Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sales Men

Ironic that the cultural gap has not decreased in the years of so called professed globalization. I love it when European or American sales dudes make a call following the age old mantra of:

- Be aggresive
- Never take NO for an asnwer
- Badger/beat down their resistance
-Only one product is King and you have it.
- MAKE THE SALE TODAY.

The Asian way is of course;
- non confrontational
- It is rude to turn someone down abruptly (even if they are trying to sell you a 3 legged warthog)
- Must get general company consensus before committing to a purchase

If thought balloons were part of the physical world, daily exchanges between Western salesmen and potential Asian buyers would go somethings like this:

Juergen Bubba Yeltsin : "Good Morning Mr Ah Beng, I'm calling from Infinity Warthog and Son. I'm sure you've heard of us. We're the regional giants in the supply of three legged warthogs who make excellent receptionists. We hear that you're expanding regionally in the market so we would like to work with you to meet your expansion needs as we feel that we can very much be a part of supplying elements to your brand DNA?"
THINKS TO SELF : "Oh yeah, Juergen's gonna ace this. You need what I have but you just dont know it yet Chongy boy"

Chong Ah Beng : "Ahhh, Good morning, good morning."
THINKS TO SELF "Huh? ma lan hai sei gwai lo... Not yet finish my kopi and yee cha kueh and the cibai early early call already."

JBY - "Well Mr. Ah Beng, we actually sent the proposal to your Group Chairman last month but it seems you're actually in charge. We didn't mean to overstep your position. So I'd like to touch base as I assume you've already seen our proposal that we've cut off a bulk off the initial purchase price. This is the best deal you're going to be getting in the market for this quarter. Can I put you down for 3 warthogs and 2 ferrets?"

CAB - "Yes i give your proposal to my staff to read"
THINKS TO SELF - "MR CHONG la. You think everybody want to put family name in the backside like you meh" (NOTE - most asians would never correct this mistake as it would result in a loss of face for the foreigner AND their western counterparts would normally be embarrassed when they find out this doodoo - does not include the younger gen educated abroad.)

JBY - "So I tell you what, how about you get a report back from your staff and then I'll call you tomorrow say after lunch and we can close the deal?"
THINKS TO SELF - "c'mon. c'mon you sunavabitch, what the fuck, can't you make a decision? what kind of a director are you?"

CAB - " Can, can. No probrem. Tomorrow you call me la."
THINKS TO SELF - "WTF this gwailo - he think my staff work so fast ah? His fucking proposal already 80 cibai slides. Sure the fucking contract 500 pages dunno wat the fuker hide inside there. Call me tomorrow la kanenai. After lunch I think I go Cititel third floor look for Ah Girl give me Hot and Cold service."

JBY - " I tell you what Chong, how about I speak to your staff in charge of the review. Maybe I can help him along."
THINKS TO SELF - "Hopefully your staff has more brains and balls to make a call you little twit"

CAB - "Can, can. You speak to Manimaniam Karrupiah. His England very good. Your product is good but must get my deparment all to agree first lor"
THINKS TO SELF "Wah lau...fuker no give me face! Now think want up me. OK lor, you want tokok I let you tokok ler. Better I call my cousin sister. Think she can give me 4 legged warthog plus one extra new aircon for my house."

JBY - Thats fantastic Chong. Good man! I can see we're a great fit together. I tell you what, you get the proposal signed off tomorrow and I can get you the final contract in your hands by teatime. 
THINKS TO SELF - Thats right prick. You're going to take what I give you. One deal done even before the morning coffee gets cold. How cool is that?" 

CAB  - "Thanks you, thanks you. We talk again tomorrow ok?"
THINKS TO SELF - Sign? Sign my cock ah! Coffee now cold. Tiu, how to eat my yee cha kueh now?

3 comments:

ah lim said...

yalor, yau cha kueh also cold already.

Nex said...

JBY forgot the magic phrase: You just sign, and I will take care of you...

:P

Chindiana said...

Hmm.... yeah. not enough info on asian culture :P