Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Aliens vs Predator Requiem

It's reads ALIENS versus PREDATOR. NOT Aliens versus Predator versus Sensitive Dumbass Humans Who Are Seriously Good Folk Who Don't Deserve To Die.

We only watch this series in hopes to see a galactic smackdown that technically should at least be half as good as 300 (ultimate jantan show of ALL time ever!!!). But of course Hollywood can't seem to find the balls or creativity to make this happen.

They've tried to make it violent. 'Lil baby aliens busting out of a kid's chest, pregnant women doing some weird fellatio action with the hybrid alien's second um...head/tongue with a mouth thingy, followed by their stomachs all busted by the lil xenomorphs (that's what they're called right?), a dude's arm getting burnt off by acid blood, a horny bimbo being nailed by the Predator's bladed discus, an entire town's collection of ass dumb fuckwits getting nuked by their own government, etc. And all the while you're thinking "OK then, when is the action REALY going to start?"

Only the Aliens come through this action/horror/ Movie Lite with their integrity intact. Hey, a beastie is just a beastie. When he shits on your shoe you just say "bad boy Rex" and clean it up. The humans of course are faceless props. Most disappointing is the Predator. The supposed supreme galactic hunter easily gets snuck-up upon by aliens almost at random, is noisy and easily distracted (dude had time to skin a human when he's Alien hunting). Doesn't help that all the action is in the dark or in the rain in the dark. I've officially come to the conclusion that the Predator for all his strength and energy of a castrated bull is, WITHOUT his technological gear, just a deaf, partially blind blond bimbo with the sense of smell of a 15 year old dachshund.

No reason to watch this. Save the money and watch Game Plan with the girl friend/date.

1 comment:

Nex said...

Seems that the scientific name for the xenomorphs (Internecivus raptus) which literally means "murderous thief", is more suited for the Studio dimwits who managed to turn two marvelous stand-alone franchises into this abominable and sacrilegious fare...

I'm gonna watch it just to see how bad it is. But I'm not even gonna bother buying a DVD from Uncle Ho, but instead through he magic that is Bittorrent :P