Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Subliminal Holler

Holler!!!! Sean Kingston in da house, making your booty bounce!!! Yeah say my name y'all!!!

Rappers, pseudo-rappers, Jamaican/West Indian singers are perpetually peppering their songs with references to themselves. Notice they're normally butt ugly motherfuckers that keep throwing their names about like confetti. Little John, looks like a hobbit that tried to eat Paris Hilton's tiara and Sean Kingston, well he's...cuddly, to put it nicely.

"My mama called me Kanye and I'm gonna make you sway!"

I dunno man it never really got to me until I heard Sean Kingston and his own self adulated crooning. C'mon fat boy, we know who you are. Your record label paid off the station to play the tunes and mention you like you're the next coming.

" Say it, say my name! X! Yeah baby! Xzibit and I'm sexy like a cheongsam slit!!!"

And the best stroke fest MUST the the Final Fantasy 'collabo'. Now TWO clowns with egos, sitting on the dock of the bay holding each other's dicks in their hands going - "

Usher - "Timbaland got the guns like trees and his dick is sweet!"

Timbaland layans back - "You call on Usher and he'll make you a gusher!

Wank, wank, wankwankwank wank wank.

It reality its probably just the record labels attempts at subliminal marketing. When you're up against all them hot women running around with their bobos in full MTV glory, a gazillion Westlife remakes, and your OWN producers pushing their own albums then you just know you're in trouble, whether you're Neyo or Chris Brown. And holy shit! what is that in the distance gyrating with Timberlake? Its frikkin' Madonna man. Fuk that Ho be back. Better throw in more references to my self in the second single before the old bitch gets her marketing machinery up to speed or heaven help us, she drops another coffee book table on an unsuspecting public.

"Little John King at the Showdown of Playas! Holler to my homies Little Bow Wow and Little Romeo! We rolling onto your streets, you be hiding your eyes from the bling on our grills because got so much gold leh and then ah...sigh... this shit is hard work. Moving on...

so yeah I think that subliminal shit is working. in a way... I just know it is, because every time I pass a toilet my mind goes, "Yeah baby Little John smokin like a big ass bong!" or I see a stray mutt humpin his lady friend, my brain thinks, " Little Bow Wow aint so little now, he goin to lay the pipe cos his game is tight!" And whenever I see Nicole Sherzinger I just think "Damn you Timbaland! Damn yoooouuuuuuuuuu!!!!!"

Yes, competition in the market place has made us desperate to reach out and make sure that clown on the streets remembers us. But. BUT I don't see the rockers, punk rockers, country singers, industrial rockers and even frikkin Celine Dion throwing out their names in song.

Billy Corgan - "I'm the King Pumpkin and all youse rappers are my Munchkins!!!"

John Legend - "You ladies come enjoy Heaven under the Legend..." coupled with some gelek gelek moves he likes to do.

Elvis - "The King gonna make you shake, rattle and roll!!!" - followed by some violent hip thrusts, like he's trying to shake off his balls.

Well it has worked. I wont buy a Sean Kingston album or an Akon T-shirt but I do remember them. It wont change my perception of them but they're there at the back of my mind, somewhere between 'file income tax' and 'trim nose hairs'.

So yeah, yay for subliminal messages...


Nex said...

Huh? Who? What?

Why u messin' with those rhymes dude? They ain't good for ya. Leave da rappin' to da gansta. Peace.

*puts on 'Unchain My Heart' by Joe Cocker and chill*

Chindiana said...

Unchain My Heart? Joe Cocker? Welcome back Nex...