Friday, April 8, 2011

How DO i become a famous blogger?

Motherfuck - there are angrier, smarter, wittier and prettier bloggers out there. Some with larger boobs too. hairless some more. How do i translate my obvious wit and eccentric charm to seek the continued readership of a million sheep who will read my self indulgent blog?

I need an out from the corporate world. maybe in two years as i still have some things i need to accoplish before i One Finger Salute Corporate Industry for a life of paid writing where one can live life scratching one's nether regions at 10 in the morn with nary a care for the world.

i would need to specialize of course. A ranting random blog does not feed a concentrated and specialized need in this fast food world. Blog would either have to be :

1. About booze - DONE already - damn you Thirsty Blogger

2. About Food - i hate eating as its a pain. would love to just live on cold beer and crisps and the occasional banana leaf lunch. And J's blog is soooo extensive its scary!

3. About sex - am not a thorough sex hound like that Gutter dude. Nor do i have a daily thirst for tits and ass. I like midgets remember -_-

4. About dating - fuck that - my dates all involve cold beer, mutton curry and drunken bouts of pool in a smoky bar.

5. About fashion - would last 3 blog posts - Factory Outlet Shopping, Scamming Free Nike from LCB and the Malaysian office, Reject Shop shopping. Maybe another how to recycle the 'shirts' that my mum and aunties buy for me for festive seasons.

6. About sports - would not last - do not care for the romance of sports since I know the back end of it all. About playing sports the blog would last 2 posts - The Challenge Begins : Sports and the Glory of a Morning Run!, Blog post #2 - Rehab: Never Run Without A Warm Up.

7. Travel and adventure - do not have enough content for true holiday locations - blog would be probably cover best taxis, best budget hotels and cheapest bar in a holiday district. Possibly which airline has cutest stewardesses.

dammit i want to write for a living! get free invites to cheat on blog hits and live from home, waking up at odd hours and releasing a book based on bull shit content just because i recorded 50,000 hits a day.

But sadly, this will not happen. So with 15 regular readers a day I now have no choice but to kill any blogger who has more hits than me. That's right Kenny Sia, you used to be fat fuker, I'm coming for your ex fat ass now.....

* Friendly famous bloggers like J and Kim are of course safe as I AM prejudiced and am strictly full of shit sometimes...

Siiiighhhh.... the things one gets from eating too much mi soto for breakfast.....

Btw, Jakarta says Good Morning folks.

17 comments:

Bedhouin said...

Kenny Sia is on MY list of fat motherf***ers who need to move out my way to becoming Bloggess Goddess.

Ranting is a good way to go - niche mah!

ah lim said...

Actually its all about tagging and usage of words that generate more traffic to your site. U should get a web analytics consultant. I know someone can recommend if you serious :P also ex-AA hahaha

Nex said...

All you need are raunchy pics of either yourself or whatever gullible young nubile you can con into posing for you. And raunchy caption like 'Appolonia reveals all!' would open up the floodgates and get you that 50,000 hits a day you want, even if the pic just shows Appolonis in hot pants and spaghetti string top holding a file with 'TOP SECRET' stamped on it...

And then you appease the horde with some raunchy writing about what Appolonia is capable of if she is so inclined...FIN

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LCB said...

Write about us Chindians!...oh wait , that would be like errr...1.5 posts...

Chindiana said...

Bedhouin! - too many smarter and creative ranters out there ma

Ah LIm! - show me this person!

Nex! Appolonia??? isn't she over 50 by now? but that would be a creative shoot and yes Appolonia would prob work with me more that Megan Fox...

Yes LCB we are a smaller minority than the rest BUT we sure are darn good looking.....

Nex said...

Oh let me clarify...the Appolonia I'm refering to is actually a 19 yr old who is of Bidayu-Irish parentage :P

Chindiana said...

oooohhhh i thnk we hve to invite her for the next Tuaran noodle run!

J said...

My blog and I are not famous, or scary! I think?
(Anyway, thanks... :P)
(Ooh, and I think Nex and ah lim are on to something - go on Chindi, start a Malaysian girls/ Appolonia Gone Wild site! Time to make your millions**)
(** Please be nice and buy us all drinks and other stuff when you do, ok?)

langkau said...

I gave up trying to be a famous blogger 4 years, 2 months, 16 days ago when I discovered I only had 5-6 regular readers. Even that, I think they're "automated" because they've been checking the same post for the past 4-5 years.

Now, I'm only an ous blogger.

Chindiana said...

Oookay J - but arent there already many of these dodgy sites around? Maybe just a site on hot Sabahan women... more targetted. hmmm....... now i have to contemplate a potential life as a soft pornographer...

C'mon Langkau! dont let go, DONT LET GO!!! We're young! vibrant! exciting! AND pleasant too! we should hve our 15 mins....

Eh what is an 'ous' blogger? is that like teh ais without the T? Like "Eh! Aissss...."

not enough coffee....

freshsourmilk said...

Oh Chindi... aren't we faithful readers enough?

You can start a blog about comics! and your toy collections! Educate the world so rest of us can catch up to your mana points. LOL.

Title your blog Stuff Chindi People Like!

langkau said...

It's like famous without the 'fam'
not enough whisky...

Chindiana said...

Acid! maybe a blog just for Chindians. maaan that would be one pretty looking blog man.....


Haha Langkau, witdrawal symptoms eh? hang in there buddy, we get your liver back to stable then we thani!

Anis said...

Hey, some UK dating site commented. Famous already what.

:)

Chindiana said...

aiya that feller i think related to that Amway Website Scouring Key Work Marketing rep. i had to take cold shower to accept that fact though...

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