Saturday, May 9, 2009

40 Year Old Spartans


Sungei Siput Veteran's Futsal Open 2009

Futsal, the final frontier. Where 40 year old men seek to relieve long lost youth with the spirit of the Spartans but unfortunately with the physical vigour of comatose coach potatoes. The spirit is willing but  you know if it ain't there, it ain't there boys.

I'm close to giving up on my weekly kick about. Every dude seems to take it waaaay to seriously. First rule in futsal - NO FUCKING BODY CONTACT LAH UNCLE!!!!! PLUS it's a kick about NOT even a friendly game let alone a competitive game. Its amazing the amount of shirt pulling and shoving that goes about in a futsal match in the name of weekend warrior glory.

And i love it that most of the pullers and shovers have the testicular fortitude of a nutmeg. One good hard shove back or a solid elbow to the spine and they end up shouting up a righteous storm or just ended up looking hurt (like when you take that bone away from Fido).

Please sirs, you are 40 years old. Your bones are getting brittle by the day with every Tiger, Johnny Black or Chivas that you down in that karoake after work. Your version of healthy nutrition is eating nasi lemak at 11pm. Futsal is BAD on the knees. Its extremely high impact. 

Dear Dribbling Dumbass, futsal courts are small. If you are skillful that's good to know. I'm sure your mum is impressed BUT in any game, showoffs are selected specifically for a Smackdown BUT in the event someone dispossess you fairly there is no reason to run about like a vengeful camel. That only puts a neon sign on your ass saying "ASSHOLE DIVA BITCH".

Futsal at your age SHOULD BE A GAME. You're wondering why your lower back hurts? And that second operation on your knee doesn't seem to help? Or that your ankle hurts every once in a while? It's because you're running about the futsal court like a tobogganing orc (sadly not original term - it was used to describe Alan Smith).

So come la, meet me on the pitch. If you're going to shove me, expect a shove back. If you're going to pull my shirt, expect some pulling. I dont do what I used to do and I actually will give you a grumpy warning but please remember Uncles, my threshold of pain is slightly higher and I have a little more conviction in my actions.

Majulah Common Sense Untuk Negara...

AAAAnnnnd btw, Ferguson asking Alan Smith to play midfield in in place of Roy Keane was like shooting a Smurf up the ass with steroids and trying to get him nominated as the next Governor of California.

9 comments:

C. Andres Alderete said...

I am now googling this mysterious word "futsal."

BabyJoycey said...

no body contact? even though they are women???

Nex said...

Women? Now they let women play Futsal?!?! Well I'll be...!!!

I kid! I kid! :D

That's why I never participate in group sports - encountered too many a$$holes who shove and pull and 'go for the knee if you can't get the ball' during my teen days...

Chindiana said...

Andres! Futsal in indoor football or soccer as you yanks call it. because of the lack of space in the city folks have turned abandoned factory lots into futsal pitches with artificial turf bordered by 20 feet high netting. Each futsal center might have anywhere between 4 to 8 courts. This is just the social version of actual FUTSAL which is indoor football played in stadiums with proper professional surfaces.

Baby Joycey! - no contact ESPECIALLY towards the women - it would just be too uncool either from a physical competitive sense or the ham sap type of contact.

Nex! Its actually not bad if you have the right crowd. Just that in some areas some folks like to show off but cant take the stick. Going for your knee is not so bad - i've had clowns go for the knee, ankle, GRABA MY BALLS AND SQUEEZE, been spit on by supporters of the opposing team AND had plastic bags full of piss thrown at my entire team while the game was going on.

Anonymous said...

Maybe if you stop beating up the chicks on the futsal court...

Nex said...

*throw a few cans of Shandy into a tub of ice, make popcorn, and wait for the fun to begin*

Chindiana said...

Anon - you're a sad sod my delusional friend.

Nex, what the hell...???? Theraphy in paradise?

Chindiana said...
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Chindiana said...
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