Sunday, May 31, 2009













For more info go HERE.
For updates on filming go to Sly's website at HERE.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Hmmm...flight delayed more than an hour. I got in waaaay past midnight.

Surreal to walk past surgically masked customs officers manning the x-ray machines listening to Modern Talking's 'You're My Heart, You're My Soul". That's like walking into a mamak stall and seeing Samuel L Jackson smoking a Sempoerna and sipping hot teh halia.

I"m tired. My cab driver turns out to be that eccentric Chinese dude from the LCCT Limo service. I've had him before. He's got all sorts of conspiracy theories. I think he's mad. Or from Pluto. Anyway he goes on about how we sell/exchange our personal time to AirAsia everytime we buy a cheap ticket. I think he's got a point there taking into consideration the potential delays.

Just had shower so have problems sleeping. Damn, my brains aren't working. How to blog and be famous and overthrow that Kenny Sia bugger?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Back To Brunei

The thing about traveling around the region is that I can never really remember whether I'm hours ahead or behind in some of the countries.

I got into Bandar Seri Bagawan last night and had a listless night in the hotel. However I woke up totally refreshed at about 7am according to my watch. It must be 8am as Brunei should be an hour ahead of Malaysian time because no way could I be so fresh after literally no sleep.

I bolt out of bed as I need to send off some emails before breakfast. I do the necessary, keeping ESPN loud to keep me awake, get dressed, grab my lap top and head to the cafe as the wifi in the room is reporting for duty with the urgency of a pot smoking Jamaican sloth.

I glance up at the cafe clock and it reads 7.30 am. I look at my watch. 7.30AM.

I ask the Filipino waitress if it's really 7.30am or 8.30am. She looks at me like I'm a retard and points back to the clock on the wall. It's now 7.31am.


Brunei time = Malaysian time


Need to start thinking with a sharper mind on the road. Wouldn't do to start checking the FEMALE box on local immigration forms at the airports.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Random 2009 Quotes

Most WTF Panic Attack (from a drunk in my car)
"Wind it down! WIND THE WINDOW DOWN!!! I don't want to puke in my pocket!"

Most Confusing
"Fuck you man, fuck my wing ass!"

Most Strangely Erotic (from a woman)
"I'll lend you my drill anytime but you've got to drill your own hole."

Most Star Trek Induced
" If they can beam themselves off the ship, do they also beam their shit off as well?"

Most -_-
"Hey if I fart in the jungle do the plants get more green?"

Friday, May 22, 2009


" Hey why don't you get a fuck before you go back?"

Ahhhh..... I love the Thais (only if they are very familiar with you or in my case a former colleague). Where else would you get such a casual invitation for shag right after a meeting? I had just finished a meeting and was rushing for the 1pm flight. It caught me off guard but I really couldn't help grinning at the invitation. It was blatantly casual but seriously sincere. 

"I'll get my driver to send you into town."

"nono its ok man. I gotta head back. I've another meeting in KL later."

"OK la. (barks something in Thai to his secretary to get the suspiciously gay Malaysian a cab to the airport) 

It was an interesting day trip to Bangkok yesterday. It started with a semi panic attack when I realized I was wearing a red polo shirt and flying into Bangkok still fresh from the 'Red Shirts' anti-government protest a month ago. Luckily the cab was not that far out so we turned around for me to find a suitable ensemble to fly into Thailand (yellow and camouflage were also out of season)

I was then provided in-flight entertainment on the flight back when:

One of those loud 'ah bengs' walked into the plane, obviously talking to his business partner, mistress or bookie on his mobile phone. He ignored the both the  flight attendant's polite requests to not use his phone. Then its was Show Time:

An old English man in front of him turned around and said sternly," Turn it off. It's against the rules!"

Ah Beng kept on going.


Ah Beng looks stunned. The old dude shoves him hard off to towards the exit. Ah Beng stumbles out in a daze.
"You BASTARD! You IGNORANT, INCONSIDERATE BASTARD!!!!" the old Pom keeps at it to the back of the retreating Ah Beng.

By then the whole plane is deadly quiet. I'm disappointed as there was no flurry of fists or blood. Ironically the old man ends up sitting next to me.

"Ironic... " I think to myself - 2 grumpy bastards sitting in a row.....

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

So far the only local album I'll buy!

Holy acoustic folk singers Batman!!!! Where did this girl come from??? I hear she's already popular among the discerning Malay crowd. Mawi who?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Attack of the Retards Part Deux

When one's flight is delayed an hour it's not so bad. There's always some bar I can take refuge in or in some airports I can go get a foot massage (Hatta Soekarno, Don Muang).

BUT when I know because of the delay I :

1. Have to cancel late night drinks with some babes

2. Get in the LCCT past midnight which means getting home waayyy past one am


So the forces of the universe deem it fit to test my patience..

I board my flight. I sit in my seat (9C). I close my eyes to take a quick nap before take off (a talent that should be everybody's resume).

I hear a commotion next to me. There is this middle aged couple with a child having an urgent discussion.

The wife looks at me. STARES AT MY FOREHEAD, turns to her husband and says,

" yang ni, 25D ke?"

The husband of course being wise, looks at me, turns to the seat across the aisle (9D) and says.

"Tak, tak... yang ni kut."

Wife: "ya ke?"

Husband : " Tak pasti, biar abang tengok..." And he proceeds to inspect the seat.

That's not it. As expected there is a a slight traffic congestion starting from my seat to the entrance. Then the universe throws me another curve ball...

The retard behind the coupld is looking around at the seat numbers displayed above the seats (smart man) and then looking baffled, mumbles to himself, "AK412?, Hmmm........"

It got so bad as the leading stewardess had to make an announcement to

- the couple to move back


This is real. Not made up. As Winnie has mentioned to me a million times - I AM A FREAK MAGNET.

So, I keep learning something new:

1. My forehead bears a striking resemblance to the number 25 (D)

2. Low Cost Carriers still attract retards.

3. It is common now for SOME people to mistake a flight number for their seat numbers.

OK folks. I going to get to AirAsia to give me a list of clarifications on how they operate, do's and don'ts, etc. I feel a need to educate people on how a low cost carriers work. If you guys have any questions please put it down in the comments section and I will get them clarified. BEFORE THAT check this earlier post HERE for some answers.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Jakarta again

Its 8.30pm in Jakarta now. I'm sitting in a bar in Soekarno Hatta International Airport killing time as my flight has been delayed an hour. That means my ass gets into the LCCT in Sepang at way past midnight. Frak....

And I realize that I lugged the laptop all the way here to only use it for this very short bitching rant! Maybe I'll play Solitaire on the flight later.

Anyway at least the Heineken tastes good....

Friday, May 15, 2009

Die Mid Valley Megamall Die!!!

I spent half an hour looking for parking yesterday. Two weeks earlier 45 minutes! This mall has the most ridiculous parking system in the Klang Valley, a labyrinth of pillars, dead ends, barriers that seeks to separate season pass holders, hotel guests and regular shoppers with the success rate of a one legged sloth on the North South Highway.

I declare this for I am far seeing and wise and also because I've not had my coffee yet this morning - all malls will be redundant in 20 years time. They will only be limited to the population within walking distance BECAUSE of bad planning in the suburbs of PJ and the city all roads around malls will be snarled up with traffic and finding a vacant car park would equivalent to finding a Ramly Burger stall on Mars. Oh wait, that's already happening now!

Online sales will pick up in 5 years. Malls will die and the Mid Valley mall management will be relegated to taking up positions in the mall's resident Starbucks or giving out Thai foot massages on the mall aisles.

I have spoken. Now where's my coffee....

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Beautiful Game And I

So I'm sentimental fool. I'm just back from a good meal with good company. And a good meal with good company always gets me in a reflective mood. AND I'm still thinking about football/futsal.

I reflect on the past. Of the smell of grass under blue skies. Playing in fields in schools, rubber estates, on beaches, on construction sites, with a bottle cap, tennis ball and even a rolled up newspaper on bitumen roads, basketball courts, class rooms, scoring goals between posts made from motor bike helmets, breaking windows when I was trying to correct my long passes and of course playing a game at that field in Manchester. I forget the name....

It has been a good trip. As I dramatically contemplate my 375th retirement from this game I look back on the best and worst moments of The Beautiful Game and myself.

I started playing football at the invitation of my neighbors. Surprisingly 2 'bai' flers who had the skills of Brazilians. i wasn't very good but I used to be quite fit. The bug hit me when i was invited to join a local club team at 13. I have no idea why they called me. I had the skills of a peg legged baboon. But I had just started training with the school athletics team so I guess they just wanted my speed. The team was made up of essentially the under-14 school team which mean I got to train with the team. I guess i was only in the team for sparing with the reserves and guess they liked to see me take down stupid wingers who THOUGHT they could live on speed and the common sense of a brick.

Anyway, I made the school team at 15 and then the wars began. Up until I was 20 I played at different levels - school, district, club games, etc. I hated playing:

1. Teams from the Army Colleges - they were the bastard offspring of the Energizer Bunny and Uruk Hai Orcs. Hard, fast with the fitness of Gurkhas we were outfought on every front. We had some skill and I was still one of the fastest backs in the state. Nothing like the satisfaction of taking down a careening orc with well timed tackle. But every game left us feeling like we'd been leg humped by a 300 pound gorilla.

2. Indian dudes from the estates - what to say - faster, fitter AND more skillful. PLUS if we fouled anyone we would probably been set upon by their supporters, all wielding motor bike helmets. They were hard mother fuckers too. I actually went shin to shin with one dude and my shin pad cracked against his unprotected shin. He groaned a little but got up and walked away without a fuss. So we'd just pack the defense and pray for rain or snow or an alien invasion, whichever came first.

I used to LOVE playing government boarding schools - rich punks with slick jerseys with their own team nick names - Tom Cats, Strike team, etc printed on their shirts. We just took them out. Better marking, lessons learnt from playing Army, we took THEM PUNK ASS DIVAS OUT. My buddy at left back crowned a particularly good year when we marked their so called star winger out of the game resulting in the said winger bawling out like a baby with tears of frustrations. To paraphrase Dexter the Boy Genius, "Success motherfucker!"

I played the game as I loved it. I played with what i had - no skill and a willingness to take bodily punishment to stop any fool getting into the D. I worked harder than anyone on the pitch to make up for my lack of size. I would chase out any fool who thought they could outrun me (silly rabbits...). I loved the freedom of standing on the pitch knowing that the person next to me had my back.

I loved playing on lush fields in rubbers estates in the middle of Negri heartland, on games at the Army base next to a beach in Port Dickson, on rain flooded fields in the pouring monsoon rains. I love the smell of the grass, the polish of my boots, the hard-on you get putting on the freshly laundered shirt before the starting whistle.

But of course games were sometimes fraught with drama - we had plastic bag full of piss thrown at us during games, we had supporters of opposing teams turn up with helmets for our games on neutral ground (but our supporters ALWAYS turn up with hockey sticks :), we played a game in the middle of low cost flats where an all out fight broke out but nothing worse than a little old lady from the opposing team spitting on our mid fielder. That hurt more than any wayward punch! We played on pitches pockmarked with cow dung (in the estates of course), thorns, fields that were more the Sahara desert. And of course the odd cobra who would wonder onto a field if we were playing next to an oil palm plantation.

I've also had clowns grab me in the balls during the game. It seems it was something coaches were telling their charges to do during some games. So I've had the pleasure of:

A. I'm going for a header. The dude sneaks his hand behind and grabs my nuggets as we go up for the ball

B. I'm marking some clown in a tight corner, he tries to run past and wacks my boys with the back of his had as he tries to barge through me.

I find this extremely disturbing. I dunno man, I would not want to go near another man's privates, let alone grab them but here on a field with testosterone levels at a high SOME future lady boy Queen of the Night deemed it OK to grab away at my 'cikus'. Of course I made the poor sod pay for it. An elbow to the spine never felt so satisfying...

But it's a good run. I need a break. Maybe for a short while. I need to rest up the weary bones. I'll probably be back. If at only playing footie on a Playstation...

I just had to...

It was bugging me the whole week. The dude's angry reaction and shoving me at futsal the week before. I was just tracking him back and when he ran down the wing when he just kept shoving me angrily away. not my problem if he dribbled himself out of space...

So on monday i just had to. mantain the balance of the universe I mean. Not because I was succumbing to some childish act of tit for tat. It was a study in human nature.Really. I just wanted to see what kind of reaction I'd get if I shoved him back.

So I did. AFTER the ball went out of play. Haha, fucking childish of me. Stupid too. I guess I wanted to stir up some shit as I was bored. Think he shouted somethng out. Whatever, I just ran back to my position to get the game started. He then blustered around the pitch for a while. Something even I admit to doing if I feel like I've been wronged. I can learn a lot from the girls on the pitch who take the knocks in their stride and NEVER lose their cool.

Anyway, its boots up for this round of futsal. Monday was the final test that I dont really enjoy the sessions anymore. My body doesn't handle long inbetween momonts of waiting for my turn as it cools down and I tend to get injured more then if i were playing longer on the court.Plus I dont get value for my buck as with most turning up at least 15 minutes late and with the turns we take I only get to play 15minutes for the hour I've paid for. I'm a cheap shit I know...

Think I'll pick up yoga....

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

3 Countries in 7 Days

I was on the road or plane a fair bit over the past week. Covered 3 countries in 7 days and even managed to find some charm in Brunei. It still doesn't beat last year's whirlwind journey of 3 countries in 15 hours (go HERE) but it was still quite hectic. I hate laptops. Seriously.

Anyway this time around it was Brunei, Singapore and Philippines in a space of 6 days actually. These were day trips but because of the schedules of the flights I had to stay a night in the Manila and Bandar Seri Begawan. It was my first time in Brunei and surprisingly it was not the overly posh gold paved roads that many of us imagine. Also Manila welcomed me back after a 5 year hiatus. Here goes a short account of my discovery and rediscovery of our ASEAN neighbors.


Kampong Ayer the village on stilts across the river from BSB.

I really did not know what to expect. All I knew was I wasn't going to get any booze in my one night stay there. Surprisingly Bandar Seri Bagawan is quaint. It reminds me of towns in Malaysia in the '60s or '70s. The building designs are was from era but they are still well maintaned - meaning a drive down the city is like going back in town. Traffic at 4 pm was surprisingly sparse and get this you KL city prisoners - there was ample parking on the streets on a weekday!!!!!!

The food in Brunei is better than in East Malaysia - more West Malaysian/ Singaporean then the rather bland fare in Sabah and Sarawak. Still no booze though.

I will do a seperate post on Brunei as talking to locals I realised that Brunei is not what many think it is. Sure its a rich state but there still is poverty. After Prince Jefri lost an estimated USD60 BILLION of state funds the country has taken a step back. Gone are the days of rock and roll spending. The only place for booze is to get invitations from friends who hold private parties. There are lot of white elephants in the country - the Jerudong Park, the stables filled with some of the most expensive polo horses in the world, abandoned buildings, etc.

The mosque in the city. I'll try to find the name (i wrote it down on my hotel bill which I sent in for claims. D'OH!)

Some of the polo horses at the Jerudong Country Club. I was told that to maintain the horses, they were being sold to individuals for Brunei D$1,000 but the new owners would have to cough up the monthly $500 to feed the steeds.

The most beautiful social football field I have ever seen! I just had to take this pic. Also at Jerudong.

If there is a beach I will find it! Just before the Empire Hotel.

The Empire Hotel (view from the beach). The best hotel in Brunei. Another wayward project of Prince Jefri. Now maintained by the Brunei government. You can still get some good deals as this 6 star hotel is running only at 20% occupancy. It will set you back about US130 still.

The lobby lounge of the Empire Hotel.


Downtown Makati district, Manila.

I like the energy of the Phillipines but have never really had much business dealings there. This also was a short trip but as I flew in via AirAsia I actually landed at the old US Air Force air field of Clark. ( I hope to do a proper post later as Clark is close to Mount Pinatubo and the former US Naval base of Subic Bay)

Are you in South East Asia or on a highway from California to Mexico?

I had almost 4 hours to kill when i got into Clark for my flight back. I hired Johnny here to take me around Angeles city for RM50. Johnny is the typical Phillipino cab driver - always looking to make that extra buck and ready to show you the best and worst of the city for a price. He offered to take me to a bar with girls at 9am! Also tried to get me to take out his cousin who owns a shop selling fake American army surplus equipment.... I grumpily told him I was FUCKING HUNGRY as I was up since 5 am and had no breakfast. Faced with a grumpy Malaysian who obviously had no money he just asked that I buy him breakfast. We're having a local dish called 'bulaluhan', a beef stew. Maybe it's me but I sometimes take unnessary risks. The Philippines have been know or at least used to me known as Kidnap Cantral especially for Chinese businessmen. I figured besides my tiny eyes I still can pass off as Phillipino, Thai, Nepalese, Indonesian, Malaysian, a Norse God....., etc, and that I wouldn't attract too much attention especially at so early in the morning.

A ware house with just about every used second item around.

Where I had my bulaluhan. This little diner was located inside the warehouse shown above. Only locals in this place.

An old Huey near Clark airfield.


View of the banking sector of Raffles Place

Ahhh, our neighbors, the city state down south. I've mentioned Singapore enough as it is so I thought I'll just share some pictures from the trip.

View of the Keppel ship yards

Catwalk in A Window, Paragon, Orchard Road.

I was walking out from my meeting and saw a crowd gathered outside the Guess boutique. Thought it was kinda cool - something you would probably see only in Singapore on a regular basis. I always think Singapore is more Australian/American/English than any other ASEAN country.

The only girl who looked happy to be there.

The most bored looking.

Everytime I travel I crave to cronicle our countries. The people, the cultures, the majesty of the simple beauty behind every wall, mountain, building, person are just stories waiting to be told. At least I have the time to glaze a little of the surface of our neighbors. At least I've seen more than most. At least I still can go back to gather more tales...

Saturday, May 9, 2009

40 Year Old Spartans

Sungei Siput Veteran's Futsal Open 2009

Futsal, the final frontier. Where 40 year old men seek to relieve long lost youth with the spirit of the Spartans but unfortunately with the physical vigour of comatose coach potatoes. The spirit is willing but  you know if it ain't there, it ain't there boys.

I'm close to giving up on my weekly kick about. Every dude seems to take it waaaay to seriously. First rule in futsal - NO FUCKING BODY CONTACT LAH UNCLE!!!!! PLUS it's a kick about NOT even a friendly game let alone a competitive game. Its amazing the amount of shirt pulling and shoving that goes about in a futsal match in the name of weekend warrior glory.

And i love it that most of the pullers and shovers have the testicular fortitude of a nutmeg. One good hard shove back or a solid elbow to the spine and they end up shouting up a righteous storm or just ended up looking hurt (like when you take that bone away from Fido).

Please sirs, you are 40 years old. Your bones are getting brittle by the day with every Tiger, Johnny Black or Chivas that you down in that karoake after work. Your version of healthy nutrition is eating nasi lemak at 11pm. Futsal is BAD on the knees. Its extremely high impact. 

Dear Dribbling Dumbass, futsal courts are small. If you are skillful that's good to know. I'm sure your mum is impressed BUT in any game, showoffs are selected specifically for a Smackdown BUT in the event someone dispossess you fairly there is no reason to run about like a vengeful camel. That only puts a neon sign on your ass saying "ASSHOLE DIVA BITCH".

Futsal at your age SHOULD BE A GAME. You're wondering why your lower back hurts? And that second operation on your knee doesn't seem to help? Or that your ankle hurts every once in a while? It's because you're running about the futsal court like a tobogganing orc (sadly not original term - it was used to describe Alan Smith).

So come la, meet me on the pitch. If you're going to shove me, expect a shove back. If you're going to pull my shirt, expect some pulling. I dont do what I used to do and I actually will give you a grumpy warning but please remember Uncles, my threshold of pain is slightly higher and I have a little more conviction in my actions.

Majulah Common Sense Untuk Negara...

AAAAnnnnd btw, Ferguson asking Alan Smith to play midfield in in place of Roy Keane was like shooting a Smurf up the ass with steroids and trying to get him nominated as the next Governor of California.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Hand Me A Pulsar

I've always love the cosmos. The mystery and grand beauty of the heavens makes all my problems seem amazingly insignificant. Here is an image from NASA of a pulsar. The blue color is actually colors added on to identify the X-rays emanating from the pulsar. The red bit is gas clouds.

Go HERE for more.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Budget Travellers

OK I'm back. Its been a crazy hectic past couple days since I had a lot of catching up to do after my week of traveling.  The week of traveling on AirAsia as usual reminded me of the gap between travelers of budget carriers and full service airlines.

DISCLAIMER : Many budget travelers are still relatively new to traveling on airlines. Many of them just are not familiar with the evironment surrounding air travel. More so immigrant workers or village folk whose grasp of the english language is non-existant or even only speak in their local dialects. There is also a different group who by a fault of nature were born retards or were badly brought up by their parents where the meaning of good manners went the way of the dodo bird.

Begining of rant...

The flight from Clarke Field to KLIA's Low Cost Carrier Terminal just re-introduced me to my favorite pain the the ass travel companions - The Budget Airline traveller. I've bitched about some in the past, this is just an addendum and don't mind me I might tend to ramble on a bit today.

So the lady on the PA in the departure lounge announces "boarding from rows 15 to 21, I repeat rows 15 to 21 only." Of course in true nature every mother lover and his cat gets up and makes for the head of the line like it's the last call for Noah's ark(except for a few seasoned travelers still nursing a coffee at the bar)

It's as if the PA system was an interdimensional communicator where a normal human speaks, "rows 15-21" and in the Dumb Ass Universe what comes out is "every 'so hai' please rush to the head of the line now! And dont forget to bring your cat too!"

They stick to the line even with repeated reminders from the lady that it's only row 15-21. And the look on their face is priceless when they get to the gate and are informed "row 15-21 ONLY". they go "Oh.......???" Look confused, look around them, mumble some shit and then shuffle off to the side. This of course is multiplied by at least 10 other retards in the line EXCLUDING the two families with the head honcho man who only speaks Swahili or Enuit.

And then you finally board and you know trouble is brewing. The plague of Asses That Are Dumb hits in groups. You get some people who look confused not knowing seat number 45 B from 27 C. Maybe its a numbers thing but they just stand in front of the wrong seat staring at their boarding pass almost as if they are WILLING it to change to the seat they want. Until:

1. The person with the correct seat numbers approaches and tells the said numerically challenged passengers to fuck off.

2. A harassed stewardess comes over and points out politely that "this is NOT your seat sir" and actually point out where they are supposed to park their dumb ass.

How about those who bug some mat salleh to move to their seat as they want to sit with their friends WHILE OTHER PASSENGERS ARE STILL BOARDING??? ? These are men mind you. Why the urgent need to sit with your buddies on a flight back? Just to chortle conspiratorily about which big boobed bar girl who shagged the night before in that dodgy bar in Angeles or Subic? It can't be THAT urgent that you cant wait to get airborne? what are you going to do for the balance 3 half hours back to KL? play testicle ping pong with your mates?

The most annoying - those who look confused at the charges that could be a down payment to a sea side bungalow when they check in their surf board, scuba tank, golf set and that pregnant camel they bought at the road side flea market. C'mon PEOPLE!!!! BUDGET AIRLINE - they make money on your bad planning...... And then there is always some debate to bargain down the price as if they were in Chinatown trying to buy a face Rolex.

I tend to not line up behind the following :

- large families, always some bloody discussion at the counter, 

- people who look like they are carrying a dead camel in that big ass suitcase becase you just know that spawn of a wet tampon will start up a hissy fit and want to 'debate' his sorry ass out of paying the extra baggage charge.

- Young mat salleh surfers, wake boarders, extreme athletes, etc.  Slightly more well to do. Will be traveling with heavy gear which will of course hit them by being overweight. More drama proceeds as they realize how much more they have to cough up and they start to unpack stuff to distribute to their hand carry baggage while you watch from with your eyes rolled all the way back to your ass.

Man, more trips to come in the next few months. Need to find peace.

Sigh.....Love yourself, Love the world Chindy, even the idiots....