Monday, December 22, 2008

Dear Santa...

I know what you're up to Fatty.

You didn't see this coming did you? The crazy roller coaster ride with the price of fuel, the banking meltdown, . Now you may be up shit creek with the Elf Union if you have to sack half of them because the price of plastic had gone up and just maintaining a huge work force working on multiple versions of Batman and Barbie is not cost effective.

So you and your mahjong buddies get together to fuck us over to keep the North Pole in business until you figure out how to take out Microsoft, Sony and that Wii shit.

Sure the economy is going down the toilet. We know you can't pay your elves or maintain the production line in the freezing North.

BUT you didn't have to manipulate people on the planet to get them to fuck themselves over to the Naughty List. More Naughties mean less presents to give out. Less presents to produce means Elf cut backs are justified.

I've seen you in talks with that little shit Cupid, The Easter Bunny, Jack Skellington, Elvis, even the Devil AND George Lucas! Is that why the Naughty List is getting filled with murders, racism, love triangles, white collar crime? Idiots take up careers in purse snatching, politicians and government officials have taken up 'Serve Thyself and Fuck The World' as the official mantra of elected public representatives. Cupid starts aiming his darts at new targets - married women and 80 year old men. And Lucas, good old Georgie, who gets fan boys the world over to overlook buying pampers for little baby Johnny or paying the mortgage just so he can buy himself the latest Sideshow Premium Format Slave Leia museum quality statue AND a scale replica of a Clone Trooper helmet that he can wear to his 501st Legion gathering. He's STILL releasing endless excuses called Star Wars this and Star Wars that to tear away our hard earned Ringos from our quivering clammy hands.

It seems like the Good list is really getting thin. If only there were one Obama for every Bush, one Gerard from every Rooney, one Cowell for every bad rapper and the balance of the world would be restored.

It's not going to happen is it? You think you and your little pseudo-Illuminati clique are winning aren't you? Well listen up fat boy, its not going to go as planned. The little people still hold some cards. Your production line still has to run. Why even the other day some Malaysians did some good on an international level! Don't play-play! Of course, firing a coupla shots at some pirates may not seem like grounds for the the Nobel Peace Prize but considering that we're know abroad for antics closer to an What Will They Think Of Next?, its not all that bad. There still is hope. Nex still helps out lost travellers in a strange land in Sabah, Peekz still helps out her old boss unselfishly even though work is shit high, Ah Lim gave up his AirAsia coupons to me for some memorable holidays, a man in Watson's helped me get a free tooth brush from a promotion I had overlooked, my neighbor kept my laptop that i had LEFT OUTSIDE my apartment till i got back and most importantly my mama still loves me and will do anything for me!

There will be a time when the hearts of men will fail. But it is not THIS year! This year we will fight! This year we will give you no reason to trim the elf workforce and cut down the North Pole production. This year you pay the extra costs of overtime. This year there will still be a few pages left in the List of Good Girls and Boys!

damn, I've GOT to stop smelling the packaging of newly opened action figures...

2 comments:

winniechan said...

i got lost in your rants... but this i know... this i know.

it's GERRARD. 3 R's buddy... how dare you. you're defo getting nowt for christmas !

Chindiana said...

lost in my rants??? interesting...

3'rs or not they best get top 2 out of this season or else all the talk will be put down to TOKOK LE ONLY...