Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Why I Need A Girlfriend

1. My plants need watering when I'm away for work. Priscilla is drying up badly, Dopey, Doc, Happy and Grumpy are starting to lose their leaves. Ringo and George are just plain droopy. Only Spartan 300 is holding together (although one leaf is turning brown).

2. Someone needs to be able to let my cleaner lady into the apartment during my now regular trips abroad. The crib is starting to look like the inside of a baboon's ass.

3. Venting to her about official politicians who would suck the sweat off a dead man's balls just to get ahead of the game and that I would love to Tombstone pile drive them through a table of nails but cant so she needs to hear me out. At least to pretend to care...

4. Someone to pick me up at the airport when the flights arrive at 11.30pm and those SOB cab drivers REFUSE to drive in any earlier than 12.30AM so they can charge the after midnight extra fees. Additional points if she turns up with ever so slight make-up and Chanel's Allure and a smile :)

5. Someone to play sms ping pong with when I'm bored in the departure lounge of some airport bored out of my balls because of another delayed flight.

6. So I get to watch The Devil Wears Prada without feeling guilty at enjoying a chick flick.

7. To help me off-set hotel and cab costs when I travel for my holidays.

8.Someone to wash my car. In a tank top. And butt shorts. With a Decepticon tattoo framed by a Sarawakian tribal motive. And a smile :)

9. To help me practice the practical theories of the Kama Sutra. Regularly.

10.To remind me of all my relatives birthdays.

C'mon ladies, any takers? I'm clean, my mama loves me and I'm told I only snore in my sleep if I've had one too many beers.

12 comments:

ah chan said...

after psycho-analysing your points for needing a girlfriend, here are my solutions to your predicament:

1. get plastic ones. won't die don't need watering, won't need tlc.
2. give her a spare key. if you don't trust her, get a new cleaner who is hot it makes up for your suspicions. and hope that she walks in unannounced when you're in boxers. wrestling bears. before breakfast.
3. visit the old folks' homes or funny farm, look for those hard of hearing or constantly in dreamland. they're great listeners. and they don't judge you.
4. Spend the hour getting a cup of coffee while checking out potential hot holidaying single/slutty chick. and get lucky with her. she might even share your cab fare.
having your gf drive in the dead of the night all the way to LCCT, not a good idea.
5. Spend the time getting a cup of coffee while checking out potential hot holidaying single/slutty chick heading to the same destination. and get lucky with her. she might even share your cab fare.
6. buy dvd, watch at home. in your boxers, hoping your hot new cleaner walks in on you. this time she gets to see your sensitive side.
7. good luck in finding a gf that won't expect you to pay for the entire holiday plus her shopping.
8. i once saw a sarawakian working in a car wash close to your desired description. he was quite skinny therefore makes a great tranny. oh and he was happily washing cars.
9. blow-up dolls are way more flexible. a must for the 1001 karmasutra positions.
10. get a new phone, key in all those important dates, set reminders.

My conclusion: you do not need a girlfriend. By not needing one, you save money, time, energy, emotions, the environment, and the world.

Nex said...

PWNED! :P

ah lim said...

well at least he doesn't expect her to cook and do the laundry for him. heh..

Chindiana said...

Ah Chanzzzz - hmmm. so no need eh? guess more money to buy that 1:100 scale replica Millenium Falcon!

Thank you gents...... -_-

Ms Spock said...

Half your problem can be solved by hiring a live in maid. Take it from a girl, it will be way cheaper...

As for the rest of the stuff? Well, life is not perfect Chindy.

Chindiana said...

Ahhh, Ms Spock, i still havnt seen your dive pictures la.

You mean a girl friend is not a live in maid?

:P

T said...

Muahahahahahaha..... soooooo saaaaaaaad man!! That desperate kah?? Must get Fang to read this muahahahahahaha.

The Gliding Peacock

Chindiana said...

Demmit! It was meant to be sacarstic! A gf to watch Devil Wears Prada? I dont even have the DVD ler...

Man, I'm so misunderstood....

T said...

But I soooo believe that u want to watch TDWP. I can see the feminine part of u struggling to come out. U need to get some and soooooon muahahahaha

The Gliding Peacock

Chindiana said...

Thank you Peacock. You've been given the 'product' brief anyway so let work on it!

(dont tell Fang)

supreme commando said...

I totally like Ah Chan's comments! fabulous. Chindiana, you should list out why not to have a gf as well..that will give you the whole picture!!!

Chindiana said...

Supreme! Ah Chanzzz knows me better than most people so yeah she knows how I think.

BUT to list down why NOT to hv a GF at this point of my life may take the whole day!

BUT a relevant post coming up soon!