Sunday, December 28, 2008

Through the Eyes of A Child


Mattel Masters of the Universe Battle Cat

Damn, don't you just miss the naivete of a child? Don't you miss thinking you could fly if you REALLY thought hard enough, taking a Tic-Tac that had a few choice magical words said to it in a darkened room and believing it would make you invisible or even if you thought out the same thought 15 times every day for 15 days a meteor would crash into your school?

Now it's dreading the bills in the mail, NOT looking forward to the traffic to work or fighting mobs of other parents over the weekend just to take our own kids shopping in a mall.

Our toys, simple pieces of plastic were our gateways to fantastic realms that contained all manner or adventures and fantastic creatures.

Robert Burden's art can only be described as gorgeous. These are actually paintings of TOYS. Rich and textured these life size painting are awe inspiring ESPECIALLY since they're inspired by the playthings he had as a child! I strongly suggest you enlarge the pictures and you will see the toys that inspired these art pieces framed above each painting. These paintings seek to recapture the pure sense of wonder of a child and how each toy took on the physical embodiment of something far more powerful and wonderful than just a piece of colored plastic.


Voltron


Stargate Helmets



Hasbro's disassembled Riddler action figure. A++ Coolness!


LJN's Big John Studd and Hulk Hogan toys

More about Robert Burden and his art HERE. Don't forget enlarge, Enlarge, ENLARGE!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Just tapping away at the laptop.

Purple Rain playing in my hall. Venus in the Western sky slowly turning in for the day. My body is getting over 3 days straight of hard boozing. My belly looks like it has a snuggling hobbit inside. I was on leave today but still ended up working. Took my staff out for lunch to make up for a grumpy week. Suspect one of the flers is seeking bomoh wingman to help him out with a lost lady love. Told him I'll sponsor him an AirAsia ticket to find a mail order bride. Hope he doesn't begrudge me. I don't want to wake up one morning with one of my balls looking like Samy Velu. It's been a long month. Pessimism and cynicism are the operative words for the month. The world of rainbows, butterflies and Tamil movie endings elude me. I'm wearing anti-rose tinted glasses, the Goggles of Arsehole Magnification. Greed, self interest, narrow mindedness, shallowness, self centered egos have crept up into my ass and now are mall walking around my being. The cleaner is coming tomorrow and I'm trying to throw out more crap to make her job easier. One of my plants is looking like a leper whore. It's not a lack of water. I've been talking to them occasionally. Maybe I need to give it a name to boost it's ego. After all I've only named one of the plants. The rest need some recognition. Maybe I'll name him Spartan. Or Wolverine or maybe The Rock and then I can joke with him "Can you smell what fertiliser the Rock is cooking?"That was lame. Not being able to run more than 2 km without knees going on strike sucks. December turn on - a hot girl who runs, has a 4 pack tummy, dresses nicely executive BUT wears a seasoned Polar heart rate monitor as her watch - hard core. Nike Pro WORKS. My back doesn't take a beating after futsal as much. Gaiman has a new book out. Cool Christmas presents so far - a model of a NCC 1701 Enterprise and a copy of Beedle the Bard. Hiking destinations in 2009 - Manado, maybe Bandung. Visits planned for the Angkor Wat, Shanghai and Dubai if I can get a cheap flight. Quiet prayers for 2009 that the project of 2 years takes off. I promise not to be cynical or sarcastic or speak my mind negatively of friends and foes. I vow to be less a purveyor of ungentle language. I hearby vow to stop using the words Cockmandu, Fuckalele, Fucktatious and Arseton Martin. Um...Undo Fucktatious. I may have need for it one day. I need to get going on that kitchen. Using the bathroom to wash my mugs is a hazard. Without spectacles it's easy to mistake dishwasher for shampoo after a long day at work. Need a good contractor. Any recommendations? 11pm already. Prince now funking up with Cream. Need to go slow talk a coupla plants. They can be so needy...

POV

" I regret that my own weirdness made me an fascist about people who were not weird."

- Comic strip artist Lynda Barry. Sometime in 2008.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Dear Santa...

I know what you're up to Fatty.

You didn't see this coming did you? The crazy roller coaster ride with the price of fuel, the banking meltdown, . Now you may be up shit creek with the Elf Union if you have to sack half of them because the price of plastic had gone up and just maintaining a huge work force working on multiple versions of Batman and Barbie is not cost effective.

So you and your mahjong buddies get together to fuck us over to keep the North Pole in business until you figure out how to take out Microsoft, Sony and that Wii shit.

Sure the economy is going down the toilet. We know you can't pay your elves or maintain the production line in the freezing North.

BUT you didn't have to manipulate people on the planet to get them to fuck themselves over to the Naughty List. More Naughties mean less presents to give out. Less presents to produce means Elf cut backs are justified.

I've seen you in talks with that little shit Cupid, The Easter Bunny, Jack Skellington, Elvis, even the Devil AND George Lucas! Is that why the Naughty List is getting filled with murders, racism, love triangles, white collar crime? Idiots take up careers in purse snatching, politicians and government officials have taken up 'Serve Thyself and Fuck The World' as the official mantra of elected public representatives. Cupid starts aiming his darts at new targets - married women and 80 year old men. And Lucas, good old Georgie, who gets fan boys the world over to overlook buying pampers for little baby Johnny or paying the mortgage just so he can buy himself the latest Sideshow Premium Format Slave Leia museum quality statue AND a scale replica of a Clone Trooper helmet that he can wear to his 501st Legion gathering. He's STILL releasing endless excuses called Star Wars this and Star Wars that to tear away our hard earned Ringos from our quivering clammy hands.

It seems like the Good list is really getting thin. If only there were one Obama for every Bush, one Gerard from every Rooney, one Cowell for every bad rapper and the balance of the world would be restored.

It's not going to happen is it? You think you and your little pseudo-Illuminati clique are winning aren't you? Well listen up fat boy, its not going to go as planned. The little people still hold some cards. Your production line still has to run. Why even the other day some Malaysians did some good on an international level! Don't play-play! Of course, firing a coupla shots at some pirates may not seem like grounds for the the Nobel Peace Prize but considering that we're know abroad for antics closer to an What Will They Think Of Next?, its not all that bad. There still is hope. Nex still helps out lost travellers in a strange land in Sabah, Peekz still helps out her old boss unselfishly even though work is shit high, Ah Lim gave up his AirAsia coupons to me for some memorable holidays, a man in Watson's helped me get a free tooth brush from a promotion I had overlooked, my neighbor kept my laptop that i had LEFT OUTSIDE my apartment till i got back and most importantly my mama still loves me and will do anything for me!

There will be a time when the hearts of men will fail. But it is not THIS year! This year we will fight! This year we will give you no reason to trim the elf workforce and cut down the North Pole production. This year you pay the extra costs of overtime. This year there will still be a few pages left in the List of Good Girls and Boys!

damn, I've GOT to stop smelling the packaging of newly opened action figures...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Happy Songs Mixed Tape Song 2

Go '80s one hit wonders, GO! One of the best road trip songs ever! Also works wonders on menopause-ing and PMS-ing women.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

When It Rains It Pours...

"Period coming. Hormones fucking me up. And the rest of the world is joining in."

- Winnie Chan, 18th November 2008



Tales From Ukay - The Return of Winnie Chan

Winne is back with more proof that people and governments are similar across continents!

Extreme Measures:



Preston city council Introduces Swearing Fines in Crackdown on Anti-Social Behaviour in Run-Up to Christmas!

Go HERE for more.



Bloody Extreme Measures:

School Choir Forced To Pull Out Of Christmas Concert As Carols are 'Too Religious'!

Go HERE for more.

So Hai:


RSPCA Officers Spend Two Hours Trying TO Rescue Plastic Owl

Go HERE for more.



And I thought we were bad...:

Half the Town On Sick Leave!
Go HERE

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My Happy Songs Mix Tape Song 1

C'mon tell me you were not smiling after this crazy pixelled fun music vid! 'Move your feet' by Junior Senior.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Wingman

Frodo and Sam, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, Kirk and Spock, Jordan and Pippen, Tango and Cash, Maverick and Goose, Han Solo and Chewbaca, Richie and the Fonz..... There will always be TWO. Only because women are smarter than us. They're more evil too. We NEED all the bloody help we can get because one shambling pile of Y chromosomes isn't gonna get past the Deathstar of the Ya Ya Sisterhood!

A conversation between two Brit friends of mine some years back in a club:

"She's fit mate and she's up for it but her mate's a right minger innit?"

"Bloody 'ell! OK, OK, I'll take the minger but you fucking owe me you twat!"

No questions asked. No debates. The dude took one BIG bullet for this buddy.

OK here's the bottom line you wing man wannabes! You walk into a club. You and your posse are in formation. Alpha male in front, the clowning idiot just behind, the loud one followed by the quiet one at back. After a couple of drinks and through the haze, a Megan Fox lookalike gives one of you the come hither. You know you're there. You're in like Flynn BUT she comes packaged with Jabba the Hutt's sister.

Who now takes it upon himself to make a sacrifice for a brother?

Who now has to suddenly acquire Jedi mind control to ensure that his light saber is lit in the face of a naked Hutt?

Who now has to ensure that besides carnal relations he ALSO has to take on public relations duties AFTER because it definitely wouldn't do to have both girls sharing notes later and realizing that one of you was a self centered, selfish twat with the bedroom skills of a rampaging Hulk? That would mean there would be no love sequel for buddy boy, your bro, your 'heng tai'.

Who then comes forward? Who is this warrior that puts others before himself? Who is this brave, noble and a little bit of an dumb ass?

Say it with me. The WING MAN.

In aerial combat a wing man adds support and back up to the lead pilot. In the murky, hazy world of dating a wing man pretty much is supposed to do the same thing.

Unfortunately in Malaysia the wing man is an overused term that is seldom delivered on it's promise of heavenly pleasures delivered to your door step by a self sacrificing mate. Over here in a world of fussy women, it's almost every man for himself unless of course you're lucky enough to score an unselfish, giving wing man that's attached AND loyal who eyes stare with disinterest at nubile pleasures because of the powers of true love or more probably he married into money. .

The wing man credo is also sorely misunderstood here. Introducing 2 people in a crowded room and then diving into the buffet line is NOT in the job description. Neither is passing on a girl you don’t like to your friend. This just makes you an cockhead.

Outside the battle fields of pubs and clubs, a successful wing man works as a covert operative. Malaysian wannabe wing men should learn from women who gather intelligence better than the SAS or Mossad just to confirm that the female target would prefer a funny Proton driving idiot like you compared to a fat millionaire who probably has other girl friends named Fanny and Apple. They find out if she's open to meeting new people or just pissed off at the world or just signed up for membership at a lesbian dating site. When the meeting does take place you at least have a 50-50 chance compared to your so called wing man who brings along his hot and very attached Prudential agent hoping that you both will hit if off.

Recently I had a wing man set me up. Best of all I didn't even know it was a set-up. He made me look good. Talked up a storm about me until I almost screwed it up by being me (which he promptly covered up with some honey coated words). Very rare. Nice to know charity remains in the hearts of men in this day and age albeit in teeny, tiny granules.

Majulah Wing Men Untuk Jantan Negara.

Friday, December 12, 2008

5AM

Damn, working at 5am finds one in a state of clarity and clear mind. I feel all Jedi like. Even Neo-ish in a stuck-in-the-Matrix sorta way. Words, thoughts and ideas are just tumbling over one another seeking my attention and approval. I am kind as I apply them generously to the proposal that I am working on, stopping only to delete 'surreptitiously' and 'assfuck' who somehow got through immigration without valid documents. The rain outside now makes this a Moment. Like i need to run out with a red umbrella and do the moonwalk on the roof of my car.

fuk man, the Nescafe' s starting to wear off...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Demmit.....



We HATESSSS Japan my precioussssss! We HATESSS IT!!!!!

So she's going. Off to the land of Gundam, sushi, Ropponggi and used school girl underwear vending machines. She might stand a chance. At least to fulfill her dream to be an entertainer. She never really took off here. Listening to all the wrong people just put her talent and lovely personality in a stasis after successfully hosting Money Matters on TV. Too many hangers-on, Yes people and guys trying to get into her panties. But no rants here. It's her life and she made her decisions. Hope she starts listening to herself more though.

I'd LOVE to think that this move East had something to do with our conversation at the Time Out party early this year.

She had somehow recognized me among the faces in the crowd as we had a very, very brief introduction a few months earlier at some function where Bart and I crashed looking for free booze.

She had waved across the room at me. I wasn't sure it was at me and waved back a little hesitantly. She smile and walked across.

It was a short conversation about 10 minutes. She of course had forgotten my name but she was genuine. It was like I was talking to a cousin or a close relative. She didn't know who I was nor seemed to care if I was the King of Brunei, a Bangladeshi waiter or Donald Trump's left butt cheek.

We chatted on her ex-branding company where I mentioned that they had screwed her image. We chatted a bit on her calling herself a brand which i disagreed with.

She said you need to be a brand before you can build a business. I disagreed and said you need to be a person first and build your brand around it. She didn't agree and true to the Chindiana genetic makeup I sarcastically said "when they make a Barbie of you then you can say you're a brand." She laughed a little but think don't think she was happy. We were interrupted by some friends and that was the end of our conversation. But not before I said she'd do better outside of Malaysia. A larger playing field and all that.

Farewell Hannah, my precioussss, my lovessss....

Wahahahah! OK, OK! S'wak, hope this fulfills my role as a Hannah stalker! Anyway, this is the last Hannah Tan related reference in this blog unless she comes to her senses and asks me to marry her. Until then I'd love to know who she has backing her in Japan as it's not that simple to just up and leave for the Land of the Yen without recon and a base or operations set up ahead of time.

Go HERE for the Star paper news.

UPDATE , 6.23pm - just realized that the party I got invited to yesterday at Somo but I couldn't attend as I had to go to Singapore for a day trip meeting was Hannah's farewell party. There's a Tamil movie ending in here somewhere.....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

December Quote Heading into the New Year

Chatting over the weekend with a friend and this came up. We're both not sure if it's original or not but it hit home for me...

"Inaction in itself is a conscious decision."

Sunday, December 7, 2008

An Ode to An Arsehole

In the evenings you sit at home alone, with or without the company of family or friends, alone nonetheless for your scheming thoughts are yours and yours alone to keep. They will not understand nor would support your point of views for they are yours in conviction and yours to hold close to your dick stick sucking heart.

You feel a martyr as your path to achieving your dreams are not shared by all and sundry. "Why?!!!", you scream out at the pelting rain of hate and disgust from your colleagues, Why??? Is it that wrong to take what you deserve? Is it wrong to ignore Opportunity when it sidles up and whispers sweetness into your ears?

Of course THEY don't understand. They're minnows swimming in a murky pond, where you hold the sieve in which you will save those of like mind and whisk them into a larger pond nearby, rimmed with gold and silver, where the water is clear and clean and crowned with lotus blooms filled with nectar of poison. This pond is yours and those of your own mind. Together you shall starve the pond of the idealistic, struggling to make sense of a world in chaos in their ever increasing muck infested pond.

All the cattle that is humanity around you are but tools to be used to achieve your ambitions, both petty and grand and then to be discarded without a thought of gratitude or acknowledgement. Be damned those who question the silly notions of common sense, fair play and accountability.

So you sit here in grandeur and satisfaction. Smug and content in your own golden glow of self indulgence. Yet you sit here still alone. On your porcelain throne. With used tissues and a copy of Loaded magazine.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Malaysia Boleh And So can the UK!

Wohooooo! Chindiana Trails gets it's first foreign correspondent! Introducing Winnie Chanz from the City of the Laiver Bird who shall now be attempting to show us how similar the land of Blighty is with Boleh-lah Land. All her compilations will be under the Label of Malaysia Boleh And So Can the UK! And first off we have...


Hospital bosses demand dead man's consent... before they investigate family complaints over his death - The Daily Mail

A grieving daughter was told by hospital chiefs they could not investigate her complaints about the treatment of her dead father - unless he signed a consent form.

Sally Guidon watched her 76-year-old father James Johnson die in agony and wrote to the hospital making a series of complaints and asking staff to investigate his death.

But North Manchester General Hospital replied to the mother-of-three saying they needed Mr Johnson's signature to open his file and look into her complaint.


Read more HERE.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Can You Say So Hai?

In the immortal words of Mr. T - "I pity the fool..."

Somewhere In The World This Is Entertainment...

Watching the first 3 minutes plus is more than enough!