Monday, March 31, 2008

Nilai Camel

Holy Exotic Livestock Batman! The things you find travelling along our Malaysian trunk roads! I was in Seremban yesterday and took the old Seremban - Nilai trunk road as the North-South highway was jam packed with probably alla youse fellers doing the last minute Cheng Meng duties. It was drizzling but it was still a nice drive. The kampung houses, the rubber and palm oil estates and then suddenly Maggie the Serene here pops up in my peripheral vision. The drizzle wasn't that heavy so I took a coupla pics. She was in some mini ranch livestock farm with also some deer and cows. The buildings had no signage at all. If you're coming from Seremban its just before the Sungai Lambar bridge. Anyway, a camel sharing space with deer(venison) and cattle (steaks) does make one hope that she not going into some one's belly in some exotic meat restaurant! Suddenly I feel guilty for not being a bigger busy body...

Really bad pic. Overcast day and they were under the shaded shelter. Deer oh deer...;)

Saturday, March 29, 2008


Its sort of a milestone. I've been blogging for just over a year and a quarter and its kinda of a weird feeling. What started as an avenue to get back into the writing groove to make the free lance jobs easier turned out into:

1. A whole shithouse full of pent up rants that were just waiting to explode out of my ass.

2. An excuse to play with my toys and overall just make my juvenile hobby a public spectacle. Sorry, they're ACTION FIGURES. And NO Melissa, the 12" die-cast transforming Optimus Prime is NOT a DOLL.

3. A personal diary of sorts.

4.A great way to exorcise all those Tops 5 lists that keep popping up in my head when I'm stuck mumbling to my balls in traffic jams.

5. Surprisingly a great way to catch up with old friends, make new ones and to get the opportunity to get close and personal to the friendly neighbourhood Amway cyber spook.

I honestly thought I would last a couple of months only after the free lance writing started to flow a little more smoothly. I didn't realise how therapeutic it was just venting out to all and sundry. So we stand here more than a year on with me now thinking of new sections to add onto this blog:

I want to feature people. Interesting and duds alike. Folks like you and me. Tha turbanless bai feller and his older traditional uncle, that old dude who takes pictures of lingerie models in Singapore, that yoga teacher in Taman Tun who gave up a career in physics in Germany, my aunty who walked thru communist infested rubber estates at 5am to send my dad to school and walked back alone. I want to tell these stories.

We're losing ourselves in the Matrix (Nex is lurking there already!). Facebook and MSN are isolating us from the from the humanity that is surrounding us. It's the end of the world when someone in the same room says "Hey i got something to ask you. See you online." What the flying fuck is that? Online? Tiu man. Online is where you pay your bills and download porn. Online is where you eBay happily that Japanese school girl uniform for your wife. Fuck, Online is even a pub in Damansara Kim which serves wildboar curry and the best Guinness in PJ. Why would you go online to ask me if I've got a copy of Desperate Housewives when I'm standing right in front of your balls???

So yes, maybe I need to get back in touch with this world and the real things that are important to us. Meeting and talking to REAL people might just help me out. So yes I'm going to expand on the PEOPLE section. Must make more human contact.

2. I love music. Malaysian radio is making my arse turn baboon red. Gotta find a way to get something done so its not YouTubed all the time here.

Anyway, its a slow day. Bart just stood me up for our planned road trip. I've set a meeting at 4pm that will probably get cancelled so I've got some time to kill.

I'd like to give a shout out to to alla you peeps who've been dropping by this little nook in the universe:

Farah Siva for inspiring me to get this blog started. Dont think she reads this blog much nowadays but this hottie pretty much told me to get off my ass and get started on C'Trails.

Those of youse with valuable opinions!

1. Ah Lim - Mr. Nice Guy with a fetish for Russian vodka. The most religious reader of this here blog o' nonsense!

2. Nex - My old buddy from THOSE DAYS! The Fountain of never ending info! Probably cos he DOES live in the Matrix!

3. Bart August - Mr. Popularity, Social Slut and a Muffin Making Machine

4. Han Solo - We met HERE! haha! Or was it the other way around? Kaki for all that is Geek and also a bigger adventurer than all of us!

5. S'wak - The Legal Eagle from Sarawak. One of the best prop customisers in Malaysia!

6. Hidekram - From our neighbors down South. Patient with me for the occasional Singapore bashing!

7. Kelv - Kelvinator, Astro Boy, The Stud Muffin of the Skies!

8. The FON - let me reveal this once and for all. It stands for Force Of Nature. The FON waits on the fringes of our mental state waiting for moments of weakness when he reaches out with hungry fingers and drags us into insanity while he giggles hysterically with a mouthful of pink M&Ms.

9. Wak this Way - Across the oceans and continents! Good to have you here dude!

10. The FON's BFF - monitoring this blog to ensure that it is FON critic free. shiver....

The Stelth Readers - the quite ones

11. My Sister Dear (one of my most loyal readers from day One. Quietly reading her older bro's juvenile rants because "it's my brother's blog so I'll read it")

12. Winnie the Pooh - The most foul mouthed woman in Malaysia and now we've exported her to Liverpool! Wahaha you poor Scousers!

13. K.K. (Word up cousin!) - Part of the old gang from the old days!

14. V (Attitudes Forever! Sorry for the FFK. Beers on me next round! Promise)

15.Jaspal the Wise aka The Son of Siew Yoke - reading quietly and laughing to himself in some server room somewhere in Batang Berjuntai.

16. Satwant the Biker COO - reading just to make sure I haven't lost my mind yet!

17. The anonymous person from AA that checks in and corrects my mistakes. Thanks for the Red Arrows correction!

18. Lee Mei - quiet support from the SS2 Dimpled Gangster. Yeah anyone, c'mon man, fuk with me in SS2! She's got my back! Sorry Boss just joking! :)

19. Peekaboo - No choice but to read her boss's blog to check on his moods!

Of course there are others out there but I don't have 100% proof you still drop by so I'll just put you HERE as Special Guests Stars.

Special Mention

Rocky Bru! - See, I'm a name dropping slut! I'm so lame but fuk it la. haha! Rocky stopped by to check out my post on Chris Benoit.

The Amway Dude who checks back whenever I drop the magic key words of FUCK AMWAY. FUCKING AMWAY. NETWORK 21 SUCKS THE SWEAT OF A DEAD MAN'S BALLS! Hey man, sorry bout this. Its the last time I'll do this OK? But don't be a stranger. I still think the Malaysian Government can learn a thing or two from you on online PR management. Simply awesomely professional!


1. Them and US - Any topic about women and what I think of them - always exciting. When I get sensitive I kena whack, when I rant then it's not all women are like that. How la??? Actually Solo you right not all are that bad, 20% of them are sane like you.

2. That crazy exchange of comments under I think its the We're not in Oz anymore post where Nex, Solo, S'wak, Ah Lim and myself digressed from the sorry state of the country to opening a restaurant in New Zealand serving Sup Kambing Sauron, Nasi Lemak Burung Nazgul and S'wak's choice of Vader vadei!

3. And of course that whole Manu Militari affair!

And Ah Lim still thinks Manu Militari means an erection. Ah Lim! Aiyo you ahh... Here goes:

- Manu Militari means MASTURBATING in French.

- It is NOT a Hard On. A Hard On is when you're all flag poled up, its that morning chubby you get, its when you're watching the adult version of Pirates, its when you're all ready to drill a hole in a wall when sufferring from lack of shag/wank action.

- Its NOT the male reproductive organ, the penis, little Jonny, our wiener. A penis is a penis weather it's a limp biscuit, standing to attention or wearing a tuxedo.

So when you say " The Fon running around the office with a manu militari, it literally reads The FON running around the office with a masturbation." The proper use of the word would be 'The FON running around the office manu militari". No "with".

Ok end of today's French lesson...

My Top 5 Toy Bits

The Topic on the Government planning on getting Mat Rempits to chase down snatch thieves

"Oooookaaaaay...Which one do we arrest again?"

2. The Difference in Our Thinking

"Damn, i wonder how many drinks I need to buy to get her drunk..."

"Damn, if he spends so much time on himself where is he going to find the time for me? Would I regret anything tomorrow? He's probably a player, won't call me tomorrow. What if he's nice and then he might think I'm easy. I wonder what he does for a living? Hope he doesn't drive a Kancil. Nice bod, hope he's got some brains too. Bet he's got a girl friend...I don't like how his friends look. Maybe can keep him on standby in case the Boy friend doesn't work out. ..etc.etc"

3.Seremban Fler in LCCT

"...grumble..grumble..bloody nonsense LOW COST Terminal! Where's the bloody LOW COST Mamak?.....grumblegrumble..bloody kids..grumblegrumblegrumble...." UPDATE : this post was done a year ago. There now is a food court outside the LCCT with quite reasonable prized local grub.
4. Texas shoot first law

"Uh Mom, I don't think it's a Mat Rempit. It looks like the Domino's delivery guy..."

5. Guinness

"Hey, I'm still ok allright? It's just one for the road..."

Special Category - Best Make-up

R2D2 to Jason Voerhees. Miraculous transformation from an amiable helpful droid into a hellish, supernatural killer!

Peace and Majulah Rakyat Untuk Negara!

GI Joe Movie 2009

Lordy, fan boys rejoice! After the Autobots and Decepticon slug fest last year, the '80s revival continues with GI Joe hitting the screens next year. Here's a sliver of the look and feel of the show.

Snake Eyes here is played non other by Ray Park who will never ever be able to play a role that requires him to speak or without back-up voice-over support. I'd pay big bucks and a roti telur to have Darth Maul say to Darth Sidious in a chipmunk voice, "yes master and now we will have our revenge..." Wahaha!

Release date August 7th 2009. Below some details:

Stephen Sommers (the Mummy, Van Helsing, etc)
Stuart Beattie
Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Ray Park, Rachel Nichols, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Said Taghmaoui, Marlon Wayans, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Arnold Vosloo, Christopher Eccleston
Paramount Pictures


For more go HERE.

*thanks to Bart for the nice pic

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Comedy Court - Why MCA

Good for a laugh in you're lacking the usual morning coffee.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

TimeOut Kuala Lumpur Officially Launched

Our buddy Bart August launched his second magazine in one year! The former editor of AirAsia's in-flight magazine Travel 360 is now the new Managing Editor of TimeOut Kuala Lumpur. The lifestyle mag with generous portions dedicated to food, enterntainment and arts has already hit the bookstands. Go HERE for their info packed web site.

Of course who can't overlook the very 'Bartian' ingenuity of sending the official launch party invitations in the form of limited edition TimeOut chocolates. Very nice Bartholomew August!

"HOLY FUCK! How many of these do we have to deliver?!!!

Monday, March 24, 2008

What Fathers Think of Their Sons

"Whiney little prick! Falls off his bike and he starts calling for his Mommy. Brings home his first pay check and thinks his balls are bigger than mine!"

*Toys and pictures property of Chindiana Trails

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Star Wars Red Bull Formula One Racing

In keeping with the Formula One spirit here's something for you motor head geeks out there! This is old news but I thought it would be fun especially since I was on the topic of the AirAsia Williams designed livery on their plane.

The Force powered by the Dark Side takes on the streets of Monaco.

During the Monaco GP on May 22nd 2005, Red Bull and George Lucas came up with this fantastic marketing gimmick. The Red Bull cars were painted to tie in with Star Wars EP3:Revenge of the Sith movie launch and it was a full blown Star Wars affair in Monaco with old George turning up with full Imperial, Republic and Rebel support. Anyway the Force was not with them and they sucked up a storm at this race but who gives a shit right when you look this cool...
Now check THIS out:

The frakkin' pit crew in modified gear to resemble Storm Troopers! And check out Darth Vader moonlighting as the chief engineer/Lollipop Man!

Actual race conditions. Vader ditched the cape of course.Geek wet dream? Prob not, you'll just complain it's not accurate by the high standards of the 501st Legion.


Life size X-wing specially flown in.

Hayden Christiansen being interviewed while being stalked by some creepy dude in brown robes.

Official entrance. No door bitches here.

Chewbaca, the official party slut.

The tough life rich folk have to put up with.

Pictures from Go HERE for more.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Sir Frank Williams AirAsia Airbus A320

Earlier today AirAsia officially unveiled their Airbus A320 painted in the livery of the Williams Formula One team. The aircraft is christened the 'Sir Frank Williams' after the founder and team owner.

It does look impressive up close. Members of the public were invited with the media for this special occassion. Regional contest winners from a promotion that AA ran were flown in from Thailand and Indonesia to also attend this occassion.

Drivers Nico Rosberg and Kazuki Nakajima were on hand to add the 'glam' factor. Seen here with AirAsia Group CEO, Tony Fernandes and AirAsia X CEO Azran Osman Rani.

Malaysian and international shutterbugs turned out in force. Probably the novely of the first ever Formula One team livery painted on an aircraft.

My first time actually taking a picture of the AA girls for the blog. The girls flanking the two in uniform are wearing AirAsia's new range of Williams/AA apparel.

Nico, Kazuki and Tony unveiling the name of Sir Frank Williams on the Airbus A320.

'Captain' Nico Rosberg ready to try out another type of vehicle.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Cheng Meng Festival

I can't sleep but my brains are still a little groggy so I'm just sitting here in front of the laptop thinking about what to write.

Cheng Meng as it's called in Cantonese (thanks V!) or Chin Beng as my family refers to it is around the corner. My aunty has sounded me off to pick a date so the both of us can do our duties for Ah Kung by visiting him at the cemetery along the old road from Seremban to Port Dickson.

And for ONCE I just KNOW I'm not going to get lost in the cemetery! Finally this blog has payed off! OK I've been cheating a bit lately by re-posting stuff but I'm re-posting my Chin Beng post from last year as it's still one of the the most easiest post I ever wrote (just came out naturally, no re-checking, editing, etc.).

And hey re-posting is fun! Didn't we all have some manu militari joy a coupla months back? Haha!

Chin Beng
Chindiana Trails
Tuesday, 23rd March, 2007

Did I spell it right?Anyway, I've warmed up to going with my aunty on our yearly early morning trips to the cemetery on the trunk road to Port Dickson. I used to hate it when I was younger, as my father who also hated crowds would make us leave Seremban at 6 am and get there just before dawn.

It was awesome though. I'd see fires blazing in the graves around me and on the hill overlooking ours, fireworks going off and the overall festivities that would make the monkeys in the neighbouring forest agitated.

Now it's a different scenario altogether. The rest of the family has backed out of going. I now find my aunty and myself the only ones on my dad's side making this trip to pray for my grandfather. As the infantile one in the group I'm assigned the sweeping, cleaning and joss stick lighting duties. She still wont let me burn the cardboard chest full of Hell Notes as in her eyes I'll always be the careless little kid who liked to burn things around the house. Darn.

It always starts with the minute of panic when we forget the location of the grave site in the rows and rows that lay in front of us. I try so hard to remember the procedures but short of taking notes I'm definitely not going to remember next year. Even though now as i type it down I know its clean, light joss sticks, pray, lay out food, put yellow and white papers on grave, burn cash and goodies, wait for Gramps to eat, pack up, pray and leave. And also that the grave is 6 rows down from the shaded rest area and 2 deep. Just as i know next year i will still be wandering down row 9 and 3 deep as i do every year.

I like it now because as it's up to me I go on weekdays at least 5 days before the official days. I hate the crowds and the horrendous traffic on the actual Chin Beng weekend. Its quiet on weekdays and there will be maybe 3 families in sight. We go early so that when Ah Kung settles down to his breakfast of steamed chicken, roast pork, pink muffins, Chinese tea and fruits, dawn normally breaks over the hills and bathes the cemetery with a golden light. The skies are clear blue. The cemetery stretches out as far as i can see and is ringed by a rubber estate in the west and a hill that you can see the sea from in the north. When I close my eyes because the joss stick smoke is too strong I hear the birds sing as they fly about, the rooster in the nearby farm greets us from just beyond the trees and you hear one of the planes preparing to land at KLIA as a morning breeze mixes with the warm morning sun. The monkeys are long gone since the cemetery has eaten away at the forest as more of our clan folk shuffle off the mortal coil.

We pack up the stuff and Kuma pours the tea in front of Ah Kung's tomb stone. She prays to him and his two wives. The one he left in China and the one who's buried in Seremban. Today I eat my once-a-year brunch of 'siu yok' , steamed chicken, rice and hot brued coffee. If Mum or Aunty Kamala next door have tapau'ed breakfast then I have the additional hot roti canai and vege dhal waiting when i get back. Lovely.As I pick my way out of the graves I find myself remembering the location of the grave with confidence just like I've done for the past 10 years.I think to myself "Aiya no prob la, so easy. Don't know how I can ever forget..."


Sunday, March 16, 2008

Sunburst KL Pictures

The lessons that you need to take back from Sunburst:

1. Guys! All you need to do is learn to dance like John Legend. Doesn't matter if you've got the vocal acrobatics of a scalded cat, Just. Take. It. Sloooooow. Make every move your own, don't hold back and just slowly gelek-gelek the night away. Just look self satisfied and confident. The lady folk seem to think it's very,very sexy.
2. Concession food will ALWAYS taste like half-broiled roadkill.
3. Check before hand if the organisers have the right to station 'valets' at the main road and charge RM5 when you park your car illegally on the road side when parking space for the next 2 miles is taken up.

4. There are more hot women than on an average day out.

5. There are even more protective boy friends than on an average day out.

6. Beer promoters go through All Terrain All Condition Anti-Arsehole Marathon Survival training. Cheers girls for being professional through the long hours in your 'lil outfits.

7. Pass your friends those VIP/Comp tickets in advance. If you're holding those 'nuggets' that means you're WORKING on that day. Free tickets in Malaysia looses it's value the minute it's considered FREE. They'll take their time to turn up, they'll come separately in groups of a coupla hundred, turn up 5 minutes before curtains, especially when you're trying to tally up sales/clean up your booth/ get that number from that cute girl ! Be firm, tell them to Fuk Off and suck your peanuts. Nicely of course. They ARE still your friends.
8. John Legend makes me think of Marvin Gaye. Just more contemporary. I know, it doesn't make sense.

Bart August trying out his Tuborg Blowpipe of Love.

Fire Eater/Fire Blower dude.

The fire works. Nice touch.

Great crowds. Very well behaved. Knew how to queue up even for F&B.

Ahh. Good old George. Never, EVER thought I'd see him 'live'. Old Skool funk started the off my evening when I got there about 7pm.

Raul Midon from New York. Just one blind dude and his guitar. One awesomely perfect set.

The Roots. Tight. Didn't know there were so many fans of the boys from Philly.

Some dudes playing Housey/Trancey/Basey/Mickey?Mousey um...transient mood music.

Chenelle. Just a novelty. Cant really dance either.

Kelvin from Twilight Action Girl. The TAG boys brought along their hard core uh..TAGGERS and umm... TAGGETTES?

Incubus. Ladies who were there, can you say 'shirtless sweaty rocker'?

Holy Frak! Amy and Search turn up in the wee hours of the morning!

Sorry Amy, not my cuppa...