Tuesday, March 31, 2009

15 Things A Guy Will Not Do Even If He Knows It Will Please A Woman

So I'm a cheap ass see. I forget to buy birthday presents for my friends see. So I tell them since I'm going to be a world famous blogger some day I shall WRITE them a a blog post dedicated to them. Ingenious no?

So I ask Claire the Cheerleader what topic she would like me to blog about. I'm agreeable to anything except the topic of menopausal camels.

"Hmmmm..... says the vision of loveliness on the other side of MSN, "OK, how about 15 things that guys will not do even if he knows a girl would like it?"

There is a disturbance in the force. I just touched on women and relationships recently and stirred up a crap storm. Fear embraces me, fear of Alison the Baudouin and her pack of dessert ninjas waiting in the dark...

Anyway, if I am to be famous, fear cannot prevent brilliance SO today's blog post is dedicated to Claire Bear the Cheerleader and the hottest woman I know to lace up a pair of Nike football boots. Happy Birthday Claire!

15 Things A Guy Will Not Do Even If He Knows It Will Please A Woman

1. Tells her he loves her. Not the over the top lavish ones that a guy uses just to get some action but the little ones, the unexpected ones - early morning when she's getting ready to go to work, in the car, waiting in line for that delayed Malaysian Airlines flight...

2. Just buy her those bloody flowers already - sure they'll die but you get accumulated brownie points when you eventually screw up.

3. Follow her shopping for that dress to the office party (she's wants to look good for her man)

4. Tell her that pasta that tastes like a charbroiled Ewok is actually decent (telling her it's fantastic is just plain inviting trouble because she's got taste buds too)

5. Go watch a chick flick with her if she can't get the Yaya Sisterhood to follow her for that Jennifer Aniston flick. You can barter with her for an Underworld 25 screening later.

6. Open the door for her. Really. Just. Open. That. Door. Any Door - car door, restaurant door, Even that door into that fearsome LV boutique...

7. Pick up that underwear from the floor. Yeah it's your house and all that but they don't get as turned on seeing underwear laying around as much as we do.

8. Take out the garbage. Yeah every night even better.

9. Give her the TV remote without behaving like a menopausal camel.

10. Keep house clean. Yeah it's your house and all that but it's symbolic of you and all that...

11. Keep the Toilet Clean - this is a special case especially as I found out last year women think men have appalling hygiene and our toilet is symbolic of this. They will never use a toilet in your house if you've gone in first to bomb the Kingdom of Armitage Shanks no matter how much you clean and flush after that...

12. Spend some time at her parents/family voluntarily if she invites a guy to meet them. If he can pull this off without looking constipated all the better.

13. Asking her to call your mum as you are too lazy to do it.

14. . Spend time on her in bed. Do the massage bit, the butterfly kisses thingamajig, take time to enjoy that body by NOT jumping on her like a Wookie in heat all the time

15. And of course going down on her and not making it seem you're undergoing Japanese Water Torture

So there you go Claire, Happy Birthday (sorry belated). This is the longest list I have ever done!

15 comments:

plain jane said...

note to the guys - you don't need to hold open the door of the LV boutique for your ladies, they have a doorman to do that - gloves, suit & all...

Chindiana said...

They do? bloody 'ell....

winniechan said...

Chindi I'm sure points 1, 2, 3, SEVEN... GODDAMN SEVEN!!!, 8 and TEN... MOTHEREFFIN TEN!!! are ideas you got from my incessant complaints of the past 'boyfriend'???

by the way, i wouldn't want my other half to go watch a chick flick with me because a) i very much value his manliness and b) i don't even LIKE chick flicks. blleggh

Chindiana said...

Ah Chanzzz actually i remembered only number 7 from your rants all those years ago! AND you do know that you're slowly turning into a man dont you? You're out cursing most sailors I know already... :P

winniechan said...

i know i'm a woman and i don't need to prove that to the world so if this is your pathetic attempt at making me show you my womanly physical attributes... nice try.

also means you're not a good listener... but maybe a good writer?? haha

Chindiana said...

You have got to chill la.

Pathetic attempt at making you show me your physical attributes????? what is that about la???

You're talking here like you do not know me at all. Why. So. Serious?

ghoul said...

tsk tsk children ... I think one of the things that women like but seldom get from men is the gentle affirmation of closeness ... maybe holding her hand as you two cross the road, or a simple "you look great today, dear" ...

word verification: resse

Chindiana said...

So the residents of Ghoul Gate are a sensitive bunch eh? :P Kudos to the undead!

plain jane said...

aiyo, poor chindy...ahchanzzz stay off his case lah. u are making him pee in his pants already.

chindy, you should know that ahchanzz is a ladeeeee and she wears ladeeeee's clothes...

winniechan said...

oi ah chindi ah... i am the chilled la... take my comments here in jest. i'm never serious when i'm commenting here la weiiiii

Chindiana said...

Haha! Thanks Ladies and Ah Chanzzz, PEACE. 3 pints Guinness on me the next time we meet at Albert Docks for happy hours!

ghoul said...

Chindy... you should be offering flowers, not pints of guiness... follow your own advice :P

*runs and hides*

word verification: dyclight

Chindiana said...

Ghoulo, you dont know my friends.....

and it would still be a pint of something or another... :P (see i make funny icon, that means I joke...)

farah said...

were you that bored? but i have to say.. must have taken alottt for u to this much. :P

Chindiana said...

Farah! not really bored la. Just thought it would be a different birthday present for a friend.