Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Lava and Lovina

I'm off to Bali. This time it's NOT WORK!  Again thanks to Ah Lim for the hook up! Also special thanks to S'Ann for the assists.

The main destination for this trip is Mount Batur the volcano at Kintamani. Since the first time I saw it 4 years ago I wanted to climb it. It's always been on my mind. So finally I get to get a volcano out of my system. I'm a little fitter than I was compared to last year when I "Tamil Movie Drama-ed" my sorry unfit ass up Kinabalu Mountain.

I booked the flight in February so completely was not prepared when I realized it was smack during the Ramadhan holidays.  The Lakeside Cottages which is the closest starting point to the volcano has to kick me out on the 2nd of Oct so I need to do my mountain on the 1st of Oct. There goes my plan about spending my birthday having beers on a volcano. So I've decided to explore the quieter part of Bali. After 2 days in Kintamani I head north east for a night in Amed a quiet coastal town and then head north to Lovina where I figured if i can't get drunk on a volcano when I turn a year older, I might as well get drunk swimming with dolphins (supposedly they frequent the area quite often). After that I travel down to Ubud and spend the night of the 4th of October there and get up early to head back to Denpasar for my flight back to KL on the 5th.

I'm planning on traveling lighter. Tempted to leave Old Faithful the Nikon FM2 at home. The last 2 trips that I took this heavy duty monster was very, very disappointing. I used to take decent pics with the old manual but after too much time with the digital point and shoot my current Old Skool pictures have turned out devastatingly fungly! 

Siva from Nike has outfitted me with some Nike Pros and I'm planning on testing the Pro shorts up the volcano. He promised no chaffing between the thighs so that should be a relief to Cumi and Chiki, my little bros who always get nervous during long treks up rocky mountains especially if that day is Briefs Day.

It's a solo trip again as NEX DID NOT GET BACK TO ME WITH HIS CONFIRMATION SO I DID NOT CALL ANYONE ELSE. But it's cool. A friend might meet me half way and if I can find a room in Kuta or Seminyak on the 4th night I might head down to have a dinner with some other friends in Kudeta. Traveling solo is something I'm used to as I can really take in so much more of all that is around me than if I had company especially when I'm in the mood for moving around and exploring. 

I might no be able to upload the entries for the Worst Pick Up Line contest if the internet connections are dodgy so bear with me.

Selamat Hari Raya to alla youse who've been fasting for the past month and to the rest, don't fucking stop to take down the numbers of the accident cars along the North South Highway laaa!!!!! (that means travel and party safe yo : )

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Muck Diving in the Lembeh Strait

A Nudibranch. Check out the stalks for eyes and the 'flower' on it's ass.

These pictures are featured courtesy of Ariel, the Little Mermaid aka Chloe Chin. She's hot, lives to dive and enjoys her duck comfit. I thought I'd share these pictures with you as I'm not a diver so I find these sea creatures out of this world! Now we know where Industrial Light and Magic and Stan Winston Studios get their inspirations!

Box Fish

These pictures were taken a week ago in the Lembeh Strait, North Sulawesi off the coast of Bitung . The sea itself is dirty with garbage, junk and gunk from fishing boats BUT this has created an ecosystem at the sea bed that supports life forms worthy of a Mos Eisley cantina! Although these are little buggers (some smaller than a grain of rice) some of them are poisonous.


Porcupine Fish


Two Nudibranches

A lone Nudibranch

Boxer Shrimp

Most Freaky MOFO

Who left their shaggy dog at the bottom of the ocean??? - A Hairy Frog Fish

Most Watdafuk Fish

Ornate Ghost Pipefish
Scariest MOFO

Devil Stinger (front view)

Devil Stinger (side profile)

Pics from above the Sea

I hope she doesn't read this but I think Ariel's pictures are cool (she'll never let me hear the end of it). Not bad for a hot number cruncher.

As you can see, the sea may be shit but with moments like this it more than makes up from getting fish bones tangled up in your hair.

Getting to Lembeh:

Fly AirAsia from KL to Manado. Land transfer about an hour to Bitung where you take a boat to Lembeh Island. The resort Ariel stayed in was the NAD Lembeh Resort. Dive package available is about RM1,800 5 days 4nights inclusive full room and board and diving. Flight cost separate.

For more on North Sulawesi go HERE.

*All Pictures property of Chloe Chin

Friday, September 26, 2008

When You Think Sports Is ONLY about money...

Knowshon Moreno shows us that without pure athletes we'll be celebrating snooker and bowling as Olympic sports.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


OK, It's about time! After some initial comments from you people I JUST KNOW there are more pick-up lines out there!

So this year's first Chindiana Trails contest is - Worst Pick-up lines Ever!!!

You folks send it pick-up lines that you have either used OR have had it used on you OR been in the presence of the clown who used it. Entries to be submitted under the COMMENTS section of this post.

Contest Period:
One week from today

Judging Criteria:
After the competition closes I'll compile all the entries into another post where you guys vote on the most insane line there is. EXTRA POINTS for creativity.

And of course the Prizes:
1.Nike Football Association of Malaysia caps (yeah, say it, c'mon, just say it...)
2. Nike T-shirt (L size)
3. One year supply of New Man Magazine (courtesy of he who shall not be named)
4. Happy Hours with the Chindian at a location of your choice in KL or Kota Kinabalu or Batang Berjuntai
5. Dinner voucher from Rumah Ku restaurant in PJ.

Prizes go to Top 3 winners. Contest open to everyone and anyone and also the United Kingdom readers (the three of you!) but prizes will be hand delivered only if I make my way up there again.

So far lines that have been used:

1. S'wak
checks out label on babe's skirt and when she asks what the frak, he replies, "Just making sure that you're Made in Heaven!" 

And she married him later!

2. Used on Peekz - 
"You Look Tired."
Yeah, cos babe you've been running around my mind all day!"

3. Chindiana (not a line but was the first juvenile attempt at a line at age 16)
Girls of dreams walks by. Its the end of the school year and I will not be seeing her ever again. A moment of madness grabs me, I stand up and shout at my friend, "Hey Fuker don't steal my curry mee!!!" Think i was trying to impress her with my macho-ness.

Ladie's, gents and hobbits, let's get this love fest started!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Over the weekend. I paralleled parked behind some cars to drop off my laundry. I get out, go to the back and take my laundry out from the boot. As I'm locking up my car my car heaves a little with that sickening sound that only a car that is hit will sound like.

Some lady who was parked had reversed without looking and backed into my side. I took a look. Nothing some knocking and polish couldn't cure. Aunty comes out and gives me the 'starecock action feature'. 

"Why did you park behind me?"

"HUH?" Why didn't you look before reversing? When I parked I didn't even know you were in the car or reversing as your indicator lights were not on." 

Getting pissed off she repeats "why did you park behind me??"

After this stupid line of questioning I ignored her, got into my car, moved it further down and went off to send my now seemingly expensive football socks for washing. She was still shaking her head and staring intently at her dent (Malaysian made car) as if expecting the dent to cure itself.

The reason for the infrequent posts is that my lap top's mother board went to the great Mother of All Boards in the Sky. I sent it to HP to see if they could save it. This trip was shorter than the last as it was Selangor's public holiday. Anyway they've learnt from their lesson on service - Now if you don't want to use their expensive service you just pay 50% of the Labour charge. I had to pay RM250 the last time to NOT use them to fix my laptop (which was sorted out by a friend for the princely sum of a jug of beer). This time around it's RM95. Anyway when i said i didn't want their service they got back to me with a special discount. They really wanted me to use their services. I should have know better but when one thinks of the word SERVICE CENTER you do NOT expect it to be a REVENUE GENERATING division of HP which is essentially what it is BUT defeats the purpose of calling it a SERVICE.

I'm off to Bali next week. 6 days. I've got two days booked at Kintamani where I'm planning on hiking up the Ulan Bator volcano. This is bad planning but I've no idea what to do for the next 4 days as I had booked this trip in January not realizing it was smack in the middle of the Hari Raya holidays. I know I do not want anything to do with Kuta. Ubud I'm saving when I go with that someone special (c'mon call me already Hannah Tan!). I'm planning on heading north and making my way back to the airport for my flight back on the 5th of October. I've read about the forests reserves, quieter beaches and some temples but if anyone has any fantastic experiences up north of Bali please let me know!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

OK You Clowns...

Look I already suffer from women calling me 'Nice', and 'Decent', both the death knell for the bargaining of every date Im out on, WITHOUT having these women bitch about how stupid guys like YOU who use stupid pick up lines like THESE:

1. "Your hair smells so good it makes my blood warm inside." - what the fuck dude??? Do you even fucking know you some Cannibal Holocaust reject?

2. I PERSONALLY heard this shit myself. Scenario - hot friend at our table. Pretty boy metro sexual dick head walks over, ignores the rest of us dudes at the table and goes "Is your father in the army?"

"Huh?", she goes.

"What the FUKKKKK?????," us guys at the table think.

Undeterred the dude repeats " Your dad MUST have been in the army because girl, you're da bomb!"

3. And what's with those stupid mind games???? We know the law of averages the number is 3 if you ask a girl to guess a number any where from 1 to 5. Get with the program, the women ALREADY  know this! And it's 5 or 7 if they need to think of a number between 1 to ten.  You and the rest of your kin have used the lines too many times la. I hear there's a karaoke in an oil palm estate in Batang Berjuntai where this line will still work but NOT at Poppy Garden, Kuala Lumpur!

4. Don't get your friend's to whisper looking astonished at the girl you just met - "You mean you don't know who his family is???" Look they know this line la. They know you're not royalty, don't own a couple of apartments in London nor do you play polo with the Queen of England. And to the guys who use these stunts - why la, you already have those fancy cars. Just show off the fancy watch, bring out those fancy car keys on the table and if she's the sort that'll get her engines started then you're all good. IF it doesn't, than she's got a lot more going on upstairs and will def not fall for the line that your aunty is Elton John. Seriously koteks, it doesn't matter if that car is your dad's, sugar mummy's, your GIRL Friend's who is on a shopping trip to London with her mum, they eventually will find out the truth.

5. This is for the loser club:
 - NO, their father's are not thieves who stole the stars from the skies and put them in their daughter's eyes.

- Don't say that you couldn't sleep because you were thinking of her smile that reminded you of the morning sun

- And don't direct translate any Cantonese pick-up lines into English! 

Get your act together you bunch! I'm NOT the frikin complaints bureau for angry women because of lame lines by lame dudes. 

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sep 16

Going by all the smses, 'news' on the Internet, yesterday would have seen the Malaysian Parliament dissolved at 2pm, Anwar meeting the King at 4pm and Bigfoot and Elvis sharing a bak kut teh buffet for dinner.

Yesterday we decided we would wait out the day in a normal way Malaysians enjoy a spectacle - in a pub. With beers and juicy bacon and cheese rolls.

Um...why are we talking takeovers? Why do we need it? At the bar no one seemed concerned. There were a few concerned more about the market and economy but obviously these are not of real concern to all sides in these interesting contest.

Malaysians are Can Do People. We're lepak aje. Selamber Joes. We don't do conflicts and takeovers. We have teh tarik and talk cock. Hit a Karaoke with a few girls called Fanny and Apple, sing a few songs, bond and it's all good. Problem solved. Yay.

I know that's how I would do it. I know in that pub that's how the bai fler, the Chinaman, the macha and the Pak Cik playing drums in the band would do it. I know most if not all folks I know would do it. We dont do drama as a collective. Individual agendas however are a different ball game.

Is it too hard to just get our economy back on track? Can we do this without a new government?

I just ordered some Star Wars statues from Singapore and I need our Ringgit to strengthen pronto! Help!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

We're Blessed?

Janda Baik just 40 minutes from the city. Our Singaporean neighbors can't get to this kind of getaway within 2 hours.

""This is a blessed country do you know that? I don't know what you bastards keep bitching about," said the gentleman from India who had spent two years in Malaysia. "When the economies fucked up in '97 you survived, when the tsunami hit, every one around you got fucked, yes you lost a little but it was peanuts compared to the rest. Thailand gets military coups all the time, Indonesia gets earth quakes, China earthquakes, wars all over the place, you go through metal detectors in Manila just to enter a shopping mall, your politicians busy fighting among themselves and YET still the economy seems OK! And you people complain when the price of rice goes up! I'm telling you, this is a blessed country!"

Yesterday I took a couple of friends to Janda Baik. Among them was Kimiko (not real name but all Japanese girls in this blog are called Kimiko), and she has been living in Malaysia for the past two years and has extended her contract as a Japanese language teacher here for another year.

She was talking to the rest about all the food she loves in Malaysia. Her eyes shining as she recalled every little town from Penang to Melaka that she has sampled our glorious culinary offerings. When we started the hike she looked up into the sky, a brilliant blue backdrop spotted with wispy white clouds, she said with gentle awe, as only Japanese women seem to be able to do, "Soooooo beautiful, not like real, like painting." Even when i apologised to her for the tough mud trails that we had to walk through, she only replied, her eyes bright, " I love it! It's fun!" She loves it here. She knows she will extend her contract again next year if she can. There is too much too see and enjoy.

I had a guest from France. I took him out for dinner one night and drove him around KL to show him some of the sights. "It so beautiful!" he said in hushed tones when he saw the Petronas twin towers but it was when he looked out from the car and said, "your country is so clean!" that I felt like I'd slipped into the Twilight Zone. "What the hell??? This can't be right" I thought to myself. So I drove down Chow Kit, along Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman and to some dodgy parts of town. "See, it's not all that clean," I said, feeling a little traitorous. "No, no, it IS clean. Not like Paris." he said softly craning his next about to look up at the buildings. Cleaner than Paris?

Cleaner than Paris.

It's beautiful. So much to experience.

We're blessed.

Maybe. Just maybe.....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

These Things Only Happen to Me...

After the renovation I decided to green the apartment. The last effort had led to mass plant genocide no matter how much time I spent on them so I was cautious it case it turned out to be another waste of time.

The Sis who can grow bonsai in the Gobi Desert personally escorted me to Sungei Buloh to pick out some plants. We bought some lovely tall plant things that we then planted in the trench outside my front balcony and some smaller potted plants.

Anyway, I was watering the smaller plants at the balcony that were looking rather tragic.
The mantra of talking to plants and it helps their egos and morale kept swimming in my head. " Oh well....what the fuck..." I thought to myself so I took a deep breath and said, " C'mon la chibai don't be a pussy la. The money plant OK wat and you just sitting here like a fukin diva. OKOK...look lets give you a name. c'mon how bout Vinnie like Vinne Jones? He's a hard ass mofo ler. How you want or not?" And you, how got flowers...hmmmm, gotta be a girl name. What do you want? Petunia? Haha! Fuker...(yeah I laughed at myself....) OKOK, you look like a Priscilla. Set! You kids be nic..........

I look up and see one of my stoner security guards just outside looking at me with a look of startled panic at what the fuck kind of residents talk to their plants while wearing only a towel and watering his plants from a used mineral water bottle at 11 pm at night...

Monday, September 8, 2008

Hyde Park, London

"You go down dat way, it's 5 minutes away and you can walk there. Very nice." smiled the hot Polish girl behind the bar at my hotel. After fighting off the urge to chat her up, I changed out of my suit into my travelling gear of Hobbit feet and elven cloak and went in search of a date with Mother Nature in the middle of central London.

Note the trees bending in strong afternoon wind. Damn Shiok!
It was a beautiful afternoon in London. The sun was glorious but was doing some cock teasing by playing peek-a-boo through the heavy clouds in the brilliant blue sky (hence the erratic lighting in the pics). The weather was just a little chilly due to the wind but it just added to the sense of freedom as I approached the gate. I stood at the entrance of Hyde Park overlooking The Fountains and was overwhelmed by the size. I didn't think it was THAT big. At least I wouldn't have any problems killing time there.

As I mentioned in the earlier post, it was great walking down the paths and cutting across the empty swaths of fall colored grass between the huge oak trees, it was a great feeling walking along as the reeds and willows by the lakeside rustled busily as the strong winds bent them back with it's force. The ducks provided an endless background soundtrack of quacks while the little squirrels ran fearlessly across pathways in search of nuts but more frequently to pieces of bread thrown at them by picnickers.

The Boathouse.

Ducks on the Serpentine, the man made lake.

I envied the joggers who could run in this beautiful park (my busted knees quietly begged me not to do anything stupid). Extremely well trained Labradors and even one Rottweiler frolicked between tree trunks as their owners chatted with each other. Any loose Rottweiler in Malaysia would probably eat my ass up in a minute...

Aunties and Uncles enjoying the park on a beautiful day.

Birds and kids, always a heart warming combination until some rogue duck pecks him on the balls...

Umm... Art near the Serpentine Gallery.

The Statue of Physical Energy. As some girls in PJ and Salak South would say, "So man!" Sculpted in 1904.

The Fountains.

While walking among the trees and sculptures and the lakes all I could think of was that THIS was a labour of love, protected and maintained for ALL to enjoy and appreciate. And of course this thing of raw simple beauty would never see the light of day in Malaysia where unscrupulous developers are ruthlessly tearing down everything that has a leaf on it in the immediate vicinity of KL and PJ and making nature now a domain of the rich and influential especially in the cities.

Sunday, September 7, 2008


I popped by the Hasbro toy sale in Shah Alam in the morning. Always good fun watching adults clamouring for toys, sales people throwing Transformers and Star Wars toys into the the crowd and folks scrambling and jumping about to catch them. Also a very stupid strategy of lining tables with toys that were hard to sell and throwing the saleable toys into the crowd (they would have to pay on the way out). This meant a huge crowd parking themselves in front of the tables with slower selling toys which other customers couldn't even see and get access to.

Also it seemed that they sales staff had more fun making folks plead them to open more boxes, and jump about whenever they flung a Animated Bumble Bee into the throng of hungry toy collectors.

The ONLY place I've ever seen where people turn up at a sale lugging their own cartons and huge boxes to take their purchases away!

Wasn't it a gorgeous beautiful day? Blue skies, lovely weather and sunshine - perfect for bak kut teh!

Pussy Cat Dolls at the Fashion Rocks concert in New York. C'mon girls, where's the compulsory 'sari fat' which comes with wearing a sari? Tsk....

Friday, September 5, 2008

London Bloke

Food court in Dubai International Airport

An average of 38 hours in planes and airports to only spend 19 hours on English soil before I was back home in Kayel sipping teh tarik.

Not a bad trip actually. Got my ass into KLIA at about 11.30pm on Tuesday and managed to wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed early Wednesday at about 8am. Surprisingly the only effects from my Lightning McQueen trip to London was me falling asleep while standing in one of those frakkin queues at Heathrow on my return flight to KL on Monday night. I probably wasn't out for long but the already slow queue had already moved about 10 feet in front and here's the best thing, the crowd behind me did not move an inch! They did not know that i had dozed off so they probably thought I was meditating or something but they actually waited patiently behind me! No sound, no shoves, as in Malaysia they would have just brushed me aside and gone on. Mat Salleh maju ler. Actually not quite, as the folks behind me were a mixture of Arabs, Indians and Aussies so We are the World Boleh!

The Heathrow Express Tube to Paddington Station - only 15 minutes from Heathrow Airport!

I left KL at 2AM on the 31st of August. Spent about 4 hours in transit in Dubai. Luckily I bumped into some old friends on the same flight so we spent the time catching up and playing Scrabble in the Dubai airport food court - second floor on your right.(depending on which direction your coming from but the duty free section is below you. Hard to see don't miss it!

I landed in Heathrow at about 2.30PM UK time and surprisingly went through immigration fairly quickly. Took the Heathrow Express to Paddington (Do not take the Underground unless you're NOT in a hurry to Paddington) at about 15 pounds at the counter (and NOT 8 pounds as I was informed). Checked in just before 4pm and rushed out again to meet Mel for tea.

It had started pouring as I waited for her at the entrance of Paddington Station. I spotted her even before I knew it. Only she would walk that way in the pouring rain(i used to call it her storm trooper march), umbrella covering her long hair, knee high boots, skinny jeans and a scarf that she used to love wearing in KL but more appropriate in the English Fall. The 3 hours went by soo fast it really felt like 30 minutes. Before i knew it, it was 8pm and Steph had just smsed that she was at the Bayswater Tube. We walked over Mel and I, my mind still reeling from how fast the time had light speeded by. There was still much to talk about. I promised I'd be back as we hugged goodbye. Dunno why, she gets married in December.

Steph in a way is much like Ah Chanz, a major babe with the potty mouth of a Russian sailor so we had a great time knocking back beers and baby back ribs in some restaurant in Bayswater. I got back to my hotel near Paddinton at about 10pm, made a vain attempt to sleep and ended up doing work from 2.30am to 6am.

Burlington Avenue - along my walk from Pall Mall to Padddington Station.

Went for my meeting at 10am that ended about 12pm. Since it was my first time in London I decided to take my time and walk back from Pall Mall to Paddington. It was not bad but that part of London just looked like any old street in Manchester or Liverpool just a lot more West Indians, Africans, Middle Eastern chaps and of course Malaysian students sipping tea in some chic cafe.

I got back at 3 pm and since my flight was at 10pm I took a walk to Hyde Park which was about less than 10 minutes from my hotel. (More on that in another post)

Commemorative Princess Diana marker along the pathways in Hyde Park.

Hyde Park in the evening.

All in all it was a solid trip. It was a full 19 hours in London and it meant a lot that I finally met Mel after all those broken promises two years ago. Catching up with Steph is always fun and the meeting went well although I know I'm a small player going against giants. The wandering around Hyde Park was lovely with the wind rippling across the lake and rustling the branches of willows, reeds and oaks, the squirrels playing catch around the trees and little kids feeding the ducks and pigeons around the waters edge. On the flight back it helped that Emirates has a great CD selection and when you're tired and flying over the Indian Ocean and you can choose between U2's Where the Streets Have No Name, Purple Rain, a couple of Van Morrisons, Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing and What's Going On or Bob Marley's Waiting in Vain AND play them all back to back, you know life is about stumbling across AND enjoying the simple pleasures it offers.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Inter-galactic Experience

What next? Stroke a Universe for a hernia and tickle a comet for constipation?