Sunday, November 30, 2008

Laugh In The Face Of Adversity Week!

The madness in Mumbai, the struggles in Thailand, floods, a global economy trying to struggle out of a toilet, our Opposition more concerned about road signs than developing their own states, politicians jostling for positions while ignoring the increasing crime rate, arseholes on the road and in the office, murders on the rise in Malaysia, etc, etc.... I hereby declare the first week of December to be Chindiana's Laugh In the Face Of Adversity Week! I will be featuring something everyday to take our minds off the daily crap fest that seems to be enveloping this planet.

I first saw the footage above on Amir Hafizi's blog (amirhafizi.blogspot.com) and thought it would be a good way to continue the hilarity started off by the earlier Vader vs the Japanese Police skit.

Darth Vader vs Japanese Police

Pick Up Line Winners

Damn Late but here they are:

Grand Prize Winner is Plain Jane with her horny mak cik story!

Joint Second place goes to S'wak and the mysterious F.O.N!

Jane gets a V for Vendetta T-shirt (switched prizes around for sizing issues) and dessert voucher from Rumah Ku restaurant.

S'wak gets a Nike Malaysia scarf to go with his Nike Malaysia cap that I owe him.

The FON gets my best Christmas wishes and a cows milk brued coffee at Kanna Curry House as I've run out of prizes....

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thought Showers

Council bans 'brainstorming' and replaces the term with 'thought showers'... for fear of offending epileptics

Wahahaha! Wankerism and idiocy continues! How much more anal and politically correct are we going to get?? Read HERE for more about Tunbridge Wells (in the UK) city council's efforts to rid the world of straight talk.

It's quite interesting, I was in the presence of some friends who were in conversation and they started talking on the subject of the world being force fed political correctness.

"What is this mentally challenged rubbish??? Retarded is retarded! That is an English word and always has been. Why change it now?"

So how do we do this? How do speak our mind without hurting the gentle ears of a hippocritical society?

Dumb Ass - Mentally Challenged Domesticated Mule?

Fuck - Having Relations?

Stupid Fuck - Mentally Challenged Relations?

Wahahaha! I could see us having more fun with this shit. Anyone up for another contest?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Happy Hour In The Shower!



Damn! THIS is something I did not know about although women folk are onto this little bit of alcoholic shower treatment. Finally all 'kudikarans' can finally find an excuse to pamper their manly locks. Supposed to add more 'body' to one's crowning glory.



C'mon Fatwa dudes now we have a reason to ban showering too!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Mobile Moments 2


Sunrise atop Gunung Batur in Bali.

There's just something about taking pictures with the crappy camera on my mobile phone. Maybe it's the grainy, ethereal effect when there is not enough light, and maybe there's almost no features to help the picture taking process besides a polite, quiet prayer but I just love how different some images can look via the eyes of my Nokia.



Sunset Lovina Beach, Bali.


Moon and almost ghostly white water tank Subang Jaya (yes that's the moon NOT a street light). Also what looks like clouds or a forest were not in the picture as the water tank was surrounded by buildings.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Showdown of Champions, Kuala Lumpur 2008


Watching an exhibition tennis match is almost similar to watching a wrestling match. But with the pace of a geriatric paraplegic. With the volume turned down low. And you strapped to a straight jacket on a bench of thumb tacks.

Over-dramatization aside, the Showdown followed the expected script. The results were predictable with Mac doing the clown prince act playing off the straight man roles of Federrer and Borg while suitably assisted by the bemused looking Blake who genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself. To make-up for the lack of pace and urgency, the players gave the crowd their monies worth by playing all games to the tie breaks.

The whole shindig just screamed EXHIBITION - McEnroe v Borg, Blake v Federrer and a doubles of USA vs Europe. Each game lasted only ONE set. It started at 7.30pm and finished around 11.30pm

You do appreciate the skill and finesse of the older boys and the sheer athleticism of the new generation. Federrer seemed to be built for speed and Blake ambling around the court with hidden power although he seemed to have had too much nasi lemak and had a very un-athletic, Serena Williams butt, as if he had problems up his arse trying to shit out a hobbit.

With the comatose Malaysia crowd it was tough for the pace to pick up. The only highlight which seemed to be missed by all including the King was when the music system started playing "Blow my Whistle Bitch" and Bart and I started playing SMS ping pong.

All in all you just appreciate the occasion. Federrer is on his way to greatness. Will he be a Legend? I don't know. He doesn't have a personality in the sterile tennis world. But the skills on display were for all to enjoy and appreciate. I can say I got to witness 2 all time greats of the sports world, 2 Legends gracing my presence even in their twilight still causes one to be in awe. For that, I get the privilege to say on this day I witnessed greats who used to be gods.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Universe Conspires to Out Me as An Idiot

The jam is shit. NOTHING is FUCKING MOVING!!!! It was raining heavily earlier and the light drizzle now sees the Federal Highway shit high in cars edging their way one millimeter at a time from work to home, work to a pub, girly joint back to home, coffee shop to futsal, office to a shopping mall, Starbucks meeting to massage parlour or the odd fish spa.

I pull off the Fed H'way and head towards Bangsar Shopping Center via Pantai Medical. The jam persists! Curses! I'm late for my meeting!

I hate people who make me wait and worse, I hate making people wait for me.

"Fuk man bastard, fuking move!!!!!!" The car in front of me wants to pull out. The car in the next lane stops to let the said car to move in. The fool in front of me seems confused and doesn't MOVE. Probably because in KL no one gives way and he's shell shocked and probably sent his own ass into a self induced coma.

I'm pissed, and frustrated and anxious. And. I. Am. Not. MOVING!!!!

It's an important meeting. I don't want to piss off a nice patient fellow. Frustration grips me and in my car I let fly, "C'mon laaaa COCK! He's letting you go LA FUCKER!!!! Please just FUCKING MOOOOVE!!!"

Something...

Something makes me look left....

...at the startled people in the bus stop next to my car.....

....who shared an angry Chindian's bitch fit because the Chindian forgot that he had his car windows half way down as the air conditioning was a bit too cold...

bloody hell...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Overheard Quotes #2

"3 spoons of shit and 1 spoon of honey."
- Ms Peekz, September 2008. Her recipe on how to make a woman desire a man even more.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Volvo C30 Road Trip


The C30 working a pose at Outward Bound School.

The catalyst for the Lumut trip was when Bart got his hands on the Volvo C30 for a test drive. He had a getaway planned on Pangkor and I hitched a ride to Lumut to support some friends who were organizing the Powerman race in nearby Manjung.

I am not a car person. I can wax lyrical about running and hiking shoes, comic books, free porn sites, boxer shorts and the odd dodgy bar in Seremban but ask me to put pen to paper to describe a car and all you'll probably get is, "what the fuck color is cosmic white?"

This is an unqualified opinion so here goes - it handles well and takes the corners smartly and all but I think it's a girly car. At RM220K or so it probably competes with the Mini Coopers, where some rich dude buys his spoilt brat of a daughter a car to run to college and back OR for mistress number 2 to go for her shopping runs to Pavilion.

It's a little underpowered considering it looks zippy but put foot to the pedal and you have enough time to dig your nose, roll them 'gold' into a ball and flick it out the window before the power ambles in to report for duty. Once the power hits you're on. I had enough muscle to overtake on some tricky roads once the juices got going.

It's been said that some elements of the C30 is inspired by the concept Volvo that was designed by women for women. That probably explains the blind spots... (headrests at back block the view). The sensors work fine so that's all that's important for the lady folk. Also not ideal if you're a tall person and have passengers. Space is limited so if you're Yao Ming, the only passengers you can carry at back are hobbit babies.

The simple display panel is a refreshing though where some cars nowadays look like the interior of an Airbus A380.


The C30 near just after the Lumut Naval base. Loved the stone wall.


I must say it's a sexy looking car. It got all the looks in Lumut and even had a dude snapping pictures of it when I parked in front of the KFC.


We just HAD to stop to kena some laksa by this road side stall about 20 minutes out of Lumut. It was fantastic.....


...and ENDLESS stretch of road surrounded on BOTH sides by padi fields as far as the eye could see! PERFECTOMUDO!!!


Front view of the stall. The only thing that spoilt it was the Pakcik didn't have teh tarik. Next time I'm turning up with my own flask of the stuff. Pity we couldn't get the Volvo parked where the Saga was parked. Would be an excellent shot! Bart, next time!


The Volvo C30 styling and profiling in Lumut town.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Lumut



I've always loved Lumut. Rustic and quaint it also was the prelude of spending some time bumming my ass on Pangkor island in the old Pan Pac hotel now known as the Pangkor Island Resort.

Bart was taking the new Volvo C30 up to Pangkor for a test drive so I tumpang-ed a ride as I also had friends who were organizing the Malaysian leg of the Powerman Series in Manjung near Lumut town so I thought I'd check it out.



Lumut can't escape the onslaught of development. The town and the surrounding districts are seeing rapid development which normally means at least one McDonalds, ugly Lego block shop lots and apartments BUT it seems like they seem to be be trying (wheather consciously or not) to blend in the new and the old.

The corner provision shop where I always seem to end up buying supplies.


What i liked about Lumut was literally it was a one street town but it also had the palm tree and light pole lined streets

The Powerman Duathalon, 9th November 2008 (Run 11km, Cycle 64km and run 10km)

I tell you I felt like the bastard love child of Shrek and Rosie O'Donnell! I have never seen so many fucking LEAN people in my LIFE!!!!!!!!!





However as you can see, the Powerman Series is an equal opportunity race.

The Outward Bound School, Teluk Batik

I love this place only because of the 10 days I spent here with the Malaysian Mild Seven Outdoor Quest in the early 2000s. I think it was 2001. It was fantastic! That's what I love about my job. How can you not love work when it entails getting on a boat and following athletes in kayaks into the open sea. Eagles follow the kayaks thinking they're fishing boats and the wind is in your face. Every day, after we had our early dinner at the OBS dining hall, EVERY FUKING DAY, we walk out and there is the most awesome sunset ever as the sun lit up the sky before retiring for the day!

It made me think of that scene from The Sandman comic - Lucifer (in human form) sits on a deck chair on a beach in Australia. An old man walks up to him sits down and tells him he's had a hard life, family all dead, he's got bad liver or something BUT any God who can make a sunset that stunning every day can't be all bad. As the old man walks away, Lucifer looks at the sunset and then looks up into the sky and says, "I give it to you, you bastard, THAT is not bad."


Kids near OBS. The bay is sadly changing. In the back ground you see another project to cater to the rich - The Lumut Marina project - bungalows and shop lots on reclaimed land. Fuck, there goes the neighbourhood.

Taman Paya Bakau


This was a surprise to me. It's slightly less than 10 minutes from Lumut town. Its not a big area but I thought it was really cool as they had constructed a walkway right smack in a mangrove forest. It was quite surreal as you feel like you're walking in the middle of the movie set of Kull or Lord of The Rings.




Beach at OBS

I will keep coming back to Lumut. As usual it's not the destination, it's the journey. It's driving past the endless padi fields somewhere before Sitiawan, the stopping and having teh tarik, curry puffs and goreng pisang at the little road side stalls, it's driving back along the coastal road ringed by tall coconut trees, looking at life in places that you occasionally read in the papers like Ijok, Kuala Selangor and Pasir Panjang. 

Lumut and Pangkor have provided many good memories, the stay at OBS, going there with the ex, taking the sudden random drive up once in a while and the old company made at least 2 company trips there. We got banned on the second stay as we ended up trashing the poolside bar, underwear and shorts ended up on the roof of the bar, puke in the pools, drains, bushes smelling of piss, etc.

I hope the progress of 'development' is slowed down just a tad. I selfishly want my old Lumut for just a bit longer.


Getting there : Take the North-South Highway and head north to Ipoh. Turn off at either Bidor or Tapah. Just follow signs that say Teluk Intan, Setiawan or Lumut. At Teluk Intan junction take a left (right takes you to Teluk Intan but can also lead back to Setiawan). Takes about 4 hours depending how many times you stop.

Alternative - take the dual carriage way coastal road. Head towards Kuala Selangor from Klang and look for the signs that say Ipoh, Setiawan, etc. Here traffic might suck if you get stuck behind lorries but you get to enjoy some of the Malaysian heartland. Takes about 3 and half hours depends on the traffic.

Restaurants in Lumut - Nothing much in town except for some nasi Kandar shops and a KFC with the slowest service in Malaysia! Two pubs at the end of town - Jook Joint Bistro and Rockafella (it was closed when I was there but was informed that they are still open for biz) Mainly frequented by the expat community from the port or naval base. Also a Italian restaurant on the same row as Jook Joint.

There are a fair bit of sea food places at Teluk Batik and along the roads before Lumut town.

PARKING -  The Lumut town council considers Saturday a full day for parking fees so don't just leave your car around after 1pm thinking they charge only for half a day. If you get a summon (as I did) you can pay it at the parking counter within the multi-level car park behind the bus stop. Its inside on the ground floor. (you can't see it from outside, it's somewhere in the middle)

Friday, November 7, 2008

How We Get The Fatwa and Council of Churches Dudes to Approve Yoga...


"Breathe ladies, breathe.....find the inner sanctum of your individual universes...."

Yoga can be practiced by Muslims and Christians as long as they adhere to their religious identities.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Roll Call For Hope and Dreams

Barack

Lewis

Halle

Denzel

Tiger

Oprah

Michael

Nelson

Bob

Martin Luther

Rosa

Jesse

Market's up tomorrow. Wonder if the spike can take it to Christmas?

Monday, November 3, 2008

Paya Indah Wetlands, Dengkil


The old kayaking/boating lake with a new jetty.


UPDATED 2nd NOVEMBER 2008.

When I heard that they had reopened Paya Indah Wetlands I just HAD to go check it out. Must. MESTI. MOST DEFINITELY SIR. The wetlands used to be my favourite getaway from the city. Beautiful and peaceful I fully explored it either alone or with groups comprising Bart, Winnie, O'Loon and the Bagley from Dudley among others.

After my visit on Saturday here's the skinny:

1.It is NOT OFFICIALLY open. It's just a soft launch.

2. It is FAAAAAR from anywhere it's former glory. Currently the public have access only as far as the crocodile enclosure (which is like a quarter of the park) which is why entry is free.

3. Sadly it does not look like they have done much over the past 2 years.

4. It's as if they've left it all to rot. They seem to have added additional chalets and a new jetty. The original chalets were priced at RM600 per fucking night! Which of course had no takers.

5. No one is sure when it will open up officially. The official reason is that they are still re-planting trees and clearing up the overgrown paths and surroundings.

6. Bottom line - the basic beauty and calm tranquility still remains under all the overgrown paths and lakes. The calls and chirps of birds still break the sound of the wind rustling through leaves, lalang and brush. Only the intrusive sounds of aircraft taking off from nearby KLIA breaks the ambient natural serenity.

There is hope though, as the park is now under the Wildlife Department and although the old guard at the entrance was a rude bastard the rest of the staff were incredibly nice, HELPFUL AND POLITE - something you don't get from 'gommen' agencies.


Malaysians love to 'beautify' their surroundings with 'natural' shit. This eye sore 'pond' near the car park was not here the last time. The clowns basically dug up the ground to build a new man made pond when they are already surrounded by lakes of all shapes and sizes.

I was getting very apprehensive. The signs were not good when I realized we could only go in as far as the crocodile pond and also when the guy at the counter kept harping about the making sure we caught the hippo feeding session. It looks like the park's main attraction is Hippo Feeding Time. If I want to see fat pieces of blubber chowing down on food I can go to a banana leaf restaurant .

There was bonus as they actually gave us a special pass that allowed us to drive our car in! Quite cool as the NEW opening time on weekends is 9.30am and it gets hot out there without that much tree cover.


The drive in - less grass and greenery, lake in poor health.


Some sign of hope...


FAAAAAAK...... but they're actually re-planting but its going to take a while to grow. This used to be a small hill with thick bushes and small trees.


Hope.....I didn't give a shit. I walked through the no entry sign onto the old trail that would take you further into the wetlands. This place belongs to me. I've come here so many times NO ONE has the right to stop me..... (cue maniacal laughter....)


The Lotus Lake is now a brown patch but at least lotus blooms can be seen in abundance.


One of the few signs repair - the new jetty.

I got got stopped before I could make it to the Kampung House at the edge of the Lake. A very nice Wildlife officer had seen my car parked by the path and had suspected correctly some badly brought up idiot had gone wandering around the park. He was nice. Apologetic. I didn't make a fuss as he drove me back to my car.


Hope again. The pelicans and storks are still here. Nothing more beautiful to see a stork gliding low over one of the lakes.


Hippos are still here. One has been reported to have died a while back.

I wanted to get angry and pissed. I WAS at the beginning. But the beauty is still here. Sure many of the palm trees that made Palm Street look like Rodeo Drive are dead, or missing, sure the lakes are murky and muddy, the ponies are gone, sure the buildings have not seen a new coat of pain and some of the roof tiles are old and peeling but the sense I got from the folks from the Wildlife Department was that of SINCERITY. They may not know what is best for Paya Indah Wetlands. But at least they are TRYING their best.

I sincerely wish them all the best. Paya Wetlands needs to be brought back to full bloom again.


See below for earlier post and especially scanned photos from my earlier trips almost 3 - 4 years ago.

FEBRUARY 2008

Here are some pictures of some old photographs that I recently test converted. The image clarity and colour lost about 15% - 20% from the original but it will give me a chance to share some of my old shots here. I'm trying to find a cheaper alternative and may have to invest in my own high resolution printer. Does anyone have suggestions how best to preserve my old photos in digital format as best and as original as I can? Would really appreciate it. Lotsa good momories chilling in my retro photo albums!

PAYA WETLANDS
Located just after Dengkil town (turn off after the Putraya Jaya exit along the highway, head until the junction with the petrol station and turn right at the traffic lights. Head all the way straight until about 3-5 minutes after the bridge that spans the KLIA highway and look out for the turning on the right), the Paya Wetlands was one of my most favourite getaways in Selangor/KL. About 30 minutes from Subang or Puchong it was actually a project that was truly impressive in it's ambition to sustain an ecological balance in nature.

For RM 10 bucks we got to ride bikes along endless trails surrounded by at least 7 to 8 lakes, ranging from the small the the large. There was a great eco-system and it was a bird watcher's wet dream. There were about 3-4 hippos donated by the Rwandan government(!), some crocodiles in enclosures and our favourite, a heard of wild buffalo that roamed the park freely.

I have attached a picture from Google Earth to show how large the area is/was. I marked the exact location where I took the picture above as "path to small island" at the top center of the image. The image doesn't represent the true beauty of the place, with its blue lakes, greenery and startling blue skies above. The lakes are designated as the almost black areas and the greenish one which I marked with Kapal Korek. Yeah this used to be an old tin mining area.


I'm good memories here, countless cycling trips with Bart August, Gav O'Looney, Ah Chanzzz, The Bagley from Dudley, Jon Jon and Ah Wong. I even took part in an 8km cross coutry run here that had us splashing across flooded paths when the lakes had breached their banks after too much rain. I also used to go in solo with a flask of coffee and some buns to just chill out under the one or 2 shaded areas and just listen to the birds, the buzzing of the bees, the wind rustling through the tall lalang and leaves with the background sound of the planes landing in the nearby KL International Airport.

Sadly in true Malaysian style this was not to be and the place shut down after 2 plus years of my visiting amindst some drama. The goverment had spent about RM160 million on the place over 5 years and it had lost all the money. I think the Forestry Department took it over about 2 years ago but there has been no sign of a re-birth for this slice of beauty.

I'll do a proper post after I get the rest of the Wetland pics scanned.

PS - Bart! hey if you still have the pic of you near the lake can I borrow it to scan? Its one of the few shots I took with a human being in it!