1. My plants need watering when I'm away for work. Priscilla is drying up badly, Dopey, Doc, Happy and Grumpy are starting to lose their leaves. Ringo and George are just plain droopy. Only Spartan 300 is holding together (although one leaf is turning brown).
2. Someone needs to be able to let my cleaner lady into the apartment during my now regular trips abroad. The crib is starting to look like the inside of a baboon's ass.
3. Venting to her about official politicians who would suck the sweat off a dead man's balls just to get ahead of the game and that I would love to Tombstone pile drive them through a table of nails but cant so she needs to hear me out. At least to pretend to care...
4. Someone to pick me up at the airport when the flights arrive at 11.30pm and those SOB cab drivers REFUSE to drive in any earlier than 12.30AM so they can charge the after midnight extra fees. Additional points if she turns up with ever so slight make-up and Chanel's Allure and a smile :)
5. Someone to play sms ping pong with when I'm bored in the departure lounge of some airport bored out of my balls because of another delayed flight.
6. So I get to watch The Devil Wears Prada without feeling guilty at enjoying a chick flick.
7. To help me off-set hotel and cab costs when I travel for my holidays.
8.Someone to wash my car. In a tank top. And butt shorts. With a Decepticon tattoo framed by a Sarawakian tribal motive. And a smile :)
9. To help me practice the practical theories of the Kama Sutra. Regularly.
10.To remind me of all my relatives birthdays.
C'mon ladies, any takers? I'm clean, my mama loves me and I'm told I only snore in my sleep if I've had one too many beers.