Monday, May 31, 2010

Why I Travel Alone

Suvarnarbumi Airport, Bangkok, Thailand.

UPDATED TODAY: Yeah I know this is an old post but I just wanted to add the picture above. Its an airport I find myself in a lot lately and many thoughts and posts have had their origins here.

Sunrise from Kinabalu Mountain, East Malaysia

"You travel alone???", people ask me incredulously with a look that can only mean they think that I am a serial killer of 3 legged cats or a grumpy Chindian on the verge of a mental collapse or on the brink of conversion to homosexuality. (no offense to you gay folks, I think you're the coolest to hang out with)

"Why NOT?", I shoot back.

"Is it safe? What do you do? Isn't it boring? I mean don't you like want to have someone to TALK to??? And then you eat alone some more???????" Typical Asian.

I have 3 travel modes:

1. Business - work and a pain in the ass. Entails packing a suit. A SUIT I TELLS YA! WITH A TIE! And a laptop. And files. And shirts and pants that i must iron!!! Did I mention files?

2. Casual getaways -

a. The Brotherhood of Dudes road trips - normally Bart, myself and sometimes Chewbaca getting our hands on the latest Evo and taking it for a test drive. All in Peninsula Malaysia - Penang, Frasers, Lumut, etc. Beers in the cooler, dried sotong in the sealed plastic bag, stops for fresh coconut water and keropok lekor by an endless beach in Terengganu.... :D

b. The one with some hot woman who would ravage me like a psycho rabbit in heat. Normally at some beach resort. Sadly this type of holidays have so far been a figment of my imagination.

3. Solo Impulse - just book a trip without research or planning, just going on gut feel. Started 2 years ago and something I try to do every 3-4 months.

I dont do groups - I'm not a food person so already have alienated myself from 80% of Malaysians. Most Malaysians will mould a holiday around food hunting. I just eat to keep from getting grumpy. Most of the folks I know would shop or visit local tourist traps. This holds frakall for me.

SO. Why I travel alone when I want to explore a new country:

Street art, Manchester city, UK
I like to wonder randomly around the streets with no real direction.

The Urbis building, Manchester
I almost always stumble on something cool especially when you're not looking for it.

Halong Bay, Vietnam
You get to take in so much more of the quiet unexpected moments

The Promenade, Penang Island
Something familiar looks totally different at an unfamiliar time

Hyde Park, London
I have all the time in the world to take in the little things.

Sunrise from Batur volcano in Bali
I can wait as long as I want if I think I'm going to see something magical

The break of dawn from the Toya Bongkah village in Bali.
My schedule is my own. Waking and sleeping as I please.

Fishermen's kids at Lovina in Bali.
I have more time to take in the lives of locals

Sunrise from an outrigger boat North Bali
I don't need a show of hands to plan my next activity

Pedestrian Tunnel, Clark Quay, Singapore.
Everyday places take on a whole new dimension without distractions

Surviving Buddha statue from the Vietnam war in Laos.
History and the past seem more relevant to solitary eyes.

Of course sometimes you want to share these moments. But it's hard enough to find a travel partner that doesn't fart or talk in their sleep, MUST eat like a cow 8 times a day, shop like Elton John or takes 5 hours to put on makeup for a kayak trip in an open ocean.

Maybe that someday will come when I learn to take someone along on the solitary trips but until then make mine a Solo Burger! (did Lucas copyright THAT as well???)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Galactic Propoganda


More random fun from The Chive. Thanks to LCB for the head's up!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Wrestling Bears Before Breakfast

OK this is just to set the record straight you perverts. This is especially to the FON and his grinning sidekick Bai The Wise and to the one or two of you who have brought it up over coffee or snarky sms-es.

When I say 'wrestling bears before breakfast' I DO NOT mean that I'm doing the palm tango with my morning boner, NOT spanking the Chindian Monkey, NOT wrestling with my 24" python or wasting tissue below my waist.


So here I shall explain to you in simple terms what it means to me.

As most of you know I'm a very morning person. With my schedules I normally start a day at 6-7am. Sometimes as early as 5 in the morn when all the world around me is dreaming sweet Dream King inspired dreams OR if you're a Ecstasy popping fuckhead student (yeah you that backed into my car and ran off) you're probably stoning yourself through a menu of pills at some other punk's apartment.

Even when I am not on a dawn flight to somewhere I usually am up and sipping my morning coffee by 7am (unless by some massive charity from the Gods of Fortune some woman has managed to keep.. nevermind).

SO, my day starts early. And what I find is that the more work I get done by 9am, I get on a high and this momentum gets me through lunch and up until about 3pm where the urge to hit a bar and get drunk whispers seductively through the slight haze of the banana leaf lunch.

SO - the BEARS are my work. My bane and my fortune. The challenges I face daily pays my salary, enables me to splurge on imported beer, buy that Premium Format Slave Leia from Singapore, gets me to dream that I can go on an exotic holiday to Bali if only some silly woman with a hot bikini body will be charitable enough to pander to my pathetic pleas. 

The more shit I can get done in the morning the better the rest of the day goes. 

SO - Wrestling Bears Before Breakfast is not an adventure between my left palm and 'Lil Chindy.

Terima kasih Dan Majulah Sukan Untuk Negara.

Friday, May 21, 2010

An Unarguable Excuse For Being Late

Was stuck in a traffic crawl yesterday. This incident from years back kept playing itself in my mind. 

We had started a weekly WIP meeting for an event we were organizing. All relevant parties were in attendance - the cops, city hall, etc. An elderly Indian gentleman from a local association was about half and hour late. 

Everyone was getting bored twiddling their thumbs so I make the call.

"Sir, are you coming?"

"Yes, YES, I'm on the way!"

"Will you take long?"

"Yayaya on the way, on the way!"

"How long will you take sir? Everyone is here already."

"These things take time aayah, it takes time!"


When I grow old I'm going to be cool just like him.... 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Dear Red and Yellow Shirts of Thailand.....

...... can't we just get along?

* Thanks to the FON for the pic ref

Monday, May 17, 2010

Back From Bangkok

So I'm back. No drama no worries. I only realized I got out of the city just time time before a 3pm curfew was imposed because of the government's ultimatum for the protesters to leave the city center met with defiance with at least 5,000 who refused the order. See HERE for more.

Just the facts:

1. Everyone outside of Thailand are thinking that Bangkok is a war zone.

2. All the Thais (and one American) I've spoken to think of it as a nuisance. Yes there are deaths - 35 so far since the 14th of May but they are more concerned about the break in public transportation, workers not being able to get to their desks on time or at all, the declining revenue from tourism.

- Ike the American I spoke to lives on the fringe of the protesters encampment. He said things are very quiet. They just hang around without fuss. Almost like some B grade zombie movie - with the army surrounding a quarantine zone in the heart of a metropolitan city. 

- My Thai client complained that it was a nuisance the 50% of his work force can't come to work because of the break in public transportation.

- The immigration dude at Sunarnabhumi airport just laughed when I asked if there was a problem in town - he just said stay clear of Bangkok Central and there would be no problems.

- Having a lunch meeting about 30 minutes from the airport it seemed like just another day in the crowded restaurant. A potential business contact was actually saying he was still hung over from drinking till 6 am today. Obviously this dude was not really concerned about wide spread chaos in downtown Bangkok.

Just my thoughts from someone TOTALLY UNQUALIFIED to comment on politics:

1. There seems to be either:

- a concerted media effort to paint an overly dramatic picture of what is really going on in Bangkok.


- Thais have a calm way of handling matters - they're just going to get on with things and let the politicians, the goverment and the puppet masters hiding in the shadows to sort it out.

2. Is Thaksin willing to bring down his own country to get back into power or is he really just after his money that the government has confisticated?

I still wont condone anyone going into Bangkok. Last year's dramatics were not fun if you were stuck in an airport for so many days. It's just interesting how the world perceives a situation while the local Thais on the street try to just get on with their lives.

The only think I would give a million bucks to know is what is actually going through the minds of the Red Shirts? A 2 months protest by mainly blue collar workers. How do they pay their bills? How much more has been promised to them?

I'm done. I've got a headache from trying to think like I know what I'm talking about or I'm sufferring from lack of alcohol.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Randomness on A Sunday

So last night I walk into my first lesbian bar. Perfect timing for the invitation in a way after Friday's 'happy' encounter in 21 with the gentlemen who 'liked my t-shirt'.

Aggie called saying that she and her boy friend were having quiet Saturday drinks in little pub for women and how could I say no?

It turned out a little anti-climactic. In a man's mind, a lesbian bar would have smoking HOT chicas, tonging each other in pure sight as male strippers were jeered at on stage. Yes yes i KNOW that lesbians have no use for male strippers but like i said - this is a male's POV, well at least my own.

As it turns out, it was a rather quiet, cosy little bar whose target market of lesbians mixed casually with the straight clientele. This was a Chinese joint so I did get some startled looks as I walked it - they must have wandered what the hell was this Malay looking clown wearing an Argentina football jersey walking in looking a little lost.

You would not know it was the a lesbian bar until you notice that three quarter of the men were actually women, with Korean boy band hair and strapped boobs. The ladies of the relationships were nothing to shout out to the world, the standard jeans and tank top types who are passable but nothing to have wet dreams about. The ladies played pool while some other's ran the gamut of Cantonese songs on the karaoke machine. I have to say them dykes are good singers. There were at least 3 singers who sounded like the late Anita Mui.

I left disappointed as I really only wanted to see two women tongue each other. It is crucial that I expand my horizon on new experiences that enrich one's soul and this turned out a wasted trip.

Tomorrow I fly into Bangkok for a day trip. I've been told to be careful and I will. The only reason I set the meeting is that every Thai i had spoken to over the past two weeks said there was no problems. This is of course before the 17 deaths on Friday. But it does seem that media coverage is putting Bangkok in more serious situation that it could be. I spoke to 3 Thais and they were talking about the Red Shirt protest more as a nuisance then a state of emergency. Anyway I hope to be able to finish my meeting on time and not get delayed or held back. I've got too many meetings on Tuesday. But it will be interesting so see what Bangkok will be like. I've never flown into a city that is on the verge of political upheaval and political violence. I will NOT be taking my camera as I know i might be tempted to take some photos and as since I do look Thai ( and Indonesian, Nepali, Filipino, Korean...) I might get mistaken for someone who looks like a potential punching bag.

Also have to remember not to wear anything yellow or red tomorrow.

I just found out that last year iconic Japanese anime production house Studio Ghibli (Spirited Away) had set up a production unit in Toyota's production facility in Japan. Go HERE for more. How cool is that? It's supposed to inspire the animators to work in the midst of ongoing production and research hub for Japan's largest automaker . I don't know how this is going to work out but I think we need to think out of the box if we want to make a difference in the world. I'm looking to the Japanese and Scandinavian countries to show us some way out of a future that is increasingly looking bleak.

I gave some old clothes to my Nepali guards in my apartment. They now salute me every time I pass by. This makes my day. At least in the mornings, after coffee and wrestling bears when I drive out to work,I get to feel like a triumphant army commander.


Saturday, May 15, 2010

To my Millions of fans


FUCK ME, I just read the shit i put up a coupla hours ago. I'm just editing it to make some sense of it. Surprisingly Josie, Carlos and Jun-E seemed to understand my semi drunken rant. I've keeping the original post to remind me of what a moron i was and adding on to make some sense of what i was saying in italics.

its a coupla seconds before 3am. I've only had about 7 beers but I am happy. It always helps to have a couple of beers on an empty stomach after a day trip to Singapore.

I only type this to placate the millions of my 2 fans out there. (The Bai, who sent me a comment saying he missed my witty, ascerbic posts) AND I remember I owe Ame a post. From my fuzzy memory I remember that 21 club in Bangsar has some Sweet Young Things. I remember that I would die of shame if I would appreciate them for those fine gyrating booty action as I think I'm a little too old to be lusting after early 20 somethings. I get approached by TWO different men about my t-shirt. My gay stigma remains after all these years.

Dear Gay Men, can't you gents see that I DO NOT use toner for my umm... genetials? face? arse? Well actually I dont even know what it's for.

I'm heating up the crispy luncheon meat and mutton curry from the fridge. I cannot remember how long they've been in there. If you dont see a post within the next month that would mean that aliens from Mars have drugged me and taken my brain for further study in Singapore (wtf? no idea where this came from but leaving it in). I took a whiff of both the curry and meat. No smell. I should be sage ( i meant SAFE. Spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out what the fuck i meant -_-).

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

MORE Siem Reap Shots ! Just For LCB Who Begged Me To Show More!

Sunrise Angkor Wat

This here post is just for LCB who can't get enough of the mystical beauty of Cambodia. I REALLY didn't think you were so into  culture dude. Here you go!

Nex seen on the top of walkway from the river that leads to the Tonle Sap Lake. The weather was hot as a rabbit's crotch and the dust just seemed to get easy entrance to every orifice in your body (butt crack included).

The simple cosy suite at The Villas Siem Reap. Great for a honeymoon. Lucky Nex was kind enough to take the day bed thus saving many uncomfortable nights between us 'manly men'.

Pillar artwork at Angkor Wat.

Guard house doorway overlooking the Northern Moat of Angkor Wat. Best place to hide from your annoying wife or kids if you tire of them during your temple visit. Also great for a quickie but stay away from the shrine room (respect the gods) and keep away from the side corridor (respect the bat guano)

Corridors at um... I think its the main temple at Angkor Wat (Nex, betul ke?)

Tables set at a restaurant hours before a local dinner wedding. They had set the tables by lunch and just left things there unattended. Yes, there was a slight temptation to pilfer cutlery...

OK, i need help here. This is the same 'plankton' plant thingy from the lake at Banteay Kdei but much larger. Can someone tell me what this is? 

Corridor at The Villas. Check out the mood shot. Ladies, if you think this shot shows you that I am a sensitive soul you would be right. You can write me at for charming companionship or quiet walks by the beach.

Ammo belt at the firing range just before Banteay Srey. Remember folks they charge USD40 for to shoot off a few rounds and USD10 to take pictures of the weapons. Feel free to copy paste this pic and claim it as your own. Doing my bit to save your holiday budget. 

Nex, taking a break during sunset at the Angkor Wat. Check out that manly silhoutte.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


When mama prayed, good things happen
When mama prayed, lives were changed
Not much more than five foot tall
But mountains big and small crumbled all away
When mama prayed - Randy Travis

Yep, that's my momma, always in the family prayer room praying for the welfare and safety of her grumpy husband, grumpy son and fierce daughter. I truly believe its through her prayers that i am still sitting here putting these thoughts to PC screen.

I am sure all those fervent nights appealing to God to help her son, with thousands of incense burnt kept me from falling down cliff sides, falling INTO volcano craters, breaking my asshole crashing my car into concrete walls, drowning in oceans, getting beat up by bouncers, slapped by angry women (and their gay friends), been able to get jobs with better pay every time I quit after verbally assaulting moronic superiors at work, kept me being butt fucked in some alley in New York, beaten up by a soldier for breaking curfew in Kathmandu (I was drunk and forgot the time) or getting killed because my moron friend bought a Hong Kong Triad dude's girl friend a drink somewhere in Mongkok(HE was drunk and horny).

So tomorrow I go back to Seremban to have tea with Mummy Chindy and my aunt. They will have a joyful time cooking up some mighty fine grub for me to eat as the Indian side of my family still believes the first male born is the prince of the Universe, a stallion running wild over forested hills, magnificently..... um......lone wolf...aaaah, fuk.... who wrestles BEARS BEFORE BREAKFAST. YEAH!

I'm sure you guys are going to wish your Mum's so it would be ridiculous for me to do the cliched wishing every mum on the planet thing. My mum just needs to hear it from me that she rocks.

Hope she's making the home made 'yong tau fu' and fish cutlets tomorrow.


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Just Realized

Just realized that sometimes its not good to have a desk in front of the office pantry, when you're lazily browsing blogs during tea break and am reading a blog boldly titled, I Shoulda Been A Stripper...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

TIdak Kahwin?

Just about 30 minutes ago I headed back to my apartment feeling a little foolish for having left my football boots behind. I saw the old Indonesian cleaner who sweeps the corridors every morning. I had waved at her earlier and wished her a good morning as i left for work. Now I sheepishly gave her an embarrassed smile as I said "lupa barang", as I fumbled with my keys in front of my apartment door.

"Tinggal seorang?" she asked. "Tak Kahwin?" she added.

"Tak tak, belum lagi"

She laughed then added " jangan tunggu lama lama".


Even strangers seemed astonished that I'm single. Everyone needs to see me hitched.

Maybe its because they are amazed that a manly man like me, oozing with the disarming charm and the sense of humor of an affable George Clooney is still running wild, untamed, like a magnificent lone stallion galloping over forested hills, rising like a fiery golden phoenix every morning to wrestle gigantic bears before breakfast.

Or may she was just thinking I would at least have someone to remind me not to keep leaving stuff at home so that I don't unexpectedly catch her taking a quickie nap during her shift...

Whatever man....

I'm single, grumpy, constipated looking and loving it.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Darth Buaya - Part Deux

"What the FUCK is this Needa?"

Captain Needa paused apprehensively behind the now seething Sith Lord. Before them were the denizens of the Canteena Pub, Bangsar, Malaysia, Earth, The Sol System. 

Something was very wrong. That or Darth Buaya had landed on the wrong planet.

Buaya looked on into the dark little watering hole. "Fucking journalist. Shmifucking JOURNALISTS!" he thought.  How the FUCK had the his memory warped this mind into thinking that this den for every hard nosed newspaper reporter in Malaysia was the Pleasuredome of Intergalatic Pussy???

He was not happy. He needed to Force Choke someone. Especially no one seemed all to concerned that a feared Sith Lord was in their midst. Some were moaning the state of sports and some were talking in hushed whispers of the fearsome Darth r()z^^@.

Buaya needed pussy. NOT a One For One Happy Hour promotion for Tiger Beer. He called over the bored looking waitress, waved his hand in front of her and said, "You WILL tell me where I can find pleasures of the flesh."

She blinked at him and stared past him at Needa.


She stood up on her toes and forcibly pulled his mouth grill close to her now angry face and hissed, "whatehfuk you think you some stupid Jedi cocksuker? Dont want to drink FUK OFF LA!"

Buaya backed off, startled. "Fuk Needa what's that shit in her mouth?" 

"its beetle juice my lord"

"She ate Michael Keaton??? No wonder my powers don't work on her. And who does she think she is calling me a cocksucker?"

"My Lord, I believe you are now a Sith cocksucker. You may not have the Jedi mind control over weaker minds."

"WTF...????? What do you mean???

"I'm sorry my Lord but when is the last time you mind controlled anyone since you became a Sith Lord?"

Darth Buaya stood stunned. Memories flooded his mind like a sewage from a broken toilet bowl. Images of bar hopping with Obi Wan back when he was a young Padawan. Hitting club to club, telling sweet young things that they SHOULD come back to his place to check out his light saber. How their eyes would go blank while they answered in a monotonous "yes". The memories of Obi Wan rolling his eyes as he successfully chatted up one female after another. Dammit, he didn't need to use mind control since he turned Sith. Almost everyone shat their pants the moment he walked into a room. He never needed to use mind tricks on anyone. Fear was the best motivator.

"Needa, You WILL shoot yourself."

"I'm sorry my lord, but....."


"My Lord, its not working! I'm afraid you're officially Jedi mind controlless."

Suddenly it dawned on Buaya, all those conquests over the years was solely because he managed to control the minds of every hottie he met. No woman in her sane mind would fall for "do you wanna see my light saber?". Fear meant nothing to the females of the Universe. They were driven and turned on by wealth and security, not fear of force choking.

And now, after turning Sith, he had lost that ONE very Jedi power that could bring him pleasures of the flesh. 

Fear of the unknown, anger at Obiwan burning off his balls in molten lava, frustration at losing the one true power that brought him joy washed over the second most feared Sith Lord in the universe as he let out a howl of pained anguish, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Best Super Hero Movie of the Year!

Watching two super hero movies within a couple of days is great for comparison. Ironman 2 suffered from Sequel Sydrome and lost it's heart. It seems that the folks of Kick Ass found that heart, threw in some soul, fun, teen angst,fun and some of the most disturbing violence ever seen on cinema (Hit GIrl!) . The action sequences rock (Hit GIrl!) and the movie moves along nicely. All this with none of the so called heroes possessing any super powers whatsoever!

Pity its produced by a smaller producer and although a Marvel Comics title it's obvious that Marvel and their movie and distribution partners were expecting Ironman to bring in the moolah. There has not been much promotions for the movie and the time slots are a little weird. Catch this little gem of fun before it dies a slow death in a market where hype is celebrated and adored.

If the world were ending and you only had to watch one more movie this year? Go KICK ASS!
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