Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Help Wanted. Mahatma, Mother Theresa and Jesus, Are You In the House?

The project is throwing up truck loads of crap by the week. Fueled by greed, narrow mindedness and self serving politics the project is draining my team that is already bogged down by by fire fighting the results of human fallacies. We already haven't moved forward in 2 weeks.

Used to moving fast and decisively it's been astounding at the amount of time trying to smoothen over sensitive egos, trying to maneuver around the odd requests for more money, suppliers recommended by supposedly friendly parties who are trying to take us for a ride, wolves in their best sheep clothing trying to sabotage the project from within, and so forth.

The young team that I had assembled who enlisted on the call to create a dream out of idealism is now suddenly recovering from the toils of working with self serving culprits. Yes we know this happens in the real world but how consistently it has manifested itself in all around us is scary. Nightmare On Elm Street scary.

SO.

I need some old war horses to prop up my team. I need to keep them fresh and idealistic for more battles ahead. I need EXPERIENCE and PATIENCE and CONTROL and CALM and THE ABILITY TO SEE THE GOOD EVEN IN ALL THINGS SCUM FUCKED.

SO.

If any of youse has the following people on speed dial or MSN please ask them to email me at chindianatrails@gmail.com (they have been strongly recommended by my head hunting company of Fett and Son) :

Mahatma Gandhi - Sales
The ability to convince and educate narrow minded Marketing Directors that they need not listen to their ad agencies all the time. Essential to show them the strength to thread new directions in marketing strategies

Mother Theresa - Client Servicing
Patience is essential in handling bullying clients with ridiculous demands.

Buddha - Regional Government Relations
'nuff said.

Jesus - Finance
The ability to turn ass holes into saints and a wrecked balance sheet into the Garden of Eden

Genghis Khan - Credit Controller
To simply ensure our collection is on schedule. Ability to maim when confronted with answers such as "my director not around to sign" or "sorry we spelt your company with two extra ii's and the odd 'z' and 'q on the check. Give us another 3 weeks and we'll send you another check after our director comes back from holiday"

5 comments:

langkau said...

this is great! made my day.

Chindiana said...

Langkau! Thanks um... dude?

Nex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nex said...

Sure you don't need a Jedi Master in your team? The Jedi Mind trick works best on those with a weak mind, a category I believe most (if not all) the people giving you grieve falls under.

Just pray there're no toydarian in that group of scumbags...

There's always the lightdaber as a last resort...more effective in any maiming Genghis Khan could ever hope to inflict...

Chindiana said...

Nah, a light saber is clean and effective - no pain and suferring endured...