Monday, November 26, 2007

I Am Celebrity

"He's a celebrity", came the hushed answer to my enquiry about the emcee at my friends wedding. " What do you mean? He's a celebrity?" I asked a little confused. I didn't recognise the pretty boy dude at the podium flashing his pearly whites at the crowd.

"He's the host of that morning TV show."

"Oh...Is that it???"


So it just hits me like a slap from an angry woman that we have as much 'celebrities' running around Kuala Lumpur as Datuks. But what IS a celebrity? Someone who is famous and popular or just someone who has screen time on TV and movies? Nope, it can't be because even our radio DJs are celebrities and I still can't pick them out in a crowd!

I 'm a confused nugget sitting right here because last week I heard that the dancers kicked off the TV reality show called Now You Think You Can Dance (I think this is the title that was show on NTV7 or 8TV are now called 'celebrity dancers' and you can book them for events and functions.

Angelina Jolie is not referred to as a celebrity first, she's an ACTRESS, David Letterman is a TALK SHOW HOST, Tupac is a DEAD RAPPER and Tom Cruise is an IMPOSSIBLE GRINNING LEPRECHAUN/HOBBIT HYBRID MUTANT SAMURAI MARTIAN. When Oprah went back stage she DIDN'T say "We're not booking anymore short fucking CELEBRITIES who'll fuck up my couch ever again!" She just mumbled, "fucking ACTORS..."

So this 'celebrity' phenomenon is almost a Malaysian creation(well not quite but screw it) as all our celebrities seem to be triathletes as they almost always seem to be multi talented. I guess its only inevitable. You're not going to sell that many English albums in Malaysia to pay for that BMW M Series.

So they sing, DJ, read the news, act in local dramas and now even do the odd stand-up comedy routine to build up their profile while they rake in the ringos from emceeing events, posh weddings, going into music and movie/TV production to sell back to the stations they work for or the advertisers they have schmoozed with.

Fair play I guess but it just gets me wanting to me a 'celebrity' too. What the hell do I need to do man? Ok, lets see:

1. Blogging is a communication medium. Check.

2. Communication skills? I can communicate with my dobi dude effectively. Check.

3. Popular? I have more than once been hugged on facebook. Check.

4. Popular requests for my presence? Hmm...lots of requests from alcoholics to meet them in pubs so CHECK.

5. Other celebrity friends? Fuk...

6. Offer to emcee? Fuk...

Hmmm.... This is still salvageable though.

HANNAH TAN!!!! Please call me!

Now anyone out there need an emcee? I however do not do children's birthdays if I'm not allowed to swear at the fucking clowns. I hear they're celebrities too.


Nex said...

Want me to get you into 'Deal Or No Deal'? I know someone who's working on that programme...

Otherwise you can always dance your way into celebrityville...

Or get yourself one of those 20 part lifestyle interview in some top notch magazine. With your current position in the corporate world and extremely colourful life story you're gonna instantly be the new nationwide obsession.

Chindiana said...

No la dude, i'm shy on camera... Haha!

Nex bro, you're giving too much credit in what i do! It's not that special!

I just need to build an illegal palace in some squatter area and I'll be mighty popular!

S'wak said...

I think the difference between international celebrities and Malaysian celebrities is that 90% of the so-called Malaysian celebrities have zero talent.

Chindiana said...

S'Wak! thata fact bro! Now let's get a piece of the action! We're pretty, we're colorful characters and we actually know the difference between a dimple and a nipple so lets get out there and claim a bit of this celebrity action! FOrward HO y'all!

Han Solo said...

err...I guess this is where I say(clears throat), "Since you're a celebrity, I can arrange for someone to inverview you..."

Chindiana said...

Cool! set let's make it so - we're going to have a pain of a time thinking of topic relevant to adults of sound minds though!

And hey, if you interview me you then become a Celebrity Interviewer! Then some one will interview you and then you can record an album and then Nex will make props for your stage shows and he's be a celebrity uh... Prop maker and then Bart will cook for you and he will be a celebrity cook!

Fu YOOOOOOH! I just think we've stumbled on something here folks!

S'wak! celebrity customizer or celebrity advocate?

Today begins a new revolution! Lets wear purple with green polka dots and storm Dataran Merdeka this weekend! wohooo!

Chindiana said...

bloody hell, sorry for the nonsense above. just had a cold shower and am trying to get the booze out of my system now.