I am NOT A STAFF OF AIRASIA.
I OCCASIONALLY do contract work for them only.
I DO NOT OWN AirAsia.
I DO NOT OWN their planes.
I DO NOT play Mahjong with the owners of AirAsia.
AirAsia is actually NOT AN INTERSTATE BUS SERVICE. Those huge metal tubes you get on and strap yourself into? They can FLY wan. Wah...impressed rite? Got flying bus. Wah, Malaysia Boleh...
OK, Top 5 phone calls I get FROM FRIENDS and acquaintances seeking help with their problems when flying with a budget airline.
1. "Hey Chindy can you ask them to let me through? I was late because I got stopped by the cops for speeding just now. Had to speed la cos I woke up late!" C'mon la talk to them. Why not flexible wan?"
- Yeah I should right? Because its the cops fault, your alarm clock's fault and the airline's fault that you're going to miss your flight.
2. "Dude can you get them to hold the plane! I'm just passing the Sepang toll!"
- I am not a Jedi. I can't hold planes or interstellar craft in one place for some clueless space cadet.
3. "Woi can you talk to this fuker here? He wants to charge me excess baggage for my diving tanks la!"
- Yes can do folks, only if your diving tank is attached to your bladder.
4. "Can you check for me online what is the best price? or "You book for me online la, sure can get cheaper!"
- watthefuk-laaaaaaaaaah... how the fuk am I to do that? I don't live in the fuckin Matrix!!! And NO, i DO NOT have secret overriding passwords.
5. "Eh not cool la you. What you mean the stewardess wont come out with us?"
- Because they don't know your sorry ass or your sorry friend's sorry ass. They don't really know my sorry ass and prob want nothing to do with ALL our sorry asses.