Wednesday, December 29, 2010

on the way home

Am sitting in what is passing for an airport cafetaria in Bario. My flight's been delayed by two hours but its all good. Its not everyday that another passenger makes u maggi soup as her sister who owns the cafe is busy taking care of the growing crowd caused by the heavy holiday schedule.

This has been the most physically toughest hike I hv been on. Its also been the most idyllic, picture postcard, an eye opener into the past, present and future of cultures living on the very fringes of our own borders. These people are Malaysians same as us but they might as well be Klingon nuns in terms of personal lives.

Also I get to experience one of the most creepy/freaky/heartwarming chainsaw attacks ever. Did I mention that I went through indonesia without a passport? That and more coming soon. Gonna settle down with a Kurt Vonnegut and wait for my flight.

Good to be back folks.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Had to spend night in Lawas. Bad light. Now we're 2 hours late. Our driver seems to hv had too much to drink last night. Nice.....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

We've been sitting in this coffee shop in the little town of Lawas for the past 6 hours. We're waiting for Langkau's counsin and wife to arrive at 230 from Miri. We're delayed by a day as the MAS rural air service cancelled our flight yesterday due to a plane being hauled up for repairs. Langkau managed to sweet talk a hassled sales clerk to get the 4 of us on 2 seperate flights to Lawas.

Once the cousins land we're hopping on a 4 wheel drive that will take us on a logging trail to the village of Ba Kalalan further into the interior of Sarawak and close to the border of IIndonesia. Then we start our trek to the valley of Bario.

The hours hv passed relatively easily. Small town coffee shop, its windy and cooling here. Trutrucks and 4wd come and go taking folks into the villages. Its busy here in Sarawak. The Kelabits, Bidayuhs, Ibans and their cousins are all flocking back for this little town, where the airstrip is in the town itself is as close to KL as Manado or Makassar.even the Chinese here speak Lumbawang a local dialect. Its a transit town for folk from the interiors to push off to Sabah, south and via plane to the other towns in Sarawak.

Maaan, this breeze is lovely, the leaves of the trees beside this shop are dancing and early holiday jig. Think I will order up another teh tarik.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Two Days to Go - Chindiana Trails : The Raiders of the Fresh Langkau

The flight to Miri is in two days. We start the hike from Lawas to Bario on the 23rd. I have:

1. No fitness

2. A heavy pack weighed down by 4 sets of clothing (i will be away for 9 days so am carrying washing powder with me. Home there are some sunny days in Bario when i get there.)

3. My pack will be further made rock heavy with my first DSLR camera, my trusty point and shoot, Pedro, chargers for my Blackberry and the Nikon, a torch light, eating utensils, sleeping bag, notebook, a Kurt Vonnegut paperback, my Swiss Army knife, muesli, water bladder, spare sandals, my empty camel back which i used on the flight to carry my cameras and my spare underwear (it will not be easy double turning out underwear in humid weather), and also as we will not be staying in many hotels along the way - towel, soap and the rest of the toiletaries.

Have I left anything out?

I can only think of carrying less weight if i just drop the clothes and let 'Lil Chindy hang loose on the hike. At least we'll scare some monkeys along the way....

We'll I'm off to get a some supplies and head of for a meeting.

AND not to worry folks, even though I will be away I've put some random posts on auto post for the next week or so to keep the millions and millions of you crazy kids entertained.

All 15 of you.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Hipster Hitler T-shirt Designs

I've been on the road the past few days, Manila and now Jakarta. Been random surfing. Bumped into Hipster Hitler online comic site. Google it for some sophisticated humour where the Fuhrer is reimagined as a moody Mod style prat who runs around with funky t-shirt (available online for sale) but if you're in Malaysia you can get some dude in Pertama complex to do a fake for you.

hv funs.

  • Slogan - I heart Juice by hipsterhitler
  • Save the Panzer by hipsterhitler
  • Eastside Westside Genocide - Slogan by hipsterhitler
  • Slogan - Three Reichs and You're Out by hipsterhitler
  • Death Camp for Cutie - Slogan by hipsterhitler
  • Hipster Hitler LOVES Juice by hipsterhitler
  • Heilvetica by hipsterhitler
  • Arcade Führer by hipsterhitler
  • Hipster Hitler ironic t-shirt 3 by hipsterhitler
  • You make me feel like danzig by hipsterhitler
  • Blitz or GTFO by hipsterhitler
  • Charlie's T-shirt by hipsterhitler
  • Mid Hipster Hitler by hipsterhitler
  • Hipster Hitler's ironic t-shirt2 by hipsterhitler
  • Gah! Juice by hipsterhitler
  • I found my fixie on kreigslist by hipsterhitler
  • Mix Master Race slogan by hipsterhitler
  • Eva 4 Eva by hipsterhitler
  • Hipster Hitler was a font nazi by hipsterhitler
  • 1941 : A Race Odyssey slogan by hipsterhitler
  • Eva 4 Eva - SLOGAN by hipsterhitler
  • Nuremberg to Williamsburg SLOGAN by hipsterhitler
  • The Hipster Hitler by hipsterhitler
  • More like... Conformoflage by hipsterhitler
  • 1941 : A Race Odyssey by hipsterhitler
  • Hipster Hitler + death camp for cutie by hipsterhitler
  • HipsterHitler -Mix Master Race by hipsterhitler
  • Fear and Loathing in Łaskarzew by hipsterhitler
  • Goosesteps by hipsterhitler
  • HH wearing Death Camp for Cutie by hipsterhitler
  • Blue Ghost by hipsterhitler
  • Hans Haus of Luftwaffles by hipsterhitler
  • Under Prussia by hipsterhitler
  • The
  • Artschule Macht Frei Slogan
  • Artschule Macht Frei
  • Wehrmacht Bitches At?
  • We shall fight on the beaches, bitches

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Cupsize Choir

Brilliant! I'm not talking about the 7 babes in lingerie but this is a great festive viral campaign that takes advantage of the restless office hours leading up to the year end holidays. La Senza's neat idea creates an online keyboard made up of hot babes. Each woman represents the varying cup sizes in bobo support. Press some notes on your keyboard (A to J) and hear the women sing different notes. You can compose essentially any song you want. Go HERE for some Christmas joy NOW! Merry Christmas folks.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Darth Holiday 3,The Return of Darth Holiday - The Karate Sith

"What do you mean Force Choking is illegal but a Choke Slam is OK???" (most women won't get this of course...)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Darth Holiday 4 - The Lords of Sith Town

"What the???? Is he going through a Sith life crisis?"

Monday, December 6, 2010

Recycling Old Tales

I wrote this story for new man magazine a long time ago. It was one of the first articles I did as a free lance writer. Well i posted this story on this blog way back in 2007 but thought I's share it with some of you newer readers today. Here goes folks, Happy Monday!


What do you do when the parties end? What do you go back to? I have used my work as an excuse to get away from the day to day living and the grown up responsibilities that come with it.

I was having such a blast that I forgot to grow up. I now realize that I am 36 years old, single but with a long suffering girl friend who is loosing patience with me. I am working on my own with a small operation and am pushing for the break that is supposed to justify a 36 year old Star Wars quoting, futsal scarred, Bob Marley fan embracing the entrepreneur spirit.

I’ve watched the sun rise over the mountains of Nepal, had tea on the beaches of Cannes with one of the most beautiful women in Asia, got gloriously drunk on Miller and ribs at the Houston Astro Dome watching WWE’s Wrestlemania 17, was enthralled at the beauty of Mysore Palace in India and watched the endless cinema of Malaysian sunsets over our many beaches. I have devoured the entire menu of a Portland micro brewery, have had to run for my life in the streets of Mongkok because we inadvertently bought drinks for a triad member’s girlfriend and have tutored a Japan GT Queen how to sing Negaraku in a tiny little bar in Roppongi, Japan.

Now I realize that I haven’t declared my income tax for the past couple of years, I am frequently late on paying my cukai pintu, phone, water and electricity bills. I’m normally galvanized into a frenzy of cash waving at various payment counters when I get those letters threatening all sorts of disconnection or legal action. Bills proliferate my mail box like locusts. I have loans to pay for my apartment and car. I have monthly insurance bills to pay. I also reluctantly had to accept that the Indah Water bill and my water bill were to different bills (dudes, Indah Sewage will be less confusing la).And here I am thinking all my bills will take cash out of my wallet, hail a cab downtown and help me pay themselves off.

It just seems so tedious doesn’t it? But someone’s got to do it and mom and dad are too busy breaking coconuts in the local temple hoping that their only son marries a homely girl with child bearing hips soon.

When you’re a kid, your parents are the one’s who have to check out the sounds of things that go bump in the night. They have to use the tweezers to pick out that dead decomposing rodent from behind the fridge and make sure every door is locked and window closed before the family calls it a night. Now it’s all you. There’s no one else, no back up. You’re navigating the asteroid field Solo because Chewbaca has to send his son for fur braiding classes.

Its not IF you have to grow up, its HOW SOON. The most important thing here is how much of that boy inside do we loose? As an adult and as a parent you are living as a provider to yourself and your loved ones. How many of us stop dreaming when this happens? How many of us want to want to jam our moist futsal jockstraps into the faces of the smug hosts of those Discovery Travel and Living shows wishing we could trade places but can’t now or ever?

As a guy we have 2 lives. We’re scuba diving, hard drinking, adventurous Casanovas with a glint of metrosexuality about us that pulls the women like an MNG sale. On the other hand we’re adults who need to keep grounded so we have the financial stability and mental strength and discipline to keep ourselves, family and especially our children safe from the ravages of modern living in this crazy wonderful world.

I’m not giving up on enjoying life to the fullest. I still need to try fresh brewed yak milk on the plains of Mongolia, play carom with a French Polynesian beauty in Guam and hopefully fulfill my dream of opening a ‘Chap Faan’ coffee shop in the Jamaica.

I have a meeting with my accountant friend to help me file of my tax returns, I’ve just finished my monthly payment schedules, car servicing schedule and even my visits back home to see the folks. I’ve just settled my last two years of cukai pintu and am sacrificing a chicken to the gods of electronic banking as thanks for the convenience. However I am now playing hide-and-seek with my credit card companies. If you guys are reading this I also have a payment schedule for these bills too and it starts next month. Please don’t send the well dressed gentlemen to my house just yet because my mom is coming over to make sure her little prince is eating well.

Chindiana Trails for New Man Magazine
2nd August 2005

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Darth Holiday

In celebration of the upcoming holidays and yes, I am that bored. Expect more...
Align Center

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I Need A Holiday

Its been a crazy year. My batteries are at zero. No gas in the tank. No sun for my solar sails. And definitely no wind beneath my wings. Work has been challenging. I enjoy taking it on with half the required workforce but maaaan, its draining and the daily stress is so regular, I've even named her Jemima Spiderslasher. I just find i am dragging an ass made of concrete to work every morning. I am even waking up at 8am these days! The horror you say? Fer shure! Those bears I used to wrestle for breakfast are long gone after my normal 6am to 7am routine wake up call that I've been conforming to for the last coupla decades!

Another coupla months to go and that holiday in Cuba should be a welcome reprieve! That, or a sacrificial offering of 1,000 nubile virgins. No wait, make that 1,000 skanky pole dancers. With tassells.

My health is taking a beating too! After years of thinking I was Wolverine on Kryptonian steroids I finally succumbed to this little ole thing called Age. I went to the docs for a stomach scope last week. It looks like tum-tums isn't processing food fast enough hence my bloated disposition. (its not too much beers!). It seems it's stress related. Blood tests are taken, an ultra sound is done (liver - check! kidney check! :). I now have a list ten miles long on foods that i cannot eat which includes all curries, carbonated drinks, cauliflower, roti canai, hokkien mee and bak kut teh!!!!!!! This is where I embark on a new career as a cow. Lead me to some green green pasture yo.

I am just heading out to the docs for the results of my blood tests. Then head back to the office for meetings, meetings and maybe another meeting in the evening. After that I have s couple of hours to kill before I crash for the day.

Anyone know where I can find pole dancers in KL?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Force is Still Alive!

Dont you just love it when fan boys keep our dreams alive even while we have to live with the Clone Wars cartoons? This is the only time I will accept an Ewok in any image i own in this Star Wars inspired homage to that that OTHER Empire during the second World War. (enlarge for max effect)

For more from this artist go HERE.

Thanks to Ariel Spock for the heads up. Vulcans rock yo!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Pics from the BB

Random pics I took with the BB camera. Thought I'd share it with you guys. Yes, I am bored in the office and the coffee is not working.

Sunset over Petaling Jaya. Sunset make me think of holidays by the beach as waves crash onto a white beach and the foam tickles my toes and a nubile nymph straddles me whispering soft songs of desires into my ear.

Pasar Ramadhan, Taman Tun, PJ. I tell you man, pity its only over a month during the year. Anything else and KL-ites would be a bunch of fat frakkers.

Sunset along the Federal highway during peak after office traffic jam.
Good things to be seen at 2mph.

I cant' really remember this although it looks like the ceiling of the
departure lounge of Sokaerno Hatta Airport in Indonesia. I must have been VERY bored..

An aerial highway snarl of phone and electrical lines in Angeles city
near Clark Field airport in the Philippines.

Old school ice suppliers in the Seremban wet market. Half a block of ice goes for about RM6. They supply the ice shavings to fish vendors, and ice blocks to some older restaurants and families having open house gatherings during festive seasons.

A lake side sunset in the heart of Petaling Jaya. Whoda thunk it?
Pic taken at the Kelana Jaya lake just outside the host of girlie bars.
I was um.. on a way to a meeting when I saw this scene.

Now thats a shiny floor! And some pictures that a drunk monkey threw
some paint at. To be found at the Hyatt Jakarta.

Customer service at G2 club at the Gardens. Dont know how a pissed drunk moron is ever going to pick out this sink thru the booze haze in a crowded toilet.

I end this with another sunset. This is what i love about November. The rains and cool weather gives us some spectacular evenings. The best holiday time ever! Come, get away from those lap tops people. Lets just head out to the hills and drink good cheap coffee and binge on home cooked kampong grub, lie by a beach and sleep the day away. Let us be bums, hippies, surfers, jamaicans and that officer who handles the passport renewals at the Immigration Dept. Let us be and feel FREE. November DEMANDS IT!

OKOK, I'll chill.

Majukanlah Sunsets Untuk Negara...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Ba Kalalan To Bario - The Langkau Christmas Pilgrimage

Picture used without permission from

Just before Christmas I head to Sarawak again for a my longest break of the year. This will be a whole new experience as I will be following fellow blogger/environmental activist/anthropologist/connoisseur of moonshine Langkau, who will be taking his yearly Christmas trek back to his home town of Bario. Its about 2-3 days hike through forests and hills. Langkau had me at "its a beautiful trail". So I'm In Like Flynn.

I fly to Miri on the 21st morning, land at 9am, then later at about 1pm I take another flight out on a Twin Otter (i think) to a little town called Lawas where we then hitch a ride on a lorry or truck to Ba Kalalan the next day. We start our trek on the 23rd of December and will arrive in Bario on Christmas. Fantastic no?

I fly out of Bario to Miri on the 29th of December and get back to KL on the same day after a connecting flight in the evening.

What am I expecting? Nothing much as I'm not approaching this with any reservations except for my woeful fitness which is the equivalent of a pregnant Muppet (whatever the fuck that means...)
I haven't worked out since that failed attempt at Gunung Agung a coupla months back which means i need to hit the hills pronto. Maybe throw in some yoga and possibly copious amounts of sex (one does need to work on one's cardio).

I may pack that extra packet of muesli bars for the trek as Langkau and his friends are used to living off the land. I dont' mind fresh wild boar but grilled monkey um.... (wait is that something you even eat Langkau? Beruk and babi hutan tapas style meal in the jungle would be interesting!)

I am hoping to enjoy and take in the Bario highlands. I've packed that good book and finally will be buying a proper DSLR with a wide angle lense.

I hope to learn at least a bit about the Kelabit folk of Bario and to enjoy wandering around the fields and countryside of the Bario highlands. We spend too much time getting caught up with our own shallow shit in the concrete jungle but really folks, the real people living real lives are out there. Simplicity with no excesses. Thats what life is about right? How many of us still look at that new LV bag as if it were a newly minted gold bar? How long does a man with a super model wife cheat on her with a hostess called Fanny? or Apple? or Vagina (if you're in Hong Kong). I am reminded everytime I drive out to some kampung or some village in any of the countries I visit that we dont really need that much to have a full life. Materialism is an unsatisfied bitch with baggage.

Oh and I will probably have to strengthen my liver as Langkau breathes local moonshine and only drinks oxygen once in a while.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I name Thy Mamary Glands...

So I was in the mood to annoy Ah Chongzzz and Bella over dinner. I mean I know some women actually name their boobs but I tell u there's nothing like the flair a man can bring to the game. C'mon ladies, 'Edward and Jacob'? 'Mimi and Cindy'?

So with all the flair that is Chindiana Trails I officially declare that from here on the 'girls' of Ah Chongzzz and Bella shall be named 'Jack and Sparrow' and 'Hummus and Fattush'.

See the flair? Impressive eh? Almost as good as wrestling names or beloved Disney characters.

The down side is both women ganged up on me to name Lil Chindi. So from now henceforth I have two clowns out there who refer to my volcanic manliness as 'Rumpleforeskin' . You should ask them what happens when u say the name 3 times......

Anyway if anyone needs their bodily parts named give me a holler. I've a lot of free time on my hands.....

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I Need A Sugar Mummy...

Really. I need someone to take care of all my material needs. Why not? I'm slightly grumpy but can be charming when I want to. And I'm told I clean up nice.


at my age what would qualify as a sugar mummy would probably be:

1. A 60 year old Datin whose a season pass holder to Clinic Botox Siu Siu

2. Sean Connery in a wig

3. Some chick that turns into sparkly diamonds under sunlight

4. Yoda's mother

AND if i am REALLY desperate...

5. A 70 year old transvestite in a wheelchair

Monday, November 8, 2010

Damn, maybe what i should be doing with all my free time....

An Awkward Moment

In line at LCCT immigration. I am restless and tired. Its 11pm. i want a shower and my bed.

I am called up. As i step forward somehow i loose hold of my trolley bag and it falls backward.

It falls against the man behind me.

And the handle comes to rest on his hard-on.

Suffice to say he was in shock, I was slightly embarrassed as I reached down to pull away my bag that seemed to be offending what was under his straining pants fabric.

I dont know if anyone saw this and i dont give a fuck. I feel guilty catching him out but more than a little disturbed that a dude's standing behind me with an after flight boner.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Great Viral Intentional or Otherwise...

How come they did not do this on my flight? I know many of you saw this earlier but I just managed to view it thanks to Bella who shared the link with me. Somehow if the aircraft was going in for a hard landing I would not be able to remember where the emergency exits were. Just a cute gyrating tush...

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Random Acceptance of Fate

I must accept that my values are outdated and hardly means anything these days. "Work hard and you will become rich, play the fool and you will end up working as a road sweeper for the rest of you life" was something everyone in the hazy mists of my childhood would preach. These days it is the ones who flit among the shadows, those who play the games of bribes, kickbacks, converse in the double speak of forked tongues and indulge in rampant testicle massaging that get ahead. This is just a fact based on what I've seen the past two years. I dont salute these snakes but give them credit for being able to cock suck with aplomb. I guess the long term promise of financial gain is a calming balm to the ego. I will accept that i am not made to be in the position that I am. I am waaaay to tired of the bullshit that prevails around the halls of corporate kingdoms. I do not have the patience for this game. Am doing the math. I have very simple tastes. I can live for 3 years without a job. After that I will be too old to even sell my arse to a prison inmate's bitch, which means I need to invest in something that will fill my belly for the next 30 years.

Age. Maaan, you're one quite little ambush bug aren't you? With age supposedly comes greater wisdom (bullshit) but also opens up the fragility of one's health. Today I sit here, the second day with my right ear clogged up, a sign of a bad flu bug. A symptom that I have never encountered. I used to recover faster from injuries, fevers and hangovers. Its not the same now. I am Wolverine no more.....

I still want to walk this earth, cover every continent under my boots, smell every sort of morning sunshine under every sea, mountain and plains. My knees and back though want to spend more time in a Thai spa being given 'double mouth service' by willing Homonubilious. Can these old boys still take me up 15, 16, 17,000 feet without a need for drama?

Random this is. Happy Diwali I wish you for tomorrow my fellow Machas and Meenas.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

grumpy and groggy in the AM

No one should be taking a 7am flight. Without breakfas and with 3 hours sleep. I am breathing grumpy out of my ass right now.

Boarding call. Yay....

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Kinabalu Climbathon 2010

I just thought I'd share these pictures from National Geographic photographer (and my partner in crime for the Tasik Bera assignment) Rabani HM Ayub with you guys. Also to the many of us who have scaled this 13,000ft plus granite monster would appreciate the shots.

These pictures were taken at the annual Kinabalu Climbathon, held every October in Sabah. These super athletes from all over the world race up and down the mountain in about 90 minutes where we mere mortals who have poisoned our body with too much mutton curry, nasi lemak, butter prawns, whisky, happy hour beers, rum, tequila, vodka shots and absinthe would barely make it to the peak in 11 hours.

I believe this is the path to the peak after Laban Rata. I thought it would be cool to show you guys these pictures as we are normally cloaked in darkness during the ascent.

I think this is near the Sayat Sayat Hut. I love the trail marked in the granite by the thousands of booted feet of climbers that have ascended Kinabalu Mountain. See the wee 'lil folk in the background?

...and now, clear pictures of what I personally call the Wall of Death. This is the one we climb in darkness and then piss our pants when we descend after sunrise.

Didn't look like this at 4am in the morning did it?

This is the view from the top when you first grab the rope to climb down. Don't you hate it when you can't see the bottom?

I recommend clicking on the pictures to enjoy the full glory of the mountain.

I spoke to Rabani and he is cool with me to show you folks some of his other works. I'll post it up maybe in a week or two as I hit the road again to Manila this week. But in the mean time you can check him out at Facebook. Request an add and the friendly Rabani will add you on. Just look for Rabani HM Ayub on FB.