Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Brake Fluid

It started with two Indian dudes on a motorbike gesticulating to my front tyre. I pulled over and they said there was smoke coming out of my tire. I was a bit hesitant. I didn't see any smoke. They asked me to go back in and step on the brakes. I didn't see what it would do as the car was stationary but obliged them.

From my car I saw them calling me out and when I did look I saw a slight wisp of smoke coming out inside the hub cap.

"Boss break fluid bocorlah. Tengok ada minyak."

"yeah..... " I wasn't convinced. The oil seemed smeared on inside the hub cap.

"Kita baru balik work shop. Saya panggil kawan mari tolong ok?"

After all i was along a busy highway and even they were to try to kidnap me or stick me up, there would bound to be some good Samaritans who would stop and help out. THEN I remember I am not in Seremban. I'm in KL where lily livered "concerned members of the public' have made viewing enfolding crime a spectator sport. I can see Tourism Malaysia's next desperate ad campaign:

"COME WATCH FROM A DISTANCE AS DRUG ADDLED TEENS ON MOTORCYCLES DRAG LITTLE OLD LADIES ALONG THE SHOPPING HAVEN OF BUKIT BINTANG BY THE STRAP OF THEIR FAKE COACH HAND BAGS!!!"

OR

"WATCH WITHOUT INVOLVEMENT AS BODYGUARDS OF A POLITICIAN'S SON BEAT UP AN INNOCENT STUDENT IN KUALA LUMPUR'S HIPPEST CLUBS, HOST TO PAUL VAN DYKE, MOBY AND THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS !!!"

OR

"SEE ROAD BULLIES TRASH LADIES CAR IN TRAFFIC JAM!!!! FREE VIEWING. NO INTERFERENCE NECESSARY AS OUR ROADS ARE WIDE AND TREE LINED FOR AMPLE VIEWING COMFORT IN THE SHADE!!!"

dammit, digression....

So anyway I felt physically safe but I hate to admit this, but two Indian dudes on a bike, trying to help me? Coincidentally they work in a work shop and they have a friend who has a tow truck?

My mum will be seething and quietly breaking coconuts in the local temple to cure her generalizing racist son of this malady if she were to hear this. BUT I WAS suspicious......

So I basically told them politely to sod off. The older fellow told me to drive carefully and they went on their way.

I called up Mr Yap from Shell and I said there might be smoke from my tires and some oil leaking. He also said it could be a faulty break line.

Damn.

Now I had to drive to Subang from the city. Luckily I was near the Musuem. I could get to Subang without that many traffic lights and with my Smart card reader I could coast through the toll booths in low gear without braking.

THEN I realized the extent of bloody Malaysian drivers!!!!!! We know the majority of us suck BUTTTTTT when you're not trying to use your brakes??????????

Cars bolt out in front of me without signaling, people are cutting in right, left and center, bloody Kancil drivers are racing with each other, cutting in and out of traffic AND THEY ALL EXPECT OTHER CARS TO STOP FOR THEM!!!! The indicator signal is of course something to be used THE PRECISE MOMENT ONE PULLS OUT OF ONE'S OWN LANE.

Holy shit. Playing with the gears, I used the brake sparingly with visions of my Sentra looking like it tried to butt hump an 18 wheeler trailer transporting communications pylons if the brakes failed on me at some traffic light. It was a looooonng drive to Subang Jaya.

Ultimately it sounds like I almost got conned. My brakes are fine ("a little low on fluid but we can top up for you Mr Chindy"). They must have squirted oil onto my tires and probably stuck a lit cigarette inside the hub cap.

But an eye opener nonetheless at the hazards of Malaysian drivers and the opportunists that prey on the unsuspecting.

Also did I mention the idiot that insisted on STILL driving a car with potentially leaking brake fluid?

3 comments:

ah lim said...

aiya, try driving with brake pads all gone!

S'wak said...

Just to expand on your observation of Malaysian driving behavior, here's something I found online a while back:


A guide for expatriate drivers in Malaysia

Since arriving in Malaysia in 1997, I have tried on many occasions to buy a copy of the Malaysian road rules, but have come to the conclusion that no such publication exists (or if it does, it has been out of print for years). Therefore after carefully observing the driving habits of Malaysian drivers, I believe I have at last worked out the rules of the road in Malaysia . For the benefit of other expatriates living in Malaysia , and the 50% of local drivers who acquired their driving licences without taking a driving test, I am pleased to share my knowledge below:

Q: What is the most important rule of the road in Malaysia?
A: The most important rule is that you must arrive at your destination ahead of the car in front of you. This is the sacrosanct rule of driving in Malaysia. All other rules are subservient to this rule.

Q: What side of the road should you drive on in Malaysia?
A: 99.7% of cars drive on the left hand side, 0.2% on the right hand side, and 0.1% drive in reverse (be on the look out for drivers reversing at high speed in the left hand lane of freeways, having just missed their exit). Therefore on the basis of 'majority rules', it is recommended that you drive on the left. However, be aware that only 90% of motorcyclists travel on the left hand side - the other 10% ride in the opposite direction or on the sidewalk. Fortunately, motorcyclists travelling in reverse are rarely seen.

Q: What are the white lines on the roads?
A: These are known as lane markers and were used by the British in the colonial days to help them drive straight. Today their purpose is mainly decorative, although a double white line is used to indicate a place that is popular to overtake!

Q: When can I use the emergency lane?
A: You can use the emergency lane for any emergency, e.g. you are late for work, you left the toaster plugged in at home, you are bursting to go to the toilet, you have a toothache or you have just dropped your Starbucks coffee in your lap. As it is an emergency, you may drive at twice the speed of the other cars on the road.

Q: Do traffic lights have the same meaning as in other countries?
A: Not quite. Green is the same in that it means 'Go', but amber and red are different. Amber means 'Go like hell' and red means 'Stop if there is traffic coming in the other direction or if there is a policeman on the corner'. Otherwise red means the same as green. Note that for buses, red lights do not take effect until five seconds after the light has changed.

Q: What does the sign 'Jalan Sehala' mean?
A: This means 'One Way Street' and indicates a street where the traffic is required to travel in one direction. The arrow on the sign indicates the preferred direction of the traffic flow, but is not compulsory. If the traffic is not flowing in the direction in which you wish to travel, then reversing in that direction is the best option.

Q: What does the sign 'Berhenti' mean?
A: This means 'Stop', and is used to indicate a junction where there is a possibility that you may have to stop if you cannot fool the cars on the road that you are entering into thinking that you are not going to stop.

Q: What does the sign 'Beri Laluan' mean?
A: This means ' Give Way ', and is used to indicate a junction where the cars on the road that you are entering will give way to you provided you avoid all eye contact with them and you can fool them into thinking that you have not seen them.

Q: What does the sign 'Dilarang Masuk' mean?
A: This means 'No Entry'. However, when used on exit ramps in multi-storey car parks, it has an alternative meaning which is: 'Short cut to the next level up'.

Q: What does the sign 'Pandu Cermat' mean?
A: This means 'Drive Smartly', and is placed along highways to remind drivers that they should never leave more than one car length between them and the car in front, irrespective of what speed they are driving. This is to ensure that other cars cannot cut in front of you and thus prevent you from achieving the primary objective of driving in Malaysia , and that is to arrive ahead of the car in front of you. If you cannot see the rear number plate of the car in front of you, then you are not driving close enough or fast enough.

Q: What is the speed limit in Malaysia?
A: The concept of a speed limit is unknown in Malaysia.

Q: So what are the round signs on the highways with the numbers 60, 80 and 110?
A: This is the amount of the 'on-the-spot' fine (in Ringgits - the local currency) that you have to pay to the police if you are stopped on that stretch of the highway. Note that for expatriates or locals driving Mercedes or BMWs, the on-the-spot fine is double the amount shown on the sign.

Q: Where do you pay the 'on-the-spot' fine?
A: As the name suggests, you pay it 'on-the-spot' to the policeman who has stopped you. You will be asked to place your driving licence on the policeman's notebook that he will hand to you through the window of your car. You will note that there is a spot on the cover of the notebook. Neatly fold the amount of your fine into four, place the fine on the spot, and then cover it with your driving licence so that it cannot be seen. Pass it carefully to the policeman. Then, with a David Copperfield movement of his hands, he will make your money disappear. It is not necessary to applaud.

Q: But isn't this a bribe?
A: Oh pleeease, go and wash your mouth out. What do you want? A traffic ticket? Yes, you can request one of those instead, but it will cost you twice the price, forms to fill out, cheques to write, envelopes to mail, and then three months later when you are advised that your fine was never received, more forms to fill out, a trip to the police station, a trip to the bank, a trip back to the police station, and maybe then you will wish you had paid 'on-the-spot'.

Q: But what if I haven't broken any road rules?
A: It is not common practice in Malaysia to stop motorists for breaking road rules (because nobody is really sure what they are). The most common reasons for being stopped are:

(a) the policeman is hungry and would like you to buy him lunch;

(b) the policeman has run out of petrol and needs some money to get back
to the station;

(c) you look like a generous person who would like to make a donation to the police welfare fund; or

(d) you are driving an expensive car which means you can afford to make a donation to the police welfare fund.

Q: Does my car require a roadworthy certificate before I can drive it in Malaysia?
A: No, roadworthy certificates are not required in Malaysia. However there are certain other statutory requirements that must be fulfilled before your car can be driven in Malaysia. Firstly, you must ensure that your windscreen is at least 50% obscured with English football club decals, golf club membership stickers or condo parking permits. Secondly, you must place a tissue box (preferably in a white lace cover) on the back shelf of your car under the rear window. Thirdly, you must hang as many CDs or plastic ornaments from your rear vision mirror as it will support. Finally, you must place a Garfield doll with suction caps on one of your windows. Your car will then be ready to drive on Malaysian roads.

Q: What does a single yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means parking is permitted.

Q: What does a double yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means double parking is permitted.

Q: What does a yellow box with a diagonal grid of yellow lines painted on the road at a junction mean?
A: Contrary to the understanding of some local drivers, this does not mean that diagonal parking is permitted. It indicates a junction that is grid-locked at peak hours.

Q: Can I use my mobile phone whilst driving in Malaysia?
A: No problem at all, but it should be noted that if you wish to use the rear-vision mirror to put on your lipstick (women only please) or trim your eyebrows at the same time as you are using a mobile phone in the other hand, you should ensure that you keep an elbow free to steer the car. Alternatively, you may place a toddler on your lap and have the child steer the car whilst you are carrying out these other essential driving tasks.

Q: Is it necessary to use indicator lights in Malaysia?
A: These blinking orange lights are commonly used by newly arrived expatriate drivers to indicate they are about to change lanes. This provides a useful signal to local drivers to close up any gaps to prevent the expatriate driver from changing lanes. Therefore it is recommended that expatriate drivers adopt the local practice of avoiding all use of indicator lights. However, it is sometimes useful to turn on your left hand indicator if you want to merge right, because this confuses other drivers enabling you to take advantage of an unprotected gap in the traffic.

Q: Is honking the horn on the road frowned upon in Malaysia?
A: On the contrary, the car horn is the most useful facility of the any road vehicle in Malaysia and doubles as a substitute for the brake pedal and the signal indicators, and is to be used, as encouraged, extensively in the following circumstances:

(a) When trying to avoid a vehicle that ignored the 'Beri Laluan' or the 'Berhenti' signs, to enter your driving lane even though you are driving at high speed.

(b) When overtaking at high speeds.

(c) When exercising double parking or tripple parking privileges.

(d) As a gentle redundancy reminder to the vehicle in front of you should they decide to use their indicator signals to turn left or right. (Probably a new expat arrival to Malaysian road non-etiquette.)

(e) As a warning to other drivers that you abide by driving standards superior to the mythical 'Pandu Cermat' while ignoring the amber and red traffic lights, regardless of the driving speed and the traffic situation.

(f) As a deterent for drivers who have indicated with their indicator signals that they wish to turn into a left or right lane that is blocked by your vehicle.

(g) As an audible alert to pedestrians crossing a zebra-crossing (also a redundant example of colonial art work)

(h) Sound the horn continuously to alert the driver who is about to cut in and enter into a parking space which you have waited patiently for. (Usually at hypermarkets or busy malls but the horn maybe useless even in this situation)

(i) When the rear number plate of the car in font of you, on a highway, touches your bumper suddenly.

Q: Why do some local drivers turn on their left hand indicator and then turn right, or turn on their right hand indicator and then turn left?
A: This is one of the unsolved mysteries of driving in Malaysia.

Chindiana said...

Ah Lim!!! I forgot you brave, brave man you!

S'wak! Bro, you should have posted this under your blog la. Then anyone Google searching the meaning of surviving the roads of Malaysia will have a chance of saving themselves as it will prob appear in the top 3 of the search!