Sunday, January 27, 2008

Arrogant Bastard Beer

Well if you MUST go niche then tell the rest of the world they're a bunch of low life, bottom feeders! Here's an example of some marketing with a bad attitude from an American brewery. I've no idea how it tastes like unfortunately but think it's a cool branding exercise.

ENLARGE the label below for more arrogance!


For more infor head on over to arrogantbastard.com.

Old Friends

Does anyone remember their first friend? Imaginary buddies don't count. C'mon, the very first person whom you met and hung out with that was not bonded to you by blood?

I just got back from a friend's wedding. THE Friend. The Original and First friend I ever met in my entire life at the age of about 6 or 7. He's the Adam, Papa Smurf, Grandmaster Melle Mel and Darth Watshisface of friends.

I was planning on bailing halfway through the 2 hour plus Hindu wedding. It had been a late Saturday night, I didn't get much sleep and didn't have time to grab breakfast before driving back to Seremban in the early morning to pick up my mum and head over to the temple wedding.

The trumpets sounded and my Bud walked in. His parents picked Mum and me out from the crowd and waved. His dad mouthed something that was drowned out by the accompanying drummers. My friend looked over a little uncomfortably with a sheepish smile and I somewhat stupidly gave him the thumbs up and grinned as he walked past to the stage.

I stayed till the end.

Maybe it was the smell of the fresh curry lunch outside or maybe because this was the first person I played any sport with besides my dad and uncles, the first person i got into trouble with and first person to talk about girls with. I used to kick his ass at one-on-one football but that's why he's a doctor now while people mistake me for an athletic socks sales man.

This friendship means something to me. It's been going on for almost 3 decades so it's got to be a Burger Spesel kinda thing. I still meet old friends, some whom I've outgrown and we do not share much in common anymore. But if someone who drives up from Seremban and thinks of me and calls me up to meet for some teh tarik then fuk, it I will go and talk old war stories. So another reminder to me to treasure the REALLY more important things in life and not to pay too much heed to the aesthetic material seductions brought on by too much city living.

Side notes:
1. Finally got sarcastic with some old dude when he as me "So young man, when is your turn?" Before i could think some auto response kicked in and I looked at his family, turned back to him and said, "No la Uncle, not ever. I'm enjoying myself being single." (note - I've been getting this queries at every function. The last dude even challenged me that I was not a man as I didn't see a need to bear many children. My normal response back in those days would be "Soon...soon..." I like the new one better!)

2. Seremban People Rule! - after the 2 dudes were mowed down by a bus at the Seremban section of the North-South highway last year, where one guy was helping the other to change a tire - I saw an almost similar good Samaritan act - an Indian guy on a bike stopped to help a Malay dude change the tire on his Kancil along the same highway, while the Malay dude's wife held an umbrella waving off cars away from the emergency lane. With the Hindraf nonsense and the anti- Indian sentiments in some communities this was heartening to me that the Indian dude actually still stopped to help out when it looked like a lot is going against him at this point of time.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Decision Makers Step Up Please!

Is it just me? Really is it ME? I seem to be stuck in situations for years and years, where firm decisions made by confident humans are really hard to come by. Its like Chindiana Jones and the Adventures of Indecision!! Firm calls made by strong minds are as hard to come by as that elusive Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

The buck passing season has begun folks - Hut! The decision to buy the pantry coffee machine has been passed from Operations to HR! HR punts the ball up to Management who slides down the line and back tosses the call to Finance. Finance grabs the ball firmly, stands tall, looks down field at everyone and says confidently "Fuck off, no budget this year. Tapau coffee from home. Here have a plastic bag and a straw".

A wail of protest comes up from the crowd! The Union calls for a meeting and sets up a Committee, the Committee appoints a Chairman who appoints to 3-legged muskrat as Special Projects Head to ensure that the elusive coffee machine MUST GET INTO THE PANTRY AT ALL COST!

The muskrat looks tearfully out the window and as a Hindi song plays out cheerfully from the pantry radio he realizes that he's alone and fuked anyway - No coffee machine, it's HIS FAULT. If he DOES get that coffee machine, the Chairman and Union Committee are hoisted up as champions. He turns around to the baby lizard peering out from behind the fridge and says "I'm nominating YOU as the Special Task Force to the Special Projects Head on acquisition of the pantry coffee machine..."

"Sigh...ball carriers are targets too!"

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Shell Wildlife Photographer of the Year


Zebra Crossing by Anup Shah

The Wildlife Photographer of the Year has been running since 1964. Its a competition that's owned by the British Natural History Museum and BBC Wildlife Magazine. It has in recent years been sponsored by Shell.

The contest is open to all. There is even a category for kids below 10 years old. There's the overall winners and sub categories such as landscape, animal behaviour, under the ocean, etc.


The pictures are great and puts us right in the face of a world long forgotten by us city slickers. We've ignored that the harsh, deadly beauty of nature still lives at the edge of our day to day lives, safe in our tattered sarongs and shorts, chugging back that beer in front of the telly on Football Saturday Nights.

The pictures here are some samples and I encourage you to enlarge them for full glorious detail! Also from the link below to the web site you get to read the comments of the photographers which is fantastic as they explain the very moment these stunning images were captured. Enjoy!

Car Wash



Turtle Grooming by Andre Seale


Frag it, I'm screwed now...



Polar Meltdown by Anne Naevra

Tragic




Mistaken Identity by Michel Denis-Huot. The cub (and it's sibling) had wandered away from the pride for a few days. The pride found them later but because they smelt differently they were treated aggressively. The cub lashed out at the lion and was set upon by the rest. Both cubs were killed and one of the lioness was seen eating one of the cubs later.

And then there's Magic...


Mallards at Dawn by Arnaud Darondeau



Elephants below Mount Kilimanjoro by Martyn Colbeck

Turf War


Hyena at Bay by Christopher Courteau. A pack of wild dogs go after a stray scavenger.

Solo Attack


Sky Chase by Manuel Presti. A lone Peregrine Falcon goes after a flock of skylarks.


Who dat?



Encounter by Anna Henly



Metamorphosis



Damsel Emerging by Ross Hoddnott. A dragonfly emerges from it's larvae cocoon.

Snack Attack!



Great White Torpedo by Amos Nachoum. A seal gets taken out of the ocean by a hungry hunting machine.

Piss your pants encounters


Underwater encounter byMichel Loup. Enlarge this underwater shot of the anaconda coming out from the watery hiding place to appreciate the moment!

Night Pride by Cristobal Serrano Perez. Imagine you pull over late one night to take a piss by a river and...

Just Chilling...



Rajan Snorkeling by Jeff Yonover. The elephant is named Rajan and he's swimming while his trunk is above water.

Just Eating...


Stoat Sandwich byAri Tervo. Cute 'lil feller...



And finally...



Merkat Moment by Shem Compion. Both parent and baby mesmerized by the wasp/hornet.

If any of you guys want to take part or just want to enjoy more of the great pictures go HERE.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Heath Ledger Found Dead

The upcoming Batman movie will tragically see increased viewership based on curiosity factor to catch the young actor's final movie role. From trailers, Ledger was supposed to be awesome form in the movie. Go HERE for the breaking news.

Ledger as the more primal looking Joker from this year's The Dark Knight Returns.

Death Of Facebook

Holy Crap! Let's see what do we have here - Best Friend, Cool Friend, Top Friend, Close Friend and now Favourite Peeps??? How many applications do you need to shout out your declaration of loyalty to your mates?

I, the Chindian declare on this day, the 23rd of February 2008 that Facebook will plateau off in the year 2010 and plummet into obivilion. Older users will retreat into smaller groups, the horny ones will of course be plowing the various dating apps for action and the younger kids will have been turned off by the billion or so applications and move on to another social networking site probably with real time facilities.

Of course it's still cool. I get to see what my friends are doing all over the world, find old mates and make a sad attempt at keeping in touch regularly with them and even occasionally Flirt with some Hottie who immediately dumps my cheesy flirt (hey its bloody pre-programmed!) into the trash with a squeal that's reserved for marauding cockroaches.

It's the frakkin' weight of the applications that just might turn us off it, with only the Scrabble and Poker players keeping the Facebook traffic going together with the playas from Zoosk, Flirtable and what's the other one? Meet New People?

Isn't it nuts that the most hugs and kisses I get are from married women? Hey you OTHER lot, I've told you if your boy friends are large, Sentul types just send me beer please! It makes me breath easier than a Friend Fuck or Seduce Me request.

The most significant application is the indirect opportunity for you to gauge the strange and wonderful minds of your buddies and not so buddies alike. I'm actually honoured that on facebook I'm considered a Hot Chick, I've been given a Great Kisser Award from someone I've never kissed (oh crap, how drunk was I that night...?) and some by buddies who wish to know the most probing of all questions - "which FRIEND's TV series character am I?"

I've been sent virtual bubble wrap to pop out my daily stress and my friends have Blessed Me and sent me Good Karma too! Cheaper than buying me beer I guess... I don't know what Flavour I am or what Rainbow Color too as I've ignored this requests. And I must apologise to friends for accidentally forwarding some anal request to you as I'm still not used to these apps. I will never know who is Interested in me as in order to find out I have to invite ten of my friends into this application and the story goes on.

The Superwall application now has officially replaced the good old fashioned email where now, ALL of us get to see each others forwarded jokes, Youtube moments and worse, the re-emergence of the Chain Letter Gangs!

Hey, anyone out there get friend requests from strangers who just want to boost up their Friends lists? They don't even bother to reply your polite queries on who the fuk are they?

Of course the freaks are prowling the boundaries. Here's a freakish story, Melissa had a Friend request from some distant acquaintance. She added him on and things started to get a bit weird - messages and such. She visited his profile page and discovered.....ALL HIS FRIENDS WERE ONLY WOMEN CALLED MELISSA! Cue some Norman Bates stabbing soundtrack!

SO! I now use this thing to just chat with buds locally and abroad, send that occasional egg or plant, keep track on birthdays and yes, visit the land of Flirtable once in a while! Ladies, I am a Good Kisser and I'm a Love Doctor not a Love Machine and you must believe me its always best to find out first hand. Never trust applications that share the same home with those that pledge to donate money every time you Donate Carbon Offsets to save the world.

Oh yeah, Happy Thaipusam Y'all!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Janda Baik 2008


First off, this post dedicated to Aggie who was stuck in the office over the weekend while we went out and got all cosied up with Mother Nature!

Ah Lim and I hit the hills on Sunday, my effort to getting back to fitness this year finally up and running! Went off to Janda Baik as its the easiest trail of all and there was always the lure of the sea food joints nearby. We didn't anticipate it raining the night before so we got stuck in some mud prone areas on the second half of the trail. The trail we took is the one right at the end of the tar road that takes you into Kampong Janda Baik. Once you see the start of the forked dirt trails ahead, just park it and hike it. Drive into Janda Baik via the Genting Sempah turnoff (right after the tunnel) or the Bukit Tinggi turnoff along the Karak Highway. Just look out for signs or ask some dude along the way. There are lots of trails in there but this one is the only one we take.


There's been some changes since the last time I went there about 8 months back with the boys from Aston Moore.Many of the kacang bottle farms at the back of the trail seemed to have been abandoned but many new ones have sprouted up at the beginning of the trail. A lot of the hills nearer to the Janda Baik village/kampung are now being cleared for farming. Mainly bananas and kacang bottle vegetable. Pic above is a typical kacang bottle nursery. The strings above are for the creepers where the vegetable grows out from.



With the new farms brought about smaller side trails so we managed to crisscross the stream a few times just for fun.



Success at the half way point!





Engorged and swift flowing stream after the rain.


The new bridge leading into a new farm plot.


The jungle walk part. I like Janda Baik because of the varying terrain.

The Bamboo Hut. The weight of the leaves had this bamboo forest leaning over the path.


View of one of the banana plantations

Some derelict machines scattered around the area

Insecticide. This is what goes into our stomachs if we don't wash our vegetables properly.

Best mode of transport around the valleys and trails and a bike...

Shade and Stream

Smaller side trails that lead off further into the plantations.

Sensitivity Shot

Some frond and buds

Sensitivity shot #2

Sensitivity shot #3. BTW can anyone identify these flowers? Then I can stop labelling them "Sensitivity Shots"!

I like Janda Baik. We were lucky - slightly overcast skies and a breezy morning. Fantastic. And the roti banjir and sweet black coffee for lunch was perfect!

The area still offers some fun for not much physical effort. I still need to find a link from the first trail and the other one after the adjacent hill. Anyone (non-whiners) who is up for some real exploring let me know and we'll go in for a look-see.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

I'm Too Fussy?

I've been getting that a lot lately. This 'You're too fussy thing!" thing when the subject of girl friends breaches friendly conversations with buddies and buddettes. But really, I'm not fussy. There is no perfect woman out there. I know that. I've always preached that. No perfection in men, women, staplers or bow legged cowboys. So the last thing I have in mind is that the first real relationship since the breakup(yonks ago!) will be with Angelina Jolie's clone. Nope, she will prob snore in bed, have some phobia for cats, be occasionally rude to me and have the linguistic talent of a truck driver.

But if there's no one out there that gets my blood pumping or shares my interests oR even is KEEN to share my interests OR has the right mix of chemistry OR the basic building block of a relationship, should I just settle now for someone who may like me but who will end up getting unrequited feelings back for her efforts? That's not going to end well when after breaking point someday she sticks a lawnmower blade up my ass while I'm drooling on the couch watching some rerun of the Powerpuff Girls.

Of course there are some out there that I'd love to hang out with, hold hands over a candle lit dinner, share a holiday in Bali, run towards each other in slow motion on a rainy night in Paris, dance around some coconut tree or even make sweet music with a pottery wheel. They however:

A. Don't feel the same way

B. Have boy friends or husbands significantly larger than me

3. Have dated the FON before and now mask psychotic tendencies under demure friendliness.

So I'm not fussy. That woman is probably out there somewhere. And Somewhere IS a large place. She could be washing plates in a deli in Guam or was the driver of the car that I flipped the bird at this morning along the Federal Highway.

All the same folks, I am NOT fussy. Really.

Friday, January 18, 2008

And the Winner Is...

IT'S A TIE!!!

The FON's disciples and Ah Lim voted him in with 3 votes (i disqualified the pets as they were under the influence)

Peekaboo and (bloody 'ell) The FON voted for Han Solo and I voted for Solo's slightly more tasteful take on it. So Solo gets 3 as well!

Jersey goes to the FON's barrel chest and I've managed to dig up something for Solo as well. So I'll call you guys and we can do the handover over the weekend.

The most disturbing visual image from the FON has to be "don't let me go manu militari on your ass!" Let's have a visual image shall we? And lets not forget that manu militari means wanking, jerking off, spanking the monkey, choking the python, MASTURBATING (there i said it...).

Anyway hope you guys had fun doing this. I'm going off now to shower away all those manu militari images from my mind!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Game Plan

Holy motherofgod! A writers strike you say? Hollywood is at a standstill you wonder? Creativity in the heart of entertainment brought to a standstill you say?

Never fear, after this effort you can get better script writers by going into your local bar, pull of that emu with the striped vest off his stool at the end of the bar and put him in front of a lap top and get better results.

I love the Rock. And he's the only saving grace in this overused formula comedy. The dude can act and comedy is his forte and hey if all fails just flash everyone those refrigerator sized pearly whites with that happy glint in your eye and everything comes up yipeekaye!

The kid is just another cute kid acting cute and the rest of the folks are standard props although I can never get enough of hot latin dance instructors.

The first 3/4 of the show is ably fun but after that and if you have an allergy to puke induced soppy Disney endings than this is where I suggest you bolt for the door screaming like a teenybopper banshee at a Take That reunion.

The dude who wrote the ending should be marched in front of every army facing an onslaught of drunken gay Orcs with Blue Ball Syndrome.

Manu Militari Voting Begins!!!!

The entries are in!

Nex valiantly ploughed Star Wars lore and was first to send in:

"Dont underestimate the power of the manu militari!"

The FON with plague like suddeness made an appearance on this unsuspecting blog and delivered:

"Is that a manu militari or are you just happy to see me?"

and very disturbingly a second:

"Don't let me go manu militari on your ass!"

And finally as the gates closed Han Solo blasted out of hyperspace with this gem:

"Why do men handle their gear shifts so often?"
"Cos they like driving manu militari!!!"

So get your votes in folks! Best one wins! Get your friends, family, cousins and that family cat to vote!

For those in the dark about manu militari just scroll down a couple of posts to read the full meaning of the word.

UPDATED: JANUARY 16 2008, 11.08PM. Late entries from S'wak. Non votable but all for fun!

Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character to his manager in "Jerry Maguire": "Show me the manu militari!"

When Tony Montana ("Scarface") goes manu militari, he tells everyone: "Say hello to my little friend!"

S'wak's favorite:

Calvin Klein wool boxer shorts: $55

Doctor's consultation fee and medication for rashes to private area due to wearing Calvin Klein wool boxer shorts: $250

Going manu militari... priceless.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Time and Ties

I was cleaning out a cupboard and found 2 of the first ties I bought and had a good laugh at them especially in this day and age where a man is judged not by his word of honour but by the shininess of his cuff links.

I put them together with some of the newer ones i have and realized they told a story of myself. Behold young readers, the evolution of Chindiana!

My very FIRST tie! Yeah laugh but it's significant. I bought this way back in the early '90s when I worked in Nike, a company at that time where folks would turn up at regional sales or department meetings in t-shirts, shorts, sandals and of course sneakers. This was a no brainer as I didn't own a tie and Nike had launched an ad campaign featuring Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny. Some of the merchandise had had Marvin the Martian on it. It was an impulse buy. I wore at a company dinner in a fancy restaurant and I think once in Nike the Nike HQ in Beaverton. I retired this old feller when I realised after I left Nike no one would take seriously a clown with a tie featuring the multiple heads of a cartoon Martian.

Yes, you can see I matured. This was in the late '90s and I now had a fetish for multiple cartoon sheep... But I bought it also because I felt like that single black sheep up there on the tie because that was how I felt sometimes working where I did at that time.

And now I get sophisticated in life. Space Invaders now adorn my tie discreetly...late '90s early 2000s.

Early 2001-2003 - I finally grow up and discard the childishness of cartoon characters. We were doing a lot of projects in Singapore and found this awesome place along Clark Quay where we could buy silk ties for as low as S$0.80! So I stocked up on a few more for boasting rights at getting them so cheap! That also and in anticipation of getting up into more senior positions within the company.

October 2007. My last purchases. I haven't used them yet as some of you know that i get a rash up my ass whenever I have to put on a suit. Bought this in Hanoi without thinking much. Liked the happy colours although the pink one screams out "wannabe metrosexual!" - a sign of a more hopeful, mature and optimistic Chindian?

Only time will tell. The saga of Chindiana continues...

PS - Anyone want the Marvin and Sheep tie let me know.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Manu Militari

I'm re-posting this from last year. I created a new label (Word for the Day)because I promised myself I'd learn one unusable word a month so I fulfill some unexplainable niche in this universe.

Anyway this post was originally from April last year. I've updated it a little:

MANU MILITARI

Trust the French to make masturbation sound like an act of disciplined precision. Holy frantic pumping Batman! Ha Ha! Jean-Marie Le Pen made my day with this gem. Well its good to know our Malaysian politicians aren't the only fellows who can come up with some social faux pas. Old Jean-Marie, the French presidential candidate told a gathering of parents and students that young folks should use the "manu militari" method rather than condoms as it would be much less dangerous. Less dangerous than friction marks? Heh, sorry couldn't help it... Quick! some quips on jerking off...

"What do you call a one man long range recon team from a South Pacific island?"
"Solo manu militari ! "

"What is the French translation of the Hall and Oates classic "Method of Modern Love?"
"Method of Manu Militari!"

"What's that Spanish dude doing behind that strip joint?"
"Manuel Militari!"

C'mon folks lets keep this going!!! Impromptu contest - Everyone submits one quip in the COMMENTS section(it can be in a sentence, joke or whatever as long as you use the word Manu Militari) We all vote for the best in say a weeks time and I'll dig up a prize for best entry! Ladies and Gents, start your thinking caps!!!

* Same rules apply from previous contest, if you live in Jamaica or anywhere outside Kuala Lumpur or Seremban you pay for shipping of prize, etc, etc...

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Sigh....

Women. Again. I love you guys but sometimes...

Here's some of the nuggets of 'wisdom' you guys have said to me over the past month or so:

1. "Ya ya, you both get along OK la but you don't LOOK GOOD together..".What the F...!!??? Unless you've got a chauffeur driven Brabus then it's fine even if you look like the Hunchback of Batang Berjuntai.

2. " Men with cuff links turn me on." (more than 5 diff women) Dammit! and I just learnt how to iron my pants to get razor sharp creases and now I have to have good shiny shoes, a great car, a great job, belt color must match my shoes, my shirts shouldn't crinkle, I have to be attentive, remember that precise moment that both of us became an 'item', pay attention to them all the time,etcetcetc and NOW I have to go out and buy french cuffed shirts so I can wear cuff links??? Bloody hell in a basket full of condoms...

3. 'Ooo... you mean he's single AND he's got a Ferrari? Better introduce him to my friend!" (yeah, if you're attached always try to flog of a rich dude to your BFF)

4. "Hey, he offered to fly me to Bali and stay at his suite. I NEVER said I'd screw the old fart!" (yeah,the poor uncle slept on the couch and probably revisited his youthful days of spanking his grey monkey). Facts are changed slightly to protect the identity of the monkey.

5. "Why should I lose weight? More for him to hold ma..." this from women who were hot but started getting 'comfortable' after falling in love (I've got 3 out of 3 friends who said the same thing and are no more with their husband and boyfriends. C'mon, just a little effort girls and we promise to keep that beer gut in check and not scratch our balls when the mother-in-law comes over to visit)

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Top 5 Coolest Names

There are just some names that stick in your mind. Over the years, when you're stuck in a traffic jam, mulling economic policies sitting in the john or even waiting for that friend to turn up at the mamak. Suddenly the memory of the coolest name you ever heard sidles up to you and whispers a gentle forget-me-not. Below are the top 5 names that I can't seem to forget. I've stayed away from porn stars as it would have then easily doubled this list:

Evel Knievel! - The late stuntman and the world's first extreme athlete! What name do you want when you're tempting the Fates jumping over a gazillion bikes, cars, trucks and the Grand Canyon? Make mine Evel!

Casanova Frankenstein ! - Flamboyance and horror all mixed into one slickly evil villainous package! Seen here flanked by the Disco Boys. Played brilliantly by Geoffrey Rush in Mystery Men (one of my fav movies!)

Kimbo Slice !!! - If you're going to get your head caved in by a bad ass mother fucker you're going to want him to have a baddass name. The 'Rock'? Arnold Schwerweiner..whatever...or Chuck Norris?? C'mon. Chuck? It's Kimbo. Kimbo Slice, you poor shit and he'll REALLY show you the colour of your blood!

The Slicester is a legendary street fighter from Mixed Martial Arts. Just for this I'm going out and buy a mean ass attack Alsatian to guard my action figures just so I can name him Kimbo!

Salacious B. Crumb! - C'mon say it. Say his name. It makes you forget that he's just an annoying little Muppet. I just couldn't get his name out of my head after watching ESB for the first time!


Tawny Kitaen ! (the only female name I can think of) This is weird. Her name has stuck in my head lately. I always thought she was a porn star. Turns out she was in some Whitesnake video from the '80s. Now I'm really wondering where the hell I heard the name from???