Sunday, January 16, 2011

Oh It's A New Year already?

Well that crept up on me and bit me on the ass with an out of tune 'auld leng syne' (am sure i spelt it wrong as i am normally pissed drunk my new year's midnight celebrations)

Well happy new year y'all and yes I do know you're not making resolutions as they're no better a Hallmark money squeezing program, like Mother's day and the Easter bunny except no one has found a way to monetize broken promises to one's self.

I am typing this in my room in Jakarta. Surprisingly there is a cool wind coming in through the open balcony door (room was too cold after i left the stupid air conditioned at 18 degrees C). My back hurts a little so am just killing time and I'm heading out to a local massage spa (usd15 for 90 minutes aroma or traditional massage), which ironically is located a few doors from a nasi padang restaurant which is located another few doors away from a large toy store. Yes, I am in heaven.

Anyway, what did 2010 leave us?

The World Cup which the punters of you lost money. the government trying to change history books, ministries and the opposition behaving like enemies of the state (invading Romulans would show more respect to a beleaguered nation of souls), man made and natural catastrophes. Pretty much the same old same old.

BUT 2010 has left me pretty much accepting the fact that our grandchildren and this great green planet is fucked. fucked up the arse with a barb wired rolling pin which we will proceed to bleat out a tired thank you.

These are a given:

1. This planet is being destroyed by local and international corporations. Some of them claim to be god fearing citizens and we believe them. We buy their shit daily. This is a given. Your grand children will be drinking 'nu water' like the Singaporeans. - Gasing hill will go in 10 years. It will shrink by half in 5. This is the closest to the city as we can get so i reference it to you city folks. Go take a look for yourself. Better yet call me on the weekend and I will show you. Who has the political will to break the friendships between rich greedy developers and lazy and greedier civil servants in local municipalities?

2. Businesses in many parts of this region is run by corporate monopolies. A few dictate to all by virtue of political patronage. Look across the region - real estate, sugar, gas, petroleum etc etc. Look closely. eg - how does YTL who has no telecommunications infrastructure beat out the the Big 3 when they have billions already invested? This is among other things of course. You guys know this but transfer the same scenario across South East Asia. The rich WILL get richer and you and I better marry one of their sons and daughters or learn how to suck gilt edged corporate balls for a living.

3. Folks are getting dumber. Go look at any teen's SPM examination papers. A drunk camel who just shot up with a gallon of speed would pass it with flying colors. We are voting in morons., its too tiring to make a fuss when we know about kickbacks, pollution, poisoning of rivers etc. The sheep are getting dumber and that's better for any ruling government.

I mean this list can go on. It's nothing new and you guys know this so I'll focus on my plans:

1. When we get invaded by an alien race I will volunteer to go with them. I mean what's an occasional anal probe when we will be having to drink our own piss in 20 year's time on mother Earth?

2. I am going to have sex with any super model, actress, celebrity hotness (all female of course) when they jump on my lap pleading for some Chindiana Lovin'. No more pushing them off with a "no darlin' you're drunk, its gotta mean something" shit. Hippie free love living here i come.

3. I am going to do as I please as long as I don't get anyone else in jail.

4. I will encourage those who are still single to stay that way. Seriously, don't be an asshole and bring some little You spawn into this world when he's going to be drinking his own piss and living in a tiny pigeon hole apartment that costs him a billion bucks plus his left testicle for 400 sq ft 'with a city view'.(Lorong Haji Taib is 'city' yes?)

Those poor sods already married well now is the time to send your kids to a Shaolin temple or a monastery in the Himalayas. Fuck that degree. In the future you just need to be able to fight zombie mutants with your bare hands and live on mountain air and meditation. That and learn to drink your own piss .

5. A holiday every two months. Even if its for a weekend. with hot women. with bikini bods. applications are open again. and those of you with boy friends bigger than me please lets just be friends. I'm a lover of women, not a fighter of angry husbands/boy friends/ lesbian BFFs.

6. Write a book that will make me famous even among the literate generations to come. Which would mean i just need to sell 15 or so copies in 2050. 10 of which in braille. In Chinese Mandarin.

OK, am off to get that massage and then the nasi padang. Should I get the Sideshow Ironman statue or Hot Toys War Machine for dessert?

UPDATE 10.47AM - dammit! forgot I am in Indonesian time, one hour behind. No one's open yet.

Its cold and windy here in Jakarta. Am sitting in here at the JCo at Kelapa Gading Mall. THe shrubs and trees around me are doing dancing with the wind.

Wooo, my hot coffee and ham and cheese sandwich just arrived. If only i had a hammock. The simple pleasures man, just the simple pleasures.


C. Andres Alderete said...

I agree with everything you've said. I, too, will be leaving on an alien spaceship.

Nex said...

What? You guys missed the alien spaceship the last time it was here? Geeze!

Chindiana said...

Great minds eh Carlos? Here's the deal, whoever gets picked up first tries to get the captain to pick the other up. Then we can have s few cold beers at the Restaurant At The End of The Universe.

Well Nex, we dont travel coach.

J said...

Occasional anal probe ah? Sounds uncomfortable worr...

Still, better than drinking one's own piss on a daily basis I suppose.
(Reserve me a spot on that alien ship please. Thank you!)

Chindiana said...

Set J! now your food reviews can go on an inter-galactic level!