It had to happen sometime. I held on for as long as I could. Finally when I had thought they had given up, one just sneaked up on my ass and breached the sanctity of my inner sanctuary. Oh wait....that didn't sound right.
On Saturday, the 15th of September 2007, i found myself face to face, in my very home with one of the most evil of evils. The Multi Level Marketing Sales Rep.
He was an old friend. He'd been trying to pitch me some scheme or another for the past 10 years. We shared the same birthday and for about 7-8 years would always meet up wherever we were to catch up for drinks on or about the Big Day. He stopped being a friend when he would only meet me if I would would agree to go play that Robert Kurosaki game with him and his friends. Of course I felt it was my duty to defend the honour of childhood friendship, so I told him gently to fuck off and eat shit.
But in true cultish style he came back again and again with that Hallelujah/Hare Krishna/Moonie smile and chirpy disposition. This time around he was representing the Amway special ops unit, Network 21. I really have no respect for this offshoot agency. The sneaky morons that approached me in the past just came across as untrustworthy, shifty eyed, self absorbed wankers. "Psst, we've got this gathering every Wednesday to unveil this great business plan. You must come but I cant' tell you what it's about until you do..." Give the potential flasher a raincoat folks.
I don't know about you but I find these MLM folks totally devoid of living spark. Their lives are driven to find eternal security but that search has stolen the will to live life to the fullest. Yes, its supposed to come when they reach that King Wanker status where they work 8 months a year but still, can't they look like they're having a life getting there? Do they all have to look and sound so insistently desperate?
Well, all he said was he was going to drop something off. And then.....with what i must admit was a stroke of pure genius, he brought his little kids!!!!!! Now cuss as I do, I couldn't tell Daddy-O off in front of the kids, so the drop off became a talk and that talk dragged on because he had a checklist to go through. I put the kids in the hall and luckily the Cartoon Network was on. Uh... because....because...I like the back ground sounds when I'm going through my 200 crunches for the day. curses...
He ran through the proposal, text book style. He didn't bother to find out what i was doing. He didn't even know I had a new job. He just wanted a disciple. I was bored and he HAD driven all the way from quite a way off and after me, he was going off to another presentation. I mean it was a Saturday. I was going to watch football in a bar later and well, poor fella right? So with only one hissed "Fuck this man..." I bought some product from him. Some energy thing, sounded like Triple X, Weapon X, Ex-girlfriend? Whatever... Pow! RM120. Then the monster reared it's ugly head and he said actually if you buy this you need this salmon extract to carry it into your system. Pow Pow!!! RM89. So now multi-vitamins need a chaser??? Like I need a third nipple...
OK - here's my bit. YES MLM WORKS. Happy? If money and the endless thirst for wealth is what drives you then yes GO. FOR. IT. It works.
So this is where it's important to you MLM dick heads - I LOVE WHAT I DO. I LOVE MY LIFE. I LIVE FOR MY JOB SO ITS NOT A JOB. ITS PART OF MY LIFE. I really do not have time to make extra money outside of what I do.
If I screw if up so be it but I will not live in a fear for the lack of money because I am getting paid and always have been paid doing what I love. I am not looking at working 8 months a year. Or having a Porche in my porch. Or a massive home with a swimming pool I won't use.
So please, PLEASE dear sirs and madams, I respect the patience and drive you have because it cannot be easy being seing seen as an arsehole to all and sundry. It is impressive and props to you, but can you stop taking credit for Asafa Powell breaking the 100meters world record and can you please leave me alone?
Terima kasih dan majulah sukan untuk negara.