Saturday, November 17, 2007

Toto, We're DEFINITELY NOT in Kansas Anymore!

And so we're out of the gates! The sounds of thundering hooves on the soft turf fades into the background and tunnel vision appears in the haze in front! The crowd's cheering raises in a crescendo, almost renting a tear in the perfect blue sky above! We're on the home stretch and we can see the glorious finish line ahead. We just don't need to fuck up! Just a little bit more....! a little bit more!!!!

And then....

Well we were so close weren't we? Just another month and a half and maybe we would forget all the drama and screw ups over the past year and fulled by Chinese New Year booze and 'Chee Yok Kon' we would go into elections forgetting wat the fuss was all about.

But then consistency of Homer Simpsonique magnitude has always been our forte. So what do we do? Over the space of less than 2 weeks:

I'm not going into the whole Bersih March last week. More qualified people than my dumb ass have written on it from both sides but how its almost a script for a bad sitcom when we get cops recording a statement from a 6 year old for following the poor feller's parent to a rally. So after being drenched by water canons and running from tear gas, Junior's statement's going to read - "Went to rally because baby sitter dont work weekends and grandpa and grandma balik kampung. Didn't want to miss Power Rangers but mummy said it wouldn't take long and said she would buy me McDOnalds ice cream after but we couldn't because the motherfukers sealed up the shop and wouldn't let us in when the cops came for us"!

Don't you get the feeling we're in the Twilight Zone after hanging a right at Oz? Lets have a play with numbers. Official Malaysian media and independent sources have differing numbers of participants in the march last week. So is it 4,000 or 40,000? I'm confused man...

And with that going on we have 60,000 at Zakaria's Derus satay fest in his illegally constructed palace where a reported 350,000 satays were gorged on by the hungry folk of Klang.

Looks like free satay beats the call for transparency you idealists you!

And then my personal favourite - Proton's Islamic Car - What the fuck??? Some folks need to get with the program! A Mecca pointing compass and specialised storage isn't going to bring in the business. Maybe better quality vehicles, working power windows and fuel efficiency might just help you sell a few more in the market? A lemon is still a lemon whether its a muslim lemon, a Hindu lemon, a buddhist, jewish,catholic or even communist lemon.

Hey, only in Malaysia do State councils give out more brooms than Hogwarts on Quidditch match day. Go HERE for more details and HERE for the backlash. Man, its juvenile at best to shame the poor dudes in the district councils but why make a fuss about not meeting the the collection of assesments? Shouldn't more pressing matters be the bane of every municipality like the continuing destruction of our environment, illegal factories polluting the rivers and maybe just about respecting the tax payers and looking out for the well being of Malaysians in general? Did anyone catch the drama queen from the Subang Jaya Municipal Council who called off a meeting because he was irritated with the line of questioning and his tummy was rumbling up a storm? Go HERE for the drama.

You know what, I think its all just bad PR. PR is a skilled and disciplined craft and it can bridge many differences even without comprising on the beliefs of warring sides. I hate to think the elected officials are just mirrors of ourselves although I must admire their creativity as I've never looked at a stewardess' skirt and think of describing it as a 'skirt tunnel' . Gotta love them good ol' boys!

What else, oh yeah looks like our government buildings are now training for the Olympics 100 meters swimming finals when the RM4.5million Perak State Corporation administrative building took a dip in a lake before it had time to even get occupied. Majulah Sukan Untuk Negara eh wot? Go HERE for the Sultan's disappointment.

D 'OH!

10 comments:

Nex said...

1. Cops recording a statement from a 6 year old: what can I say except we've seen stupider acts from our country's finest...

2. 4,000 or 40,000: I think I can count more then 4,000 in a photo of just a section of the rally. Police are playing down the number of attendees and playing up the numbers arrested to paint an opposite picture of what actually occurred.

3. Proton's Islamic Car: Desperate times requires desperate measures.

4. Brooms & Boots: I like the broom thing. Juvenile it may be damn satisfying to see local councils get humiliated for a change. Personally I would have awarded them an empty oil drum so they can dump all the shit they're full of in there.

5. 'skirt tunnel': Datuk Badruddin Amiruldin: “I have a lot of respect for women because my mother, a woman, gave birth to me”. Eerrr...are you sure a monkey didn't give birth to you? A woman can not possibly have given birth to something as vile as you.

6. Collapse of the RM4.5mil Perak State Park Corporation administrative building: Another addition to Semi Value's 'To Rapair' list.

In conclusion: Biaselah tu, migrate lah...

Chindiana said...

Then we miss out 4 AM mamak sessions...how ler?

Nex said...

We migrate to New Zealand and open an LOTR themed mamak stall.

Huge Indian population in NZ, sure make money one...ha ha ha!

Chindiana said...

Haha! I can see Soup Kambing Sauron and Nasi Lemak Burung Nazgul doing very well over there! Set! Done! When are we packing our bags Mr Frodo?

Han Solo said...

I would put the number at 10,000, which are police estimates (although media have downplayed the figures). 4,000 - no way, that's probably just at Masjid India.

Did I hear NZ? You guys need someone to wash the dishes? Or are we using banana leaves?

Nex said...

Mr Samwise, we'll leave as soon as you use the ring to enter the NZ high comm unseen and rig some approved PR papers for us. But don't blame me if you turn into Gollum.

Solo! You can come along if you know how to weave Kiwi leaves into mats to hold the Nasi Kandar, Canai & Capati!

Chindiana said...

I just realized Nasi Lemak Burung Nazgul sounds a bit dodgy...or is it just me?

S'wak said...

Eh, how about the Vader Vadei, dudes?

Chindiana said...

Haha! Oh man S'WAK, suddenly i've got this visual image of a Sith lord frolicking in a field of daffadils waving his lightsaber at some butterflies flutterring around him!

Hey notice how we glossed over the overall story about a screwed up sense of responsibility in the country and are dwelling bout hobbits, food and all manner of fantasy?

Its true then, we Malaysians just can't accept reality. Damn, we're fucked...

ah lim said...

HAHAHAHA!