Monday, April 18, 2011

"Check Your Crap Occacionally When One Reaches 40....

.... Check if your doo doos are bloody." the doctor said. "you're no longer invulnerable my boy. And 40 is when all your nonsense in life catches up to you" he added.

I hate this feeling. It disturbs me that I can't jump tall buildings in a single bound, run faster than a locomotive and have sex 6 times a day, but in a way there's a weird sense of calm that sinks in where you have to accept that a body does start to slow down as age catches up with a vengence.

The results are back. My cholesterol has dropped from 6.5 to 4.9 (not bad eh for 4 months of semi watching my diet and mainly to me stepping off the anal peddle at work). More importantly my liver has recovered! It seems the old filter has somewhat Wolverine like abilities to regenerate once you give it a break (hear that Langkau?). The doctor sounded slightly amazed at the results as the slight disbelief leaked over the phone line as he delivered the results from my blood test.

I guess there is hope. We do grow old. Its how we do it I guess. In moderation but never with regret. Do i have any regrets? Not really. I've learnt to live with my mistakes only because I have fuked up so much in my life and something always comes along eventually to put things in perspective so that i get another chance to fuck up on a whole new dimension next time. A never ending cycle of moronic discovery...

So I am slower on the football pitch, I recover EVEN SLOWER from injuries, my alcohol tolerance is no where close to the 12 pints of Guinness I could drink with aplomb in my youth, BUT its good to see that I find that I DONT need to rush on the field, I've discovered yoga (why get hurt with sweaty men when you can chill and stretch with lean, toned women who smell lovely), and finally realize that its a lot safer to drive home when you're sober and not a drooling retard. At this stage its appreciating what I have and working on making that better. Yes, i am a slow learner BUT I may not need be able to be Superman anymore but at least my liver is sorta Wolverine like. Its OK to be Peter Parker without Spiderman. At least I'm told I take decent photographs.


C. Andres Alderete said...

I've started growing hair out of my ears. That's been pretty upsetting for my vanity. I intend to be Superman until I break a hip, though.

Chindiana said...

That's the only way to live eh Carlos? Defy time through Krytonite tinted glasses!

Chindiana said...

Oh wait, did i just blind you? darn... sorry man.

langkau said...

Dear Dr Chindi,

Exactly how long does this "give it a break" take? The longest for me was 12 days. Then, I broke the fast...

But for the past 3 weeks I've done a mixture of runs and walks for 45-60 mins a day, 4-5 times a week. Is that ok kah?

Let me know about the Wolverine-like abilities, especially for my liver and cholesterol. My LDL was a bit high in February. Can that be reduced?

Chindiana said...

Dear Langkau,

It would help if you stayed off that illegally brued moonshine that runs up to 45% alcohol. If that drink can run a TIE Fighter into hyperspace its NOT meant to go through your body!

It took me 3 months of moderate drinking - maximum twice a week and no more than 3 pints of guiness or beer (i actually have leart to stop at 1 pint unless there is a sexy skimpily dressed woman nearby). Also try to stay clear of curries and fried stuff - moderation. Running and physical workouts mean nothing if you're jamming your arteries with the wild boar fat and mutton curry twice a day.

Your physical workout schedule is very commendable and very good but a balance in the Force must be maintained between how much you work out and the substances (both healthy and illegal) that you put in your body.

Hope this helps young Langkau.

Yours sincerely,

Doc Chindi

langkau said...

Dear Dr. Chindi

Your verbal prescription is going to kill me.

I may have to get a second opinion from my bomoh.


Chindiana said...

Dear Langkau,

I am saddened by your rejection of obvious facts and tested testimony from me. This is a sad turn of events. May the bomoh help wean you off your dependency on 'spirits'......

Doctor Chindi

BellaBanana said...


sorry the dear langkau-chindi letters above are hilarious..

are you gonna sing
"getting to know uuuu, getting to know all about uuuuuuuuuu" to your poop when you poop...?????


Chindiana said...

thanks Bella, now i cant take a dump without that song ringing in my head... -_-